


The Lucky One

by EnchantedToReadYou



Category: Glee
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:17:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 80,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedToReadYou/pseuds/EnchantedToReadYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt would do anything for the family he has left and he already does by selling his body daily.When his boss demands the one thing he is not willing to give up, Kurt has to find a solution. The solution in his case is Blaine Anderson, the man that has to fall in love with him and then buy him out in order to help. Kurt does not trust him and yet he is his last hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New in Town with a made up name

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Graphic Non-Con, Dub-Con, Violence/Abuse
> 
> My take on Prostitute!Kurt and a unusual love story that is more bitter than sweet.  
> I am not sure how the updating schedule will look but I will definitely try to finish and it will be a longer fic.

 

 

This time, Kurt barely felt the cum shoot into the condom or heard the man above him scream as orgasm hit him. He didn´t feel the last thrusts when the man rode it out. He just felt the pain of the hits bestowed upon him, the rough hand pulling at his hair and a feeling he usually had banned into the abyss he created: humiliation. It ran through him deeper than any nerve, made his skin crawl when he needed to thank his client and kiss him like he was grateful for the sex they just had. Let him rub Kurt´s soft penis like he was a caring lover instead of an abuser and call him what he really was: a slut.

With shaking hands he closed the door behind the man who promised his return before he went. No thought crossed his mind, but emotions he shouldn´t feel boiled over after such a long time of being ignored. Like a immediate darkness after turning off a light, it filled every corner of his body.

 It was irrationality that had Kurt knocking on his bosses door, anger that made him interrupt the one who now owned his life and finally reality and soberness that slammed into him as soon as Kurt had screamed his complaint.

“You said they were not allowed to hurt me. Look at me, look at what he has done. You think that clients will want to pay for damaged goods?”

His boss, Hunter Clarington, looked up at him, making the anger evaporate with a single gaze. He was young, good looking by most standard. His broad body was pressed into a form fitting suit and his face showed no sign of the age he actually had. With reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, he peered at Kurt who was the one thing not fitting into the office and yet being the single thing that suited the environment.

The whole room was professionally designed, all papers and a big desk, likely looking like any other office if what Kurt saw in the TV was accurate. But those papers did not entail marketing strategies, they were merely a cover for what he was really selling and currently Kurt was one of many folders up to rent and use.

“Kurt, why don´t you sit down?” Hunter said with a sugary voice but no room for argument. Once Kurt had obeyed he continued.”You know I hate when people interrupt me while I am working, right? You have known me for such a long time, Kurt.”

“I am sorry, I just-“ Kurt pleaded, no trace of fight left.

“You know I don´t allow anyone to talk to me like you just did. People who dare to cross me, you know what happens with them. Do you remember Jeffrey? Nice boy broken because he defied me. But I suppose you are lucky I am having a good day and will accept sincere apology later.”

Kurt nodded, internally scheduling sex with his boss between appointments and his family. There was no time to regret what he had done or the outcome.

“Am I right to assume you are here because you were hurt by your client?” Hunter asked.

With every clear thought Kurt regained, he noticed each bruise and tear and he couldn´t wait to have a silent minute to compose himself.

“Yes I was.”He was hurt visibly at least and how could he explain that to _him_?

“Well, too bad for you that he paid three times your usual fee just to do that. He explicitly ordered for someone with pale skin he could easily bruise and I knew you needed extra money. I am just looking out for you.You are my Lucky One.”

“Thank you.” Kurt replied as he was supposed to.

“You´re welcome. That also gives you tomorrow off to heal.” Kurt looked up in surprise and his doubt found reason when he glimpsed at Hunter´s  smirk.”Of course you will still have service at the bar and use your mouth for something meaningful if asked.”

He no longer wondered what his life has turned into if hearing this made him relieved. Service was alright, service would give him more time for _him_. More time to play a big, happy family.  
Thinking the conversation was over, he asked: “May I be excused? I don´t know if someone prepared Dinner for him tonight, so I just check up with that real quick. I will impatiently await your call in order for me to apologize.”  
“No, we still have to discuss something.” Kurt gulped, deflating into his seat.”How old is your brother now? Twelve, was it?”

“Eleven.”Kurt said, suspicion creeping into his bruised stomach.

“And remind me again, at which age did you start with my business?”  
No, Kurt thought, no, this could not be true. Panic he only felt in the privacy of his small bedroom overcame him and Hunter was the sole trigger and anchor that kept him from a full blown panic attack.

“No, please, sir.”  
“Kurt, answer my question.” Hunter bellowed.

In an attempt of changing the subject, Kurt fell to his knees and crawled under the table, rubbing his face into Hunter´s crotch. His lips traced the hard on his boss always sported when he knew he had total control over another person. And he always did over Kurt and that was fine as long as it concerned him only and not the only family he had left.

“Please, sir, I will work harder, I will take clients like the one today any time. I will warm your bed every night from now on,”Kurt licked and nibbled at the thin material hiding the hard on.”just please not him.”  
“Hmm.”Hunter said humored.”That would be all nice and great if you had any right to decide over your actions. Since you don´t-“He shoved Kurt away from him.”I want you to answer my question. When did you start to work for me?”  
“Tw-twelve.”Kurt yelped.”But he is not like me. He can´t sleep with men. And you know him, he is too much of a child for this line of work.”  
“Do I look like I care? Once he turns twelve he will start, have I made myself clear?” Like a lover, he then caressed Kurt´s face, aroused by the tears that now slipped down the dead blue eyes. Ragged breaths left Kurt´s lips as his world spun with no place to hold onto but Hunter. It had always been Hunter.

“Shh.”He cooed.”You must have known this would happen. I don´t let people stay in my apartments for free.”  
“Nonononono. Anything- a-a-anything.”  
“Stop whining!”

Kurt did not cry out when he was hit, not when the first backslap hit his cheek and not when the third did. He barely felt it. No air was entering his lungs, not even when Hunter must have called people to pick Kurt up and bring him upstairs, to the apartment complex. It was only then that he bit down on his lower lip and tried to focus on the golden number thirteen that dangled on his door.

Finn was in there. Finn was in there and he needed him to be composed and cheery, otherwise he would start to ask questions. In and out, in and out. Kurt counted his fingers three times before he was sober enough and tears had dried on his skin before opening the always unlocked door.

He felt numb when a smile settled upon his lips and his back straightened. Inside he shut up all the voices inside of his mind that rushed in panic and self-loathing and instead focused on the boy currently sitting at the kitchen counter with his hand ruffling brown locks.

“Kurt, help me!” Finn said once he heard his brother enter. He did not look up which Kurt was grateful for. Kurt came to stand behind him, glancing at the homework Finn was worked up over, hiding his face and clothes. He needed a bathroom first, he decided.

“Math-monster taking a grip of you again, buddy?” Kurt asked while walking away.”I will help you once I took a shower, alright?”  
“No, help me now or it will eat my brain alive.”

Kurt chuckled and locked the door behind himself, smile faltering immediately. Through the wood he heard Finn mutter complaints and mathematic formulas. Any other day, Kurt would have helped him as soon as he entered the apartment, but he had to shower and cover bruises up, grateful for them staying undetected before then and not willing to take a chance.

Stepping into the luke-warm stream the water system only provided, he made a quick process of cleaning. He hated showering, no efford of cleansing ever enough to wash the filth of his work off. They were merely a procedure he did with accuracy and routine. Lube and sweat and cum in his hair gone, he exited the shower after three minutes and proceeded with using make up until his reflection repulsed him less and the blue color forming around the hand print had faded.

Then he quickly returned to find Finn with his head resting on the counter, arms hanging limp. Once he spotted Kurt, he made a sound like a zombie about to die again.  
“Urrrgh, they ate my brain. I told you, I told you.”  
“Now come on, none of that.”Kurt  chided soft-spokenly.”Show me what they want to teach you that your body repulses.”

They proceeded on the fairly easy problems, Kurt trying hard to explain while Finn looked more desperate with any passing second. In truth, Kurt had little education, trying to power through nights teaching himself what little he could. Math was never on his list of priorities ,but he was lucky that Finn had trouble with even the simplest mathematical problems, that he could help him with. Yet. In the end Kurt did most of the exercises by himself while Finn watched. He was almost done when the constantly growing kid spoke up.

“Are you alright, dude?”

For a second Kurt checked if his smile was still where it was supposed to remain, yes it was, then he could only hope for the make-up covering everything it was supposed to. He quickly recovered from the shock this time.

“What have I told you about calling me that?”

“But Kevin always-“  
“I don´t care if Kevin calls people that. I am your brother and not some dude.” Kurt said. In return, Finn looked at him with a pout on his face, his long arms crossed over his chest.

“Are you alright, bro?” His baby brother then repeated.

“Don´t bro me either.”  
“No, you are just trying to avoid the question right? Rachel told me to pay attention to what people are saying.” Damn this Rachel, Kurt thought.”Why are you not telling me what is up, I am old enough to know.”

Kurt shook his head and looked at the only family he had left. Unlike him, Finn was in a constant growth-spurt, voice funny before it would turn deeper, face and body chubby with the remains of baby fat and so incredibly young. Kurt had been forced to grow up with a four year old in tow and winter drawing closer while they lived on the streets.

 After his parents had died, he had been cast into a foster home where he met Finn. They were not related by blood, but they were close enough to make Kurt flee when the abuse toward his baby brother got worse. And now here they were, at the only place where a twelve-year old could find shelter for him and his brother and even seven years later, Finn was still such a child. To make sure it stayed that way had always been Kurt´s priority. Now more than ever.

“I just had a stressful day at work, that is all. Now what do you want to eat, buddy?”

Advices from this Rachel girl were gone with the wind with the mention of food and for the rest of the evening he enjoyed his time with his brother.

 

Frankly, Kurt did not have a plan. Going out a week later, dressed in the one suit he had stolen from Hunter to try to impress someone important was not a great plan. It was the pure act of desperation as the two month mark Hunter had declared as Finn´s time span was running out.

 Nothing else had worked, not taking on even more costumers, not pleasing Hunter by staying behind every night, not even fulfilling Hunter´s biggest kinks which involved three men, a remote controlled vibrator for two days and humiliation. The only thing Kurt ha was a single demand he felt unable to let go, something Hunter had always respected to his surprise.

Despite that Hunter had stuck to his plan, making Kurt dry heave whenever he would visit them at their apartment. What was worse was that Finn adored Hunter, believed every sugared word he said and was angry at Kurt for not being ´as cool as Hunter´. What would he say if he saw Kurt blowing Hunter under the table-top when Finn thought he was out? What would he say if he knew that every surface of their small department had been soiled by Kurt´s work? Finn could never know!

Much like the nights prior to this, Kurt had not slept, had panicked and clawed at his skin and throat to let in air until he was afraid to wake Finn and had left the apartment. Next to him Sebastian and Santana, the devils spans, lived.

They were not his friends, nobody was, but they helped each other out and they would watch Finn when he had to work overtime. With no place else to go he had knocked on their door, shortly after being ushered in and guided to a couch.

“Lady, calm down your breathing, I feel like you are sucking out the only oxygen in the room.” Santana had hissed.

“You can be such a bitch.” Sebastian had cut in, but had lent no help either.  
They just sat with him until he finally calmed down enough to explain.

“He wants to get Finn into business.”He shouted.” What can I do, he wants to take away my baby brother.”

Santana had shot up next to him, pacing the room. Next thing he had known was a glass shattering against a wall.

“Are you fucking kidding me? This bastard has finally fucked up his brain, right? Give me a day and I will stick my boot up his ass so high he will feel it in his brain.”

Kurt had looked at the now fuming Santana and had felt grateful for her reaction. He had known they did not care about him, but how could they hate the boy with the world´s biggest heart?  In a way, Finn was all of them before they came here and they would do everything to make it remain that way. There was no turning back for anyone once in.

“Hunter won´t listen. The only thing he loves as much as power is money. Money we will never see.” Sebastian said and it hurt Kurt to agree.

“What now?” He whispered.”I don´t know what to do.”

He had felt both of them cuddle closer to him, silence surrounding them until Santana jumped up once more and reached into her lace-up boots. Her former empty hands had retreated with a bundle of cash she waved around with a grin.

“Kurt Lady Hummel? I am now entitled to tell you the ultimate plan. Drumroll please.” Sebastian had sighed but proceeded to drum his fingers on the table edge.

”You are going to find a sugar daddy who takes you two out of here.”  
Once Kurt had done nothing but gape at her she had scowled and said:”Why are you not gushing about the brilliance of my plan? It is practically waterproof. You go out at night until you find a rich old geezer who want to have a bite of you and you make him fall for you until you reveal your job and say he is the only one who could ever satisfy you. Then he will buy you out of here et viola brother is safe and you can only hope that your single client will die of a heart attack.”

Kurt had flinched at the mention of the cause of death. This had hit a little too close to home. Santana had not seemed to notice or care and had just shoved her cash into his hands.

“Thank Aunty Tana later. For now you only need a decent suit and a place in the decadent part of town and someone gullible. Use the cash to buy the most expensive wine or whatever to fool them into thinking you’re one of them and you are in.”

One look at Sebastian had confirmed his suspicion of the plan being less than optimal.

Kurt still found himself at a decadent bar that night, groomed to perfection as he sipped on a whiskey that cost four times full on sex with him. The suit sat snuggly onto his body, repulsing him with the knowledge of who usually wore it and whom he had borrowed it from. He felt out of place but he simply hoped he did not appear to others that way. Tinkling piano music was playing in the background, live performed by the poor guy having to stick to classic and still going unappreciated and the room smelled slightly of stale ashes by the smokers that occupied it.

The whiskey disappeared very slowly as he needed to have it until he finally found his prey. He looked around the room, took in every male and even female because at this point he wouldn´t choose. It didn´t take long, his posture straight, but legs crossed and finger slipping over the rim of his glass, that he caught someone´s attention.

It was a man way above his age, hair and eyebrows grey peppered and few wrinkles in the skin of his face, sticking out because of his unnatural tanned skin. Kurt was no longer a dreamer, no longer attracted to men. He knew every single one of them and he was not stupid enough to ever believe love existed. Men were a grey mass that his body enjoyed better than the softness of women but that was where it ended. So he was not too bothered by the attention, especially not after spotting four golden rings on his fingers. Oh, how he would love to count on those fingers, rip them off and pay the ransom to at least free Finn. Maybe some lucky family would still want Finn.

He made his way over, hips swaying a bit and he settled close to the man whose smile got brighter once he sat down. Dark brown eyes landed on his lips, never to return to his eyes once he spoke.

“May I accompany you?”

Without hesitation the man answered.“You may.”

And that was that. An hour of boring causalities, flirting and touches under the table that Kurt allowed him, was enough to have the man finally invite him home. He wasn´t sure how the evening would go, if he would try and seduce the man with all he had learned this past years in hopes of becoming a permanent fixture in his life, or if he would dare to steal from him. Stealing was easy but it was not worth the risk of losing Finn in such a cruel way. He knew Hunter would take care of Finn, just like he had taken care of Kurt. Kurt didn´t dwell on how his first time went, instead lowering his voice and whispering sweet promises to the stranger.

“I really, really want to deepen our conversation in a private place.” Kurt drawled, running his pinky over the inside seams of Greg´s suit.

“I´d like that, too, but it would look suspicious if we left together. Follow me in a few minutes, I will be waiting in the white car in front of the entrance, baby.”

Winking when Greg turned around a last time, Kurt finally let go of his straight posture and greedily downed the expensive alcohol. He knew men like Greg, kinky old bastards who wanted to be called Daddy while they spanked him, but he would do this for Finn. After all he often had had worse.

Time didn´t seem to pass with no anchor to hold him down as his glass sat empty on the table and Kurt got restless. He remained seated, fidgeting until he suddenly got up and hurried to the bathroom to cool off. The inside of the restroom was covered in black mosaics from bottom to top, the white square taps sticking out in a stark contrast. His hands settled onto both sites of one of the sink and he looked into the huge mirror, never quite meeting his own eyes.

It was just sex, he did this several times a day and yet, with Finn´s entire future on the line he felt nauseas.

There was no guarantee Greg would keep him and buy him out, he couldn´t afford to mess this up even just a little bit. He needed to go all out, maybe even risk sleeping without a condom if necessary. He´d do it, his life was not worth anything more than the family he had left.

“You can do it.” He murmured to himself in a cheesy pep-talk and was about to leave the rest-room when he spotted something lying on the sink.

Without hesitation he picked the wallet up and held it to his face to examine. It was definitely rarely used, pure leather and opened up to reveal more than three credit cards and a lot of green peaking out behind a fold. Enough green to buy Kurt for a couple of days, he knew. Measuring money´s value in time with him had gotten a thing a long time ago.

 Here he was, one finger-slip away from being closer to earning enough to maybe buy himself out of there in a year or two and yet he did not take it.

That would take too long.

The only picture in the wallet showed an actor Kurt was familiar with because Hunter had tried to hire Cooper Anderson for a lot of porn only to be shut down. Next to Anderson was a man with slicked back hair and big, Bambi eyes. The credit card said: Blaine Anderson, so this guy had to be related to the actor and if Kurt was lucky enough he had hit the jackpot.

If this guy´s wallet spoke for something, it was definitely the money he needed and the idiotic owner that would provide him with it. “Blaine” looked so innocent it was hilarious and seducing him would be far easier than Greg, so he set his goal to a new setting.

Listening closely Kurt heard the sound of a buckle from inside the prestige stalls only and straightened his posture. He could only guess playing the sweet, loving type would get him much farther with guys like that, so he dropped the whole kind of slutty act when he heard a door open.  
Out stepped the man from the picture, looking a bit older than he had been when the photograph was taken. His hair was still slicked, but it currently had a curly texture and his big brown eyes immediately caught the wallet Kurt was waving around.

“Excuse me, I suppose this is your wallet?” Kurt said with a fake grin.”You are lucky a decent guy found it lying on the sink it seems.”

Blaine returned his smile and went over to wash his hands.”First of all, I hope the pep talk was not because you found my wallet because I am more than grateful for you being so nice- “ It was Kurt´s turn to look down as if he wanted to hide a non-existent blush. ”And second of all in this place I think nobody needs that measly amount I have with me, right?”

Pretentious snob, Kurt´s favorite. Guys with big egos were easy to suck up to.

“You are absolutely right. Anyway, I still wanted to hand it to you personally. I actually- uhm- I saw your picture and thought you looked- uhm” He mumbled and finished lamely.”- nice.”

Instead of acting cocky, Blaine´s face lit up and the way he gazed at Kurt made him uncomfortable. Like Blaine saw a different man than what he really was. But that was the point, right?

“Thank you for saying that.” Blaine finally took the wallet.”You really look nice yourself. Ialready love the detail on last season´s Armani suits but you really lifted its appeal with that bowtie. I think we kind of match.”

And they did, both wearing blue bowties, just in different shades. Kurt forced to laugh alongside. “What a coincidence.” He said.

“Maybe it is not.”

Kurt teasingly raised an eyebrow “What, a grown man believing in destiny?”

“Sometimes.”Blaine retorted.”I guess we will only find out if you release me from spending the night bored and drunk here all alone.”

“I- I would love to.”


	2. They tell you that you´re lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW still apply + verbal abuse.
> 
> The beginning is fluff, the ending very very angsty. I promise things will look better in the future chapters, even though the warnings will at least be mentioned.
> 
> I hope you like it and thank you for the reviews and followers. I know it´s not everyone cup of tea, so please read only if you´d like to. :)

Chapter 2

 

  
This time Kurt was faced with an unknown problem he should have been familiar with. He lied every day, pretended to be someone else to cater to the client´s wishes whenever he needed to, and yet the domesticity of having a sort of formal date had him sweating under the suit jacket.

It was this pretentious environment, this tie that cut his throat like a coiling snake and the man he had learned was named Blaine. Blaine with his doe eyes and his smile and his damn look. He believed every lie Kurt told and seemed so innocent at that.

“Have you ever been here before?”  
“Once or twice.” Kurt lied.”Whenever I felt lonely in my apartment I´d come here, not that I´d want to bother you with details.”

Blaine looked crestfallen. “It´s the same with me actually. The reason I come here is in hopes of meeting someone but whenever I did, I was no more than drunk in the evening and as lonely as I had been at my arrival. Hearing I could have met you even for tonight is actually astonishing and disappointing at the same time.”

Kurt may not be the expert when it came to dating, but he sure was when it came to reading people. It came with his line of work, where he had to quickly know someone in order to be what they wanted. Blaine´s heart must have been broken recently, the way his eyes got sad and his shoulders slumped. He played with the only ring he wore as if it meant something. Heartbroken men were the worst, miserable and demanding. They always wanted him to be someone else.

Did Blaine want him to be someone else?

“But if we had met earlier, you would have had somebody else with you, isn´t that true? And where would that leave us?”  
“What do you mean?” Blaine asked, voice hitched.

Kurt sipped on his new drink. “I mean, don´t get me wrong, I am not trying to overstep the boundaries.” He reminded himself of the shy act.”Forget what I said.”  
“No, no. Please, tell me. I will not be offended by you being honest.”  
“This is a wild guess but, uhm, you just got out of an relationship it seems and now you are on a date. _If_ this is a date I mean, it is your call…I better shut up now and let you safe me from embarrassment.”  
For a short second Blaine looked at him as if he saw through the façade, but then Kurt realized he was just trying his hardest not to let the tears fall that were rising in his eyes.

“It´s okay for you to ask, especially since you are right. He was an asshole though and speaking about him would ruin your night and mine.” Kurt simply nodded.”So Kurt, how old are you and what do you do whenever you don´t have dates with a whiny stranger?”

“So this is a date?”

“Awkward conversation started in a restroom? Check. Talking about an ex-boyfriend? Check. Asking boring questions? Double Check. Seems like we can officially call it a date.”

Kurt never laughed outside of his family. There was no reason to. It was probably the tension that let him relax for even just a second and let out a short laugh. Blaine´s grin got even wider and his eyes finally lost the solemn touch.

“I´m sorry, those really were the most boring questions ever. Why don´t we just talk about a common interest we share. Like spending lonely nights in a bar?”

“That would be great.” Kurt replied.

Despite them not asking the usual questions, Kurt had a whole folder of lies he needed to remember and things about Blaine bestowed right upon them.

Blaine was 26, Kurt told him he was 23 when he was actually 19. Blaine worked as an art critique and wrote his own music, Kurt claimed he was about to graduate Harvard Law. Blaine liked art, Kurt said he loved it too and would love for Blaine to explain some abstracts to him. Blaine´s favorite musician was Andrea Bree – a pop singer, Kurt truthfully said he loved musicals the most.

Blaine drank red wine and liked to touch Kurt´s arm while they talked and Kurt let him.

“Law student who loves art and musicals? I think you are one of the most intriguing people I have ever met.”

“Says the art critic slash song writer.”  
“No I really mean it, you should meet yourself.”

The warmth spreading inside of him was unfamiliar, at least in his stomach. Blaine´s touches, his heart eyes, they made him weak. And he couldn´t afford to be weak.  
“Can I ask what your parents think of you being gay?” Kurt suddenly said.

In return Blaine retreated his hand, losing a bit of his smile.

”I came out when I was fifteen and they- don´t get me wrong they were never abusive or hateful, but I felt the tension seep into my house. They spoke to me less, they stopped hugging or praising me, as if that was the reason for my sexual orientation. This one time my dad built a car with me, because you know, cars make people manlier it seems. Then one day, there was an accident-.”Blaine stopped for few seconds.”After that they must have realized that I was still their son, gay or not. I am not saying that it would be the same if I hadn´t been gay, but they have accepted me.  Without them I wouldn´t have made it to New York, gotten a great apartment and a college degree. They even supported me in some off-Broadway musicals I starred in, front row, even hugged me a little too forceful and long after that. My dad is a weirdly soft hugger for someone who builds cars.”

The last bit had obviously been meant to break the tension and it did. Blaine was ever so chipper and Kurt was reminded once again why it was okay to lead him on. Blaine was loaded, had a family that he could return to at Thanksgiving and he took it for granted. No sweet gesture could make those facts disappear.

“How about you? What are your parents like? Any siblings?”

“Just one. Finn is eleven and you should meet him. He has this huge mouth he likes to talk with the whole day, it drives you nuts and-“ Fond eyes returned him to the present. As much as he loved to gush about Finn, it could wait. He had a greater goal. ”and he has the softest heart.”

If Blaine noticed him not answering the other questions, he didn´t comment on it. Instead he said:”Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to make you smile?”

“What?” Kurt checked his face - still smiling he returned.”I´ve been smiling the whole night…because of you.”

“No you have not, but I hope that will change in time.”

Blaine was obviously past tipsy. His hand intertwined with Kurt´s on the table top and his eyes seemed to trace every line of Kurt´s face. For once, he could believe the gullible man to be judging art. Feigning to be shy and actually feeling uncomfortable at being regarded, Kurt lowered his head.

“Hey, no.” Blaine´s free hand felt soft when it tipped Kurt´s chin back up.”I like to keep looking at the most fascinating piece of art as long as I can.”  
“I am not art.”

“If only you could see. People never call themselves as they are, afraid to be judged for being realistic. The world is always out to make them feel miserable on behalf of others. Kurt, you truly are art. You seem so open, like a painting with bright colors that intrigues the viewers to come closer and once they are closer, they can no longer see the picture. That is what you are. The closer I am, the better I seem to see the doors you keep closed and want to know what you hide.”

“Stop.” Kurt tried, irritation showing for once.

“It´s like the painter didn´t want anybody to actually understand the message of you and yet here you are, because he still wanted people to try.”

He gulped, throat closed with anger. Blaine was so wrong and stupid to believe he would ever get to understand him. He´d never let anybody that close. But maybe he was right. Maybe Kurt was art, a picture tainted every day by new painters that would leave and he´d never be able to wash their color off. They were the ones that had ruined the once colorful canvas and painted it black. Blaine would just be another one to color him darker and he wanted him to, to get rid of these ounces of hope he´d never thought he´d feel again. There was no more hope for him.

So he forced another smile, shook himself free of any touch.

“You, sir, are obviously drunk.”  
Blaine´s face was somber. “Am not. Everything I said, every line, as cheesy as it may have seemed, was what I truly believe in.”

Kurt laughed, grabbing the half full glass of Blaine and downing it. It was the only one Blaine had ordered. Then he stood up, averting Blaine’s eyes.

“This evening was lovely but maybe-“He faked fidgeting.”We´d like to continue it someplace else?”

Blaine was already up, pulling on his jacket and then helping Kurt into his like he was some sort of man from another decade. The ones where people still had manners. Of course he was quick to want to have me in bed, Kurt thought.

“What did you have in plan? Are you hungry?”

They exited the bar, out into the biting cold night nibbling at the warm skin they possessed. Greg was nowhere to be seen, which he was grateful for. When Blaine nudged his hand, Kurt took it, not thinking too much about how it warmed him.

“This is not what I normally do. It´s just that I feel this connection to you I have never felt before in my life.” Blaine kept quiet so Kurt continued in a whisper.”So maybe, if you liked we could, uhm, go to your place?”

Kurt thought he knew what to expect. A heated glance and groping in the backseat of a cab among other things. Blaine however just kept on being silent and smiling at him. It was unsettling to say the least.

“It´s not that I don´t want to –“  
“But we should stay friends. I get it.” Kurt spit out. No sex meant he had no need to be nice anymore. However he had not turned around yet when Blaine gently turned him around by his shoulder.

“Friendship is important to me in a relationship as well. Be that as it may, I was actually trying to do this right.” Kurt rolled his eyes.”No, really. I value you, Kurt, and I was thinking you deserve a gentleman. Let us go out, let me convince you to let this be more than one evening.”

The convenient thing to do would be fucking him right now, so Kurt could show his assets. Instead he had to take a slightly longer road he hoped had the same outcome. Blaine was a romantic, and romantics were fools.

“I´d love to see you again.”

They exchanged numbers and called for a cab afterwards. With the chilly air as excuse, Kurt cuddled closer to Blaine until their bodies were snug. Through the thick wool of their jackets, Kurt could feel a heat he for once did not associate with sex. It was awkward, like walking into a room full of strangers, no matter how nice they appeared. Blaine´s goofy smile was what convinced him to remain like this a while longer. Son he felt an arm surround his back, hand settling unusually high.

“About you being like art, I really meant that. How about on our next date I will take you to a gallery and show you what I meant?”

The cab-driver pulled up in that moment and with no room of arguments, Kurt nodded. His eyes flickered to Blaine´s lips, wondered if they were as sweet as the stupid man they belonged to. For now, he didn´t find out, because the cheek he kissed instead was smooth and luke warm, though he could see it heat up right after.

“Bye.” Kurt whispered against Blaine´s skin.

Once inside the car he no longer thought about Blaine´s face, his mind was stuck on the way Blaine had opened and closed the door and tipped his imaginary head. Kurt didn´t understand. There were ways quicker to get him into bed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

When he returned, Kurt was surprised once again. It was way past midnight, late enough to have most grown-ups in bed while apparently; his eleven-year-old brother was wide awake. Music was playing, all the lights were on and there Finn was, plastic sword in hand and jumping on the couch. The sounds Kurt made startled him a few seconds later and while he bounced he turned around and let out a wail. Next thing he knew, Finn had crashed into the unfortunately built ford of blankets. He was smart not to reappear again, because Kurt was seething.  
“What the heck are you doing up past 3 am?” With no response Kurt hurried over and untangled his brother with a sigh.”You have got three seconds to explain or your TV time is two hours shorter this week.”

“Nonono, wait.” Finn yelped. The crown he had had on his head was now crooked, covering one brow.”Sebastian came over to watch over me while you were gone and we ended up playing cards. He just went over an hour ago.”

“Sebastian did wh- no actually, I am not surprised. I should´ve expected worse to be honest. What I want you to do now is brush your teeth and go to bed. We will talk about this tomorrow, after I cleaned up the mess two children have produced in my home.”

For once, Finn actually listened and went to the bathroom. When he returned, Kurt had made the living room acceptably looking once more. Seeing Finn still with his crooked crown and a plastic sword had him soften a lot, even though he´d never dare show.

“Where have you been tonight?” Finn asked, plopping down next to Kurt on the couch.

“This is not a conversation I am having at three am with my brother on a school night.”  
“You´d never tell me if it was daylight either.” Finn countered.

“That is because I am allowed a private life.”

“I always have to tell you where I am though. I tell you what girls I am in love with.”Finn pouted, crossing his arms. He had that from Kurt.”How is that fair?”

“You are my little brother and I am the grown-up. That is why I treat you differently.”

The things Finn said next made Kurt freeze, inside and out. No blood felt like pumping through frosty veins, no thought crossed his mind

“Hunter never does. He treats me like I am a grown-up! You never have time for me, we never play, we never watch shows together anymore. When Hunter comes over he always brings pizza and chocolate. You would never allow me what he does, so that means he is a better grown-up.”

As soon as he shook free of his stupor, he whipped around. Finn´s eyes got huge and a hand clasped over his mouth, as if he thought his words had been upsetting. Well, they were but that was not important right now.  
“How often is Hunter here while I am gone?”  
“I – I´m not sure. He was here yesterday and Monday and we catch up on games whenever they run because we know you don´t like them and you are at work either way and I thought I could let him in I can let him in right?” Finn said in a long string of words.

“Is he weird? Is there anything he does to you that seems strange.” Kurt gulped.”Did he ever  touch you where I told you it´s not appropriate?”  
Finn frowned, crown slipping lower. “The places you said I should tell you if anyone touched them?”

Kurt nodded. He´d had to take those preventions in a apartment complex like this, he just had never thought it wouldn´t be filthy clients.   
“No! No he has not. He just hugs me when they score or messes up my head- Kurt? You don´t look well.”

As if bitten, Kurt jumped up. A smile settled onto his lips, so fake even Finn could see through it, but Kurt held onto it like it was his lifeline.   
“I´m okay. Now let´s get you to bed. We will talk about this tomorrow.”  
For whatever reason, Finn didn´t put up much fuss and together they stepped into the single bedroom they had. Instead of the tasteful decoration Kurt was able to afford over the years, Finn´s room was covered in posters of Cars and Disney movies and the newest generation of Powerrangers . The floor was covered landmines posing as sharp-edged Pokémon figures and slippery Yu-Gi-Oh cards Kurt carefully avoided by walking on his tiptoes. A small blue light was still shining above the bed and with Finn settled in, he felt himself relax. His worries would have to wait, right now it felt like the one time they didn´t fight.

“You could have told me you couldn´t sleep because you were afraid. I would have understood.” Kurt said. His hand pulled the crown off of his brothers head and then proceeded to run through the slightly long brown hair.   
“I was not!”  
“Yes you were.”

Finn hid his face up to his nose under the blanket, glaring up at Kurt before a yawn broke all the fight he still had in himself.

“How did you know?” He then grumbled, causing Kurt to laugh.

“Well for one, you never dress up as king unless you are fighting the shadowmonsters and second of all, I may not be here that often, but I do know my baby brother.”

Finn´s eyes shifted to the lamp as if to remind Kurt that he accidentally could let it run until he was asleep. He would have done it either way. Before standing up, he leant over to press a kiss on Finn´s forehead, something his brother would never admit to liking. He then crossed the room and turned once more to bid him goodnight.  
“Good night, little king.”  
“Good night, Kurty. And, about what I said before-“  
“It´s alright.” He replied, not willing to listen to lengthy explanation that would result in pain once more.   
Finn still looked guilty until Kurt out on a huge smile. Seconds after, brown eyes closed in exhaustion. Once they had, his face got tense again, frowns lining his forehead as the dark thoughts finally crept back into his head.

He still had one thing to do tonight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Nice suit, who were you using it on?” “,was the first things out of Hunter´s mouth when he opened the door to the apartment he frequently used

. Of course it was the most luxurious and spacious one, floor to ceiling windows and hardwood floor that he liked to let his ´employees´ scrub. Kurt was not surprised to find him still up. Hunter never missed the chance to be Kurt´s biggest nightmare come to life.

“Karofsky, who else?”  
Hunter grinned dirtily.“Well he is our best client, so you better treat him like you are worth the money he blows on you for using your filthy holes.”

In return, Kurt nodded, a metallic taste filling his mouth. Blood was seeping onto his tongue as he bit down, filling him with unwanted feelings. No misstep was allowed when Hunter was like this. When he had the remote control to Kurt´s fickle cage holding in his emotions, and he was ready to let it blow up at any given moment.

“So, I assume you are not just here to return a suit you know I won´t wear again after someone like you did.” He came closer, nose touching Kurt´s while he slowly cupped Kurt´s throat.”Were six costumers not enough for you? Are you finally coming to terms with the knowledge that I can fuck you the best? That my control over you is the only thing making you hard?”

Kurt tried to suppress any shock he may feel at what was being said, but Hunter lived for figuring people out and using it against them. His smile got wider, making his mouth appear huge enough to swallow Kurt whole.  
“Yes I know about your little problem with your standing qualities. I tape every single session you have and then watch you get fucked by every single man in New York. Just because I can.”

Kurt did not reply, did nothing when his boss lead him over to the king sized bad that stood right in the middle of the entrance room. The questions he intended to ask would come later. There was no minute he thought of Finn when he was whoring himself out, like it would somehow taint his brother.

“Strip! And do it quickly, I am tired and we have more things planed once you shed the pretense you wear.”

Once stripped there was no surprise left when he felt rough rope bind his torso first, then his wrists to the headboard and feet strapped wide open next to his upper body. A ball gag covering his mouth was the next thing he was forced to wear. His eyes were only things he could move, even though Hunter would demand to be looked at. Sometimes he wanted to be begged and whenever he didn´t, he wanted to see Kurt´s eyes. Kurt wondered why for the utmost time, knowing he had no emotion left to feel. He barely noticed fingers being shoved inside of him.

“Lose and slippery, I see you came prepared.” Once more Hunter cupped his neck, squeezing roughly once until he felt Kurt´s body reacts on impulse.

Then he was entered, feeling the heated flesh of Hunter´s dick squeeze into him at a slow pace. He was familiar with it, the agonizing way Hunter fucked him, always close to pleasure and yet he felt a helplessness, similar to the one he had felt in his childhood, creep back into him.

He hated every minute of it. Hated how Hunter jerked him off against his will and how he couldn´t move, couldn´t scream if he wanted to. He was completely at Hunter´s mercy. Whenever the hands squeezed tighter around his windpipe, he knew it was close to an end and he found himself hoping that maybe he´d finally succeed in dying. It could be an accident.

“Look at me!” Kurt reopened his eyes, not having realized he had closed them in the first place.”That´s better. I want to see what I do to you.”

Kurt´s mixture of moan and scream was silenced by a gag and hands, but he felt the cum spread into him after Hunter´s cock had had its last twitch. He was halfway through with the next part remaining unknown. Hunter could be creative if wanted. It felt like not a second had passed between his boss pulling out, and fingers entering him again.  
“You feel that? That is my branding, my claim on my property. You know you are my property, aren´t you? Answer me!”

Kurt nodded.

“That is right, you are my chosen one. The others bore me with the sucking up they do once they see me. They always demand, they never protest. You are lucky I keep up with the nasty tongue you sometimes possess, Kurt.”

He kept on nodding. Hunter´s free fist found Kurt´s hair then, pulling until he winced before unclasping the gag. Spit dribbled down Kurt´s skin with no one to wipe it away.

“I want you to have a taste of us, Kurt. What do you say? I even let you room for your own decision.”

He needed to say yes and he had to say no. Lucky Ones had to fight or lose. Hunter grinned first, then he untied Kurt´s hands and stood up from the bed, fingers never leaving Kurt´s hole.  
“No?” Hunter cooed.”You still have some fight left in you? Then let me drive it right out of you.”

Wet fingers were shoved between his lips and they pushed and pushed until Kurt gagged and licked around them. Hunter tasted gross, but he closed his eyes and mock blew Hunter´s fingers until they finally retreated. He relaxed a second too long, since Hunter then repeated the same procedure until he felt like nothing was left and Kurt´s cheek burned with anger and shame.

Satisfied by the reaction, his boss let go of him. Leaving Kurt, he stood up, put his jeans back on and righted the button up shirt he had worn throughout their encounter. Not another glance was given Kurt until he spoke up.

“You never told me you visited Finn while I am at work.” Kurt whispered with a raw throat. His body felt spent, otherwise he wouldn´t have sagged down on a bed frequently used by Hunter.

Hunter´s whole cocky attitude shifted once again, target once more set on Kurt’s back.”I was not aware we need to run through everything mommy.”  
“He told me you watch games together and play games. You never did with me.”  
“Do I detect jealousy?” Hunter smirked, but the crack of vulnerability had appeared nonetheless.”Shh, don´t be like that, the games I play with you are far better. I like to have the upper hand, you see?”

He nodded.”He really thinks you are the good guy.”

Hunter´s mouth was a thin line that never bode well. The only times he lost his cocky attitude were the prequel to a horror story, created by himself. Kurt felt the repercussion of fear drumming against his chest when Hunter dragged him down the bed, shoving him to Hunter´s feet. His knees felt chapped were they slid over the floor, but he kept on kneeling.

“And am I not?” Hunter strode closer slowly, coming to a halt in front of Kurt´s face.”I am no saint, but I am not a sinner. You are. I know you make me out to be a villain, the one selling you, but that is not true. You can´t force the wanting.”

Almost gently, a shoe covered foot guided Kurt´s face down until his other cheek hit the floor. Then its tip slid down until it pressed into his windpipe.  
“Let us stop your denial, alright?”Hunter said softly.”I know what your innermost thoughts are, so we can try to make them come to the surface. I want you to repeat everything I say.”

“Yes.” Kurt whimpered.

There weren´t many things in life h was afraid of, but one loomed above him now and one he had caged in his chest a long time ago. The first sentence he heard, he had to force his lips to move to repeat. Every following sentence was like a hammer to the cage he held his emotions in.

 “I- I am nothing short of a cheap whore.”  
“Nobody truly forces me, I ask for it.”

“I love to feel strangers dicks up my hole. I am a cunt. I never get enough.”

“I will never run away. I will never run- I will never.”  
“No one can satisfy my needs but Hunter.”

“I hate myself for seducing men and luring them into bed. I ask for it!”  
“I ask for it.”  
“No, please don´t make me say-“ Kurt tried at the next sentence. The consequence was two kicks to the rips. Hunter said the sentence in a loop until Kurt finally repeated it.”Finn doesn´t deserve this, to be surrounded by a whore every day. He loves Hunter much more. How could he love a brother that relishes being impaled on cock?”  
“Finn doesn´t love me.”

“Nobody will ever love me.”  
“I am a worthless whore.”

Hunter chuckled. The moment his foot lifted, reality seeped back into Kurt´s life. First he felt the pain on his check and in his neck, then he realized he had to breathe. He started to cough violently, more liquid spilling onto his face and drip-drip-dripping down. He was crying.

“Now, Kurt, that wasn´t so bad. You should come clean to yourself every day.”

A soft kiss was pressed on his cheek. Not comprehending what was happening, he clung onto Hunter, who consoled him like a lover after a quarrel.

“You have truly amused me today, Kurt, so I will be generous and listen to one wish of yours. Name it.”

Kurt took in a deep breath, trying to focus.”I was almost thirteen when I started-“  
“You know I won´t grant you that. It is high time Finn came to work.”

“Just give him another  half a year to be a kid. Please.” Kurt kissed up and down Hunter´s jaw. “Forget my last boundary, I will do it. Six guys, seven, I don´t care. I have nothing left, I will take on everyone and you can- you can drug me too.”

Hunter kissed him roughly, holding his head in place. As a favorite, he had had one thing he was allowed to refuse and that had been drugs. He had watched drugs destroy Finn´s parents, he had lost weeks as a kid under the influence until he refused them. Now, everything was over. He needed to have more time for his plan to work and to be on Hunter´s good side.

Six more months to make Blaine fall for him.

“Deal.”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  
When he returned home by six in the morning, he didn´t even bother to cover himself with a blanket once he had fallen into bed. It wasn´t until four hours later that he woke up and looked at his phone.

**Blaine Anderson 2.21 am: This evening was truly wonderful. I really hope the next time we see each other I can convince you how special you are.**


	3. You just feel used

**Chapter 3**

**But you don´t feel pretty you just feel used.**

 

This time, Kurt wondered where he fit into in life. It was certainly not with the prostitutes working in the street, with their ripped clothes and make-up, but it was no where above that either. Especially not into an art gallery dressed in a dark blue button and a dark, overused jeans that was twice as tight as any pants he might spot among the other occupants. Sure, this was not overall a suit and tie event, and yet he was in between again. His clothes nowhere chic or edgy enough to fit in and frankly those with a rather unique style of clothes were freaking him out. A girl with half her hair in a buzz cut while the other half curled around her shoulders in neon green stuck her tongue out at him for no apparent reason, while a man in business suit nodded at him. He felt like the odd one out, except for the part where he held hands with someone that was the center of the universe right now.

As soon as Blaine had seen him, he had shed his jacket and tie, as if not wanting to be overdressed while Kurt wore…well Kurt wore this to an art gallery. His voice had been warm against the cold winter night and his lips on Kurt´s cheek lingered and so did their heat. Blaine´s smell had been covered by the icy cold but next to him he could breathe the earthy smell in and it was the one thing he needed to focus on. He mustn’t screw this up. The door was held open by Blaine when they entered and he waited until Kurt passed through before linking their hands together and following him in.

Blaine believed him to be an ordinary man, somewhere above the rest of New York’s broke college students and Kurt tried his best at representing this. He was glad that he´d chosen a shy persona as cover, that meant Blaine wouldn´t get suspicious when he didn´t contribute much to the conversation Blaine had with other people. Still, they were the couple everyone approached, everyone chatted up, with him nodding along to whatever Blaine said.

_Mr. Anderson, what a pleasure to have you here at an art gallery that we hope is to your taste. Mr. Anderson, how are you this fine evening? And who is that beside you? Mr. Anderson look at my work please. Who is the nice young man at your side?_

Kurt suddenly felt rather entrapped in the wine that had been brought to him by a waiter dressed as a robot. His body felt downright foreign to a place like this, only anchored to someone equally out of reach. The thing was, he needed to pull Blaine down to his level for good. He cuddled closer with all those people surrounding them and gave Blaine´s hand a squeeze.

“Mr. Anderson, me and my friend have listened to your album. It really is a piece of art unlike any other.” A girl with orange hair and a checkered dress said, clearly star struck. Kurt rolled his eyes at her, receiving a glare in return.

“Oh, shush. I didn´t know people actually bought it.”

Right, Blaine had mentioned that he worked on music alongside his job as a critic. Kurt wondered for whom he spread his legs while Blaine found time to do both.”I would really like to listen to it too.” He said.

“You haven´t?” The girl asked haughtily.”I´m sorry who are you again?”  
“I could ask the same thing.”  
“Well, I have been the first to ask.”

Blaine chuckled, pressing a kiss to Kurt´s hair that made him froze before he was the one who regarded her haughtily. ”He is my date. And that is why I am sorry to have to cut it short today. I think we both need a bit of privacy this evening.”

A friend of Blaine, Kurt had learned named Wes, grinned at them.”Blainey out to impress his date with work knowledge?”  
“I plan to.”

Internally he sighed, outwardly he blushed and swatted Blaine on his chest. How he hated romantics with their sugar sweet lies. This was no fairytale ad if it had been, he´d be the slaveboy of the king that no one talked about. However great the mistrust he had for Blaine´s words, his eyes could see the look of admiration on his face. All this hope Blaine had in a picture perfect romance with him were useless, since Kurt knew the end of their story was not happily ever after.

Gentle, always gentle, Blaine led him away after thousands of goodbyes  and their hands swung between their bodies as they entered the maze of artwork the gallery had created. Lined by picture after picture, the walls were narrow on both sides. Most of the so called art held no value or understanding to Kurt. He just saw the colors, the lines that did not built a picture recognizable, no matter how close he looked. Some consisted of shapes and some were just interwoven brushstrokes and others were malformed faces.

“I´m afraid I am not capable of understanding the message of them.” Kurt finally said when Blaine had come to a halt in front of a picture Kurt assumed to be a moon.

“What do you see?”

Kurt tried another angle. “The moon? With a nose and the moon´s lover being…a moose?”

Blaine laughed heartily.”You know what I see? A plate with a carrot and a running steak.”  
“Okay?” Kurt saw what he meant but it still did not make much sense.”Why?”  
“I don´t know the story of the artist. I am a critic of something that is highly disputable and depends a bit on the taste of the viewers to be honest. Most of the pictures you see here are intended to make you think about them and decide what you want them to be.”  
In a way, Kurt understood. That didn´t mean he had to like the moon-moose love affair he saw, but it still made him glad that for once he could decide a path.

“I think I get it. So if that is the case, how can you do your job? What if people see something completely different than you do?” Kurt asked.  
“I take my time looking at the work, judging the colors, the methods the artists used and try to analyze it. My evaluation is supposed to be as objective as possible but people know me for my emotional side that bleeds into my job. A picture has to do something to me, call to me and lure me into staying and staring. That is how I do my job and somehow it pays.”  
“What, you write a critique and everyone is interested in a work, because you liked it?”  
“Maybe-“ Blaine began.”Though I think that people haven´t looked close enough to understand something´s value before they take my advice. Sometimes you have to stand closer and stay.”  
Kurt saw Blaine looking, eyes seemed to gently caress the inches of Kurt´s body. All over, he felt like a piece of meat, even though his heart fluttered a bit, betraying him. He broke the spell by stepping aside and showing fake interest in the work of others.

They got lost in the maze twice and made up stories of what they thought the pictures were about, if they passed it twice Kurt just made up a new story.

Most of the time, the ideas that popped into his head were absurd and a bit dirty, not something the role he played would have said. Blaine stopped in front of a picture looking like a huge butt made up of two raindrops, being exactly what he could not say.

“How fitting, a heart.” Kurt cooed his lie, nudging Blaine.

Blaine looked at him with a raised eyebrow, lowly chuckling. “Uhm, I am pretty sure this is supposed to be someone´s butt.”

“You are unromantic.”

“Kurt, it literally is named: A wet behind. I think we can agree on the artist thinking of love while painting though. The details are astonishing.”

For the first time, Kurt truly felt like taking off to hide away from the world. Instead, he laughed, long and hard, while tracing the card with the title underneath the picture. A wet behind.

He was so submerged in the ridiculousness of the situation, that he had not one evil thought when Blaine kissed him. It was quick and so warm, unlike anything he ever felt. Neither commented on their kiss. They just kept on walking, glowing cheeks they tried to hide from the other. Kurt, because he was puzzled and angry at himself, Blaine because he was positively affected by the kiss.

The maze the aisles created were thankfully leading them into a darkened path next, the paintings all having spotlights on them in order to be seen, while they were hidden by shadows. Kurt was just glad the darkness encased him like a lost friend and gave him shelter to gather his thoughts without Blaine knowing. They had kissed. Not a kiss that lead up to more, just the press of two pair of lips that was over quickly and yet was long enough to plant doubt in Kurt. He was not supposed to like any of this. He never got attached and he wasn´t sure if that was possible when this date was everything he never allowed himself to dream about. Holding hands and kissing, because you wanted to. Kurt _wanted_ to.  
“Look! This is what I had hoped they´d show again.” Blaine said, interrupting Kurt´s thoughts.”This is a picture I really wanted you to see.”

They had come to a halt in front of a huge framed painting, showing the back of a brown-haired boy, embraced by two dark hands. It consisted of large brush strokes all equally done in a vertical manner. Bold colors were used to shape the pale skin of the boy, dark colors made up the background and the hands wrapped around him. Kurt´s breath got stuck when he understood.

“Why are you showing me this?” He gulped.”I don´t understand.”  
“Because this is how I see you.”

No more explanation was offered, though Kurt got the message loud and clear. He was the boy that would be swallowed up by darkness, and Blaine could see. The truth was, Kurt knew all that but being shown was a painful remainder of what he made himself forget every day.

“I mean that in the most positive way.” Blaine said as if reading his thoughts, but actually trying to make it worse.”The main focus of the point is someone whose mind –“  
“It´s okay. You don´t have to explain.”

“Please let me just-“  
“I understood just fine.” Kurt hissed and let go of Blaine´s hand to – to do what?

To run from possibly the only solution to his problem because of a fickle emotion? He really wanted to get lost in the maze until he would never be found again. It was a fact that he didn´t know Blaine apart from shallow first contact conversations that could have just as well been about the awful winter weather. Except they weren´t and this wasn´t usual for Kurt. This was exactly what little children´s dreams consisted of and the possibility alone that this was finally the spec of goodness in Kurt´s life, hurt badly. Blaine was, aside from his objectively seen handsome appearance, someone who gave. He gave him compliments and honesty and he wanted to give him happiness as well. But Kurt was giving as well. He gave his body any man who asked nicely and then waved around enough money to make him give it. They wouldn´t click and this shouldn´t bother Kurt. All he wanted was money and Blaine was his bank that would give and give and this time Kurt would take.

No, he told himself, he did not have any feelings, be it good or bad. He switched them off any night, this wouldn´t be different, just because it came wrapped in a shiny box.

Kurt still wanted to run, instead he anchored himself to Blaine again. Blaine whose eyes always seemed glued to him and filled with concern.

“I am sorry, that was immature.” He apologized.”I read they let the people paint their own canvases and donate the price to charity. Want to help me draw a little?”

Blaine nodded warily.”First, I want to apologize, too. I don´t know if this painting means the same thing to you it does to me, so I just wanted to say sorry. Dinner´s on me for ruining your night. I mean if you still want to go-“  
Kurt faked a chuckle and held his fingertip to Blaine´s mouth to shush him. This he was familiar with, seduction. He let Blaine grin and kiss it, let himself take what was given.

He was about to drag a finger down Blaine´s tie to smooth it, when his phone rang and threw his game. He needn´t look at his phone, he recognized the song. It felt like everything inside his body plummeted and without him realizing, his fake grin slipped and. There was no thought of pretence, just fear throbbing his his bones.

“I- I need to take this.”

Then he ran, just a bit, until he was lost in the maze and his only way back was the one he had come from. His hands shook when they finally answered the call.

“Finn?” he immediately said.”Is Finn alright? Has something happened?”

“Hey, calm down-“  
“Is Finn-? Did Hunter come over?”

Jeffrey exhaled long enough to cause another surge of panic with seconds passing by without Kurt knowing.

“Fuck, tell me! What happened, I can take it.”

“Kurt, this phone call is not even about Finn.”  
“Oh.” Kurt uttered.”Oh, this is about Hunter right?”

“He wants you to come as soon as possible. Karofsky is already in your room and you know he hates waiting. Bought the whole fucking night again that fuck-ass.”  
His heart pounded loudly in his chest, each beat a new sign that he was alive. Alive and living in hell.   
“Hunter also knows that you haven’t met with Karofsky now of course.” Jeff continued.”If I were you I´d be home soon.”  
Kurt thought hard about the next steps. There was only a night full of torture and sex waiting for him and he still had a plan he was working on. Even though he almost had strayed from the path.   
“Does Hunter know that you´re telling me?”  
“No, he said he would do it himself, so expect a call from him soon.”  
Kurt closed his eyes, embracing his narrow waist with his free hand, like he needed something to cling to.”Can you do me a favor? Hide Finn for a few hours, please. Please, I know that you all do so much for me already by keeping an eye on him, but I really need to do something tonight. Please, I´d be in your debt.”

Jeff didn´t reply, Kurt would know the answer anyway. Whoever dared to go against Hunter had something coming, and by hiding Finn, Jeff would be in huge trouble. And normally, Kurt cared about most residents like they were friends, but he just needed a bit more time to think.

“One hour, please Jeff. If not for me, do it for him. I´m afraid he will hurt him when I don’t show up in ten minutes and I just need a little more time.”

“Fine!” Jeff snapped.”An hour or I will kick him out. Fuck, I really hope you bring me a pack or two because I need more than one cigarette once he finds out.”  
A breath left Kurt.”Thank you. An hour, I promise.”

Once he had ended the call, he switched off his phone. It vibrated in his hands with another incoming call before it was finally dead. He only had 59 minutes now, needed at least 20 minutes home. Yes, enough time to stop being a gentleman and find the bathroom.

When he returned, Blaine eyed him with concern once again, capable of one emotion only it seemed. It was terribly annoying, which was why Kurt wouldn´t meet his eyes again. He simply looked where he was going while dragging Blaine through the maze.

“Where are we going?” Blaine yelped as they crossed a corner.  
“I really need to do something-.”  
“Okay.”

Gullible. So fucking gullible that it was surprising that no one had abducted Blaine as a kid. Abduction being a big word for a kid Kurt was certain, would go along if someone said he needed help. _Needed him._

The bathroom outside was as artsy as the inside. Blue lighting turning the pink sinks purple and the eyes of the mosaic kraken were glowing. Thankfully, they were alone, every cubicle door open and showing their empty state. Now all he had to do was decide for a role. Still shy, or daring now? Needy?

“Blaine, I really feel like this is going to be something special for us.” He started, batting his eyelids.”I haven´t felt that for anyone in such a long time. And I don´t want you to get the wrong opinion of me. I really am not like that.”  
“Like what?” Blaine gulped.

He was clearly affected by Kurt´s proximity, his leg moving against Blaine´s slightly apart ones. Almost touch his cock, but not quite yet.

“Like someone who wants to end this date in a special way, since something important has come up.”

Kurt stumbled a bit when Blaine took a step back. Hands were on his face next, forcing his head up gently. “Is everything alright? It´s not something serious, is it?”  
“No, I just need to be home soon to take care of Finn.” Blaine visibly relaxed, as if drained of his worry.”That is why, I wanted to know, if it was okay if I did something?”  
“Okay, what do you have in mind?”

Kurt´s eyes almost rolled all the way back into his head, where he´d see his brain sighing in irritation. He emphasized his point with a finger tracing the cloth-covered crotch, making Blaine gasp.

“Here?” Blaine asked between another hiss.

“It is an abstract art gallery, right? I think people will be a bit more open minded to new things?”

“I don´t know.” Kurt retracted his hand, noticing Blaine´s body involuntarily following it. “It is not that I don´t want to but- the thing with Craig is still making me hesitate, because this is exactly how our relationship started, minus the cubicle because he would think that beneath him, but look where it ended. I know this is not what you want, but could it wait? Just give me a bit more time and let me show you how much I want it then?”

Kurt tried not to show his annoyance, which was proving to be difficult. He had half a mind of convincing Blaine like he did with all the closet cases that were hesitant of fucking him. Instead he held up his hands.

“Of course it can. I am sorry if I was coming on too strong. How about we go out and look at some pictures and you tell me about this Craig?”  
Blaine´s smile returned, as did his touch. “Sure, though there is nothing much to tell.”

“There always is.” Kurt muttered.

“What?”  
“Oh, nothing. So Craig and you didn´t work out because-?”

Turned out they broke up because of sex. It was not a very interesting story, cheating wasn´t for someone who was daily used as the one they cheated with. He wondered if he knew this Craig. It was a big city and yet it seemed mighty small with the people he crossed while outside, looking at him knowingly even though he had no memory of ever sleeping with them. Yet they mostly had, proving it by messaging his butt and whispering promises of return.

Kurt tried to look shocked and sympathizing as Blaine omitted most of what had happened. He didn´t exactly show, but his giving character had recovered with scars to show. Scars that Kurt would not only rip open, but create more once he was finished, which suddenly didn´t feel  as good.

“I think this not a good basis for our first date.” Blaine suddenly cut himself off midsentence.

“What was the night at the bar, if not a date.”  
“That doesn´t count. I didn´t even pay.”  
Kurt scowled a bit, when really he was pleased with that answer.”Believe it or not, I am a man as well. And I can be all gentlemanly when I want to be, too.”  
“That wasn´t what I meant.” Blaine rushed to say.  
“I can open your door, I can pay for the dinner and I can compliment you on your wardrobe.”  
“Of course you can.” Blaine mumbled.”I didn´t want you to feel like you couldn´t.”  
His eyes didn´t leave the floor until Kurt laughed and bumped his shoulder lightly. “Blaine, I was teasing you and your dapper-man self-made codex of gentlemen.”

“What? You dare mock me, sir?” He quipped teasingly.

And through that the date was set on the right track again, no more awkward feelings about the bathroom incident or the whining about the ex lingering. For the remainder of the shortcut evening, they evaluated pictures and tried to come up with creative titles for them. Blaine had seemed like a stiff, rich man that tired to stay youthful through jokes. Turned out, he was youthful and his humor even kind of clicked with the dry one Kurt actually had.

When Kurt needed to go, his lips lingered for about a second longer but the kiss was so achingly sweet that it never would fit right into the tightly knitted association he had with kissing.

 

x

Kissing Karofsky always entailed tongue and hunger for more. And yet he was disgusted how similar the words ushered were to what he had heard Blaine say.

“You are so beautiful.” Karofsky said after relentlessly fucking Kurt´s mouth.”I love how smooth your skin is and how clushed and red your cheeks are after- yunno.” Sex. Gay sex. Spit it out, you´re fucking a male whore.” I love you so much, Lucky.”

“Sure.” Kurt said, no point trying to be someone else. Karofsky was too stupid to even truly listen, engulfed in a bubble of sick emotions.  
“I saved up to 4000 Dollars now, just a few more to go until we can finally get you out of here. We won´t have a nice apartment for a while but at least we, uhm, have this, right?”  
“Uhum.”  
“There is this nice place I want to take you soon, someplace where we it is only us. Hunter said he agreed to it if the price was right, so I have to save up some more and we´ll go in summer. You´d like to be in the woods right? I wouldn´t want your skin to burn on a beach or the men to look at what´s mine.”  
Kurt sighed, sitting up. “As nice as that is, if talking is all you want to do, I have better things to do.”  
He regretted it the following second when his head was pulled back by his hair and damp breath met his face.”Better things like what? No one appreciates you like I do. They just want someone to fuck and go. Us, that is different.”  
“You can´t even spell the word gay and you tell me what we have is special or that you love me? Surprise, having sex with a man when you are male is considered majorly gay. And you don´t do a good job staying in the closet.”

His hair was gripped tighter, but no sound escaped his lips. This was nothing, he has had worse. Karofsky still seethed, finally letting go but pinning Kurt’s body under his instead. “What has brought this on? Since when do you act that way?”  
“Since fucking ever. Just get it over with and leave, or go to sleep and you’re your money go to waste on me.”  
“It was the guy you have been with, right? That fucker you lied to Hunter about? I thought you lied because you tried to meet me but couldn´t because you didn´t know where I lived. But you meet some guy that pays you more right? He was the one who told you to act like that, is that it? Does he love you? Does he tell you how beautiful you are, like I do?”  
Kurt didn´t reply, knowing it wouldn´t penetrates the thick skull of him.

“Fine, if you don´t want to tell me, I will simply come here every evening, pay in advance. He won´t see you again because you can be with me.”  
“You think you can do that? I can still refuse!”

He couldn´t. Not that night, not ever.

Hunter was right for once, Kurt had brought that on and while it hadn´t been the worst sex he had been forced to endure, the shallow compliments still made his skin crawl long after Karofsky had fallen asleep next to him. At the first sign of the deep snore that fucker had, he was off the bed, wiping himself clean and was out the room that Hunter had given him on his sixteenth birthday. His clothes consisted of the tiniest shorts and a slutty top falling off one shoulder, all the wardrobe Karofsky had ordered him to wear. The lipstick was long kissed and licked away, but his mouth still tasted like ash and cum.

The high-heels he now wore in his hand were clicking against each other while he walked, not loud enough to drown out the noises coming from the other rooms or the loud music from the bar beneath him. He felt no more used today than he did on most nights, and yet he almost didn´t have the power to go home and possibly face a death threats of Jeff or the prodding of Finn. He definitely was not up to a conversation with Rachel, who glared at him, sitting on the stairs he wanted to go up either.

He tried to ignore her, but she wouldn´t budge a bit to let him through and he hadn´t reached the point of hurting people in order to get what he wanted. Other´s filled that spot nicely anyway.

“Good evening, Kurt. Heard Karofsky has booked a night, and yet you are here and not with him. What does that tell me?”  
“Evening, Rachel. Heard it is none of your business. Would you be so kind and move your scantly covered ass from the stairs?”

She let out a haughty sound. Rachel Berry, Mrs. Innocent most called her, Fanny she wanted to be called by clients, but Kurt mostly stuck with bitch. And she was and he did not solely mean her occupation with that. She had come here with seventeen, to New York that is, with dreams of Broadway and wearing cat sweaters until she fell for Hunter and landed here, in this business. At least that was what people told him and he wasn´t all too interested whether it was the truth. He judged people on how they behaved when they were at their lowest point, and all sluts working for Hunter had long reached that point. Rachel just secluded herself from every little acquaintanceship that you could form in hell and lashed out to everyone. Santana wasn´t much better but unlike Rachel, she never sucked up to Hunter and she had her moments of hidden kindness.

So maybe it was true, that Rachel was still pining for the devil and that was the reason she told him every secret she found out about his ´employees´. The truth was that Hunter still barely paid her attention and for once he was grateful for that not for her sanity sake but for the little fun he had whenever her heard her scream when Hunter didn´t let her into his office. That he left would not go unheard by Hunter now, but he was too exhausted to care.

Her scowl was replaced by a wicked smile. Once upon a time, she must have been an ordinary girl with dreams higher than the Empire State Building but now she was here with him and her arrogance was as fake as the innocent girl she played for her costumers.

“Well, well, well, someone is grumpy. Why is that? Has Hunter finally decided he didn´t need your untalented, used body here? Someone told me you have turned a bit lose. He won´t like that since people pay less for you.”  
“Bitch, just please get it over with, I just want to go to bed.”  
“Hunter will hear about this. Not only have you lied to him about your whereabouts, you also did not take his call. I was with him when he called, you know, and damn he was really pissed off. Wait until he hears what you called me! I convinced him to would be best if he taught you manners.”

“Sucking his dick will not improve manners, no matter how much you tell yourself it does.”  
When Rachel made space for him, he looked at her warily. She wore a grin widened by the smudged pink lip-gloss, making her look like an evil clown. “No, but him spending a whole weekend with Finn will.”  
“What?” He whipped around, close to manhandling her in his panicked state.”What did you say?”

“You heard me.”  
Kurt bit down on his lips. There was no point on staying, she would never tell him more, always teasing him with the only pressure point he had. He skipped stairs while running up to the third floor where the apartments of them were locate. Rachel´s yelling echoed up the staircase and in his head.

“That is what you get for turning your back. Soon, he won´t favor you anymore and you know what that means for your brother.”

Then she laughed and laughed and laughed, like a broken record of one of the Broadway ones he had stolen from her. He had to get to Finn and then he had to set everything right.

He found Jeff and Finn in Nick´s apartment, cuddled into a thick ball of three guys on one couch. Sighing he went to change his clothes as to not disturb Finn once he woke up and found Kurt in clothes meant for women. His handy glowed with new text messages when he turned it on, and nine calls from his boss. He was tired for either. He returned to Nick´s, cuddling close into the tiny space left for him. Finn´s eyes opened slightly, spotted him and sluggishly he made his way over to Kurt´s lap, where he sat down, chin pressed on top of Kurt´s shoulder.

“Kurt, why-“  
He stroked his brother´s hair until he stopped speaking. “Go back to sleep buddy. I´m right here.”

X

**Blaine Anderson 10.21 pm: I accidentally bought the butt picture. Now I don´t even know where to put it. Do you have any use for your ´heart´´?**

**Blaine Anderson 11.12 pm: I thought about it and you could help me find a new space for the picture. We can paint and donate a picture like we wanted to and cook something for dinner until it is time to move on to the Butt´s new place in my home. I´ll send you my address and maybe you could come over sometime this week?**

**Blaine Anderson 11.35 pm: Good night. xx**

 


	4. They tell you that you´re lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heed the warnings.

Chapter 4

 

This time there really was no _this_ time. It was whenever he stood in the bathroom, glancing, and then truly looking at himself that he would hate what he saw. Bags under lifeless eyes and a too pale skin that set off the red lips of his. At least he looked better than he felt. He hated this, hated himself, especially when mornings left him raw with emotions that mostly wore off after a few minutes of clarity. He never should look into the mirror by morning, because all he saw a cheap whore, something he never wanted to be. Hunter´s words, the sentences he had to repeat, had slowly taken roots in his body and doubt was what remained.

“I hate you.” He muttered, before turning away.

Kurt gritted his teeth against the world, closing of after giving in to all the voices that repeated insult after insult he had heard thrown at him before. The worst were the ones he had said about himself though, cutting in like a knife before twisting it with every doubt he had about himself because of them. There never was the right time to patch the wounds if he wanted to. He looked into the mirror a last time and put on a fake smile.

Then he was out of the bathroom, cigarette he only smoked in the mornings between his lips and a tiny bit of whiskey in his coffee before he was ready to face a new day. Both helped him regain the walls up to protect himself and he functioned like a machine, working on the plan he had spent sleepless hours over. Behind the stove, he prodded against a tile until it loosened and revealed the black box he then opened with a key he had taped onto the back of the next broken tile. Once opened, he was quick to extract the sum of money that he had intended to take and longingly gazed at the picture of his parents that was in there with it.

His father looked gruff, like someone that wouldn´t know how to hold anything fragile when his hands were meant for cars and hard work and yet he gently held Kurt in the photograph. He had called him buddy and bud and that was where Kurt´s memories ended. His mother had always smelled of baking, from the tips of her curly hair to her paint smudged jeans. They looked completely opposite of each other and they had created him. Kurt  wasn´t gentle even though he looked fragile and he wished for his father´s strengths when life held him under water´s surface.

More than once he had found himself wondering what life would have been like if they hadn´t died, but recently he had stopped because there was no point in wishing for something you couldn´t have. He had Finn and that had to do.

Finn was the reason he saved money from his job, because Kurt wanted to ensure a better life for him. College was expensive and even though his job paid well, he did not have the amount some demanded yet. If possible he really wanted Finn to have a car at his sixteenth birthday as well, like any teenager could. The more reason for him to hurt when taking money for his decoy.

He could just hope that Blaine would soon be their benefactor and be worth the risk he was taking, the money he was sacrificing. There was no right or wrong when your world had always been tinted dark. The only thing left to do was try and try to not get swallowed whole.

x

He had carried Finn out of Jeff´s apartment and placed him at the kitchen counter. Moments later Finn´s head rested on it and he was asleep again. Meanwhile Kurt worked on the recipe that was sure to resurrect Finn, heating the pan while humming a Wicked song. Like a siren call, the smell of freshly made pancakes had Finn´s head snap up.

“Pancakes?” Finn mumbled, rubbing his eyes.”With banana´s and nutella?”

“With whip-cream.”  
Finn grumbled lowly, as if displeased with the alternative.“And Strawberries?”  
“It is December, Finn. Winter strawberries taste awful and we have standards- At least I have, I am pretty sure you would eat anything as long as it was served with pancakes. You remember how you once ate them with salad dressing? Because I do and I also recall the two days of nursing you because you had stomach aches.” He replied.

“I can´t remember something like that.” Finn was a bad liar. “Nutella tastes great whatever season it is though, bro.”  
“I only forgive you for using that horrible word since it is still early and because we can agree on you not asking questions about yesterday in exchange.”

Not receiving a reply, he was pretty sure Finn had nodded. The brothers were not morning persons but at least the ten-year-old did not just have alcohol and nicotine to get over the drowsy cloud inside his head. All he needed was the chocolate treat Kurt finally gave in to serving the pancakes with.

Soon enough, Finn´s face was smeared with Nutella and whip cream, teeth brown when he grinned. He was optimistic of making Finn drop that habit since he had managed to make him stop chewing with his mouth open just recently. A part of him, a very large part of him, was happy to have those simply moment of Finn being childish. Who knew how long he would have them?   
“It tastes like Jesus has made babies with milk” Finn said laughing at the face Kurt made at that mental picture.”That reminds me of a Powerrangers episode. One time there was this guy, Abergrowl, that kind of looked like a giant metal cow with a unicorn and he was fighting the green ranger that looked like a hippy. Or was it the red one? No, I think it was Fletscher- or was it?”

With as much enthusiasm as Kurt could muster, he nodded along at the right times and asked questions. They rarely had Saturday morning together. Especially lately they had not found time to talk about anything not relating to Kurt´s secret, which was mostly because Kurt had to work and hide and Finn was up and off with friends before he awoke. He still had his whole life in front of him and the hardships that came with it would be fended off by Kurt as long as he had a strong will inside his body.

“Kurty?”

Kurt´s eyebrow rose mockingly. There was only one question that could be asked now.”Yes, Finny?”  
“Are there any pancakes left?”  
“Nope.”  
“Oh.” Finn said, face contorted as if he was facing a mathematical problem.”Oh, but I am still hungry. So hungry for more and you are the world´s greatest brother making the world´s greatest pancakes. Not even the pancakes at the restaurant are as delicious as the ones you make. They are heaven covered in Nutella. Have I mentioned what a great brother you are? Is that Alexander McKing you wear?”  
Kurt laughed at what he must have taught his brother at one point. “You mean McQueen, but no, I wish it was. You have become quite a flatterer. Just know that compliments will only get you so far.”

Finn laughed.”Well they helped me get more pancakes and an extra portion Nutella?”  
“For the start you could take the left over Nutella off your cheeks if you want more. Two pancakes coming right up, but you should really slow down on your intake.”  
“Because otherwise I get as fat as the pancakes, I know.” Finn supplied, making Kurt actually laugh.

His brother had grown up in body and even though mornings were not his time to shine the brightest, Kurt knew that he was growing out of his childhood. It made him proud, but in the back of his mind he felt the terror rising. Childhood had been cruel to him but growing up had devoured him. Finn would- if his plan failed- Finn would work-   
No, he couldn´t think of that.

He forced a smile, focused on the jar he was promptly closing.”No, there is nothing wrong with any weight, as long as you’re healthy. And guess what, having this much pancakes is not.”

“Noah has some everyday.”  
“Well, Noah is not you, is he?”

Finn grumbled around his mouth full of chewed food.”No, he isn´t. I wouldn´t want to be him, he is never allowed Nutella. And he always has to watch his sister that wants to play dress up. One time she made me wear a princess dress. Noah laughed but it wasn´t even that funny because it was a good fit. You would have liked the color of it.”

Kurt nodded, proud of how nonjudgmental Finn was being.”You know, I was thinking about something-“ he started lightly.”How about, for the next few days, you sleep at Noah´s place? I already called his mother and she was fine with it. You could pack the new dinosaur pajama we bought last week. I am sure Puck will be jealous.”

Kurt carefully watched his brother react. Finn nodded, then his face scrunched up in confusion, then he shook his head.   
“I don´t know. Puck always wants to play wrestling and it hurts-“

There was a loud knock on the door, accompanied by shouts interrupting Finn. Kurt´s heartbeat quickened but he tried to remain calm when he addressed him, even though he felt sick to the bone.  
“Finn, go and pack your bags. Go over to Santana, wake her if you have to, and tell her to drive you over to Puck´s.”  
“But my pancakes-“  
“Finn! Do as I say!” Kurt hissed.

The shouts in the background got louder and he knew Hunter was just trying to shake him up. He had a key, but he wanted Kurt to know he´d be in trouble. For now that gave Kurt time to rush to Finn´s room and pack clothes for the next three days.   
“I don´t want to. Puck is a meany!”  
“I have important work to do. Hunter needs the papers on his desk in an hour and he wants to check up on the progress now. You know how he hates to be distracted by children.”  
Finn was yelling now, unsuccessfully trying to wrench the bag out of his brother´s hands.”Please, Kurty. I really, really don´t want to sleep there.”

“Please don´t make a fuss and go!” Kurt yelled.

A key in the door and the voice ringing through his apartment was no longer muffled by thin wood between them. In a sprint he gathered Finn´s favorite tiger pet and his pillow before he handed Finn his backpack. He couldn´t look into his brother´s eyes, knowing that the tears were running down his cheeks  now. Every sob of him broke his heart open a little wider.  
“Oh Kurty! Ku-rt we have to talk.” His boss sing-songed.

Soon after, Hunter strode into the room, followed by Nick and Jeff who looked apologetic and Rachel the Bitch openly celebrating. As much as he disliked her, at least with more people the chances of Hunter going too far lowered slightly.

“There you two are. Such a cute little family.” His smile slipped a bit when he saw the boy´s backpack. “Leaving so soon Finn? I thought we´d agreed on going to the beach?”  
Kurt scowled, pressing his sobbing brother against his chest and as far away as he could from Hunter. His presence alone filled the room with poison bubbling in Kurt´s veins.

“Ku- Ku-rt said- I.”  
“We´ll talk about it later. Now go and do as I said or this will be the last time you ate my pancakes.” Finn struggled in his grip, running off before Kurt could tell him to be careful and to be good- and that he loved him.

“I hate you!” Finn screamed when he was at the door. He was gone, taken Kurt´s heart with him but he focused on the whole picture. At least he seemed to comply and Hunter didn´t stop him from leaving.

He was save.

“My heart melts whenever I see you two. God, even as a child he has been awful, I really don´t know why you bother so much with him.” Gesturing to Nick, Hunter set his plan into motion.

He still _is_ a child- Kurt wanted to yell, but the words got stuck in his mouth as Nick´s hands gripped his wrists and moved them behind his back. At first he had the urge to fight, ignoring the fact that Nick was someone he knew, partly even trusted, but then the panic left his body. His hands were still kept in place, but the hold was soft and warm, wordlessly reassuring him.

He understood when Jeff shot him an apologetic look before taking a bat Kurt only noticed him holding now and swung it into Kurt´s lamp. It shattered almost quietly compared to the beat of his heart in his ears.   
“Stop!What is -?” Kurt struggled now, to no avail.

The cookie jar on the kitchen counter was next. This time the shatter was accompanied by Rachel´s laugh.  
“That is enough for now, J. I think Kurt understands that this is what will happen if he lies to me.”Hunter stopped short in front of him, roughly gripping his chin.”You do, don´t you?”  
He didn´t receive a reply but his grin cut through Kurt´s insides like a razor blade. Whatever his face gave away, it seemed satisfying to the sadist.  
“Lucky, you have one chance of telling me the whole truth about your little stunts or I can´t promise you you will recognize this place. I mean it surely needs some changes but I think we can both agree that you won´t be too happy with my choices. So what will it be?”  
“I´ll tell you. Please, I´ll tell you if you just stop.” Kurt said. Fingertips were brushing over the skin at his wrists to soothe him.

“What a good little dove. Frankly I had hoped we had to crack a few more things here and there-“Hunter poked his fingers into Kurt´s ribcage. ”but what gives.”  
Kurt swallowed down the lump, eyes purposely flickering to the couch and back to Hunter.

“I- I- I played tricks with someone who paid me quite a sum and Finn needed- He just needed new clothes and I had no money left.”  
Hunter cocked an eyebrow. “You fucked a stranger outside? You really want to tell me that you lied because someone used you outside of this place? And you think I´d fall for that bullshit? J, Finn´s superhero figures need some attention. Let them meet out friend the bat.”

That was the moment real panic set in, not the state he had put himself into to set his own plan into motion. Sure, they were only plastic figures of Powerrangers, but they meant something. Finn loved them and Kurt had done extra hours to buy them in the collector edition. Jeff glanced at him worriedly before closing his eyes and walking out of the room.  
“No!” Kurt called after him, struggling until he was free for a few seconds. Nick was quicker and stronger, but he had to feel Kurt´s short nails bite into his skin.”I swear to you, I am telling the truth. Jeffrey! Wait, not Finn´s-“

Plastic cracked in the background.”Boss, please- I just needed the money. The guy paid me so much better than the rest for doing it at his apartment. I couldn´t say no. I asked for it.”

“How much was it?” Kurt jumped as another crack filled the air. “ How much for using that loose hole?”  
“Enough.”  
“Don´t fuck with me! I want to know how much money you owe me for this. You know that 60% rightfully belong to me you fucking slut!”

The sting set in long after he was hit. It was Nick who no longer held him in place, but supported him to stay upright while the metallic taste of his blood filled his mouth and his ears rung.

“Kurt, tell him.” Jeff said in a hushed voice as he came out of Finn´s room. He looked as bad as Kurt felt. Like the both of them had been cracked instead of the plastic.

Rachel chimed in from behind, mocking Jeff´s tone. “Yes, Kurt, tell him.”

“No! Nonononono.”

“Listen to me, Lucky.” Hunter hissed, once again holding his chin in place.”I only have so much patience. I´d have no qualms fucking you right against the wall until your voice was truly lost but we´ll safe that for later. I know your pressure point. Everyone does. Let me just mention Finn and I bet your tongue will work quite fast. I trained your tongue, I know. When, with whom and how much money do I get?”

“I can´t.” Kurt´s eyes flickered to the couch. “I spent it already.”

“Maybe we will wait for your brother to arrive. I bet he breaks as easily as his little dolls. I´ll even make you watch until either of you faints.”

Kurt remained silent, eyes filling with tears but no matter how often he glanced at the hiding place of the money, Hunter wouldn´t get it. He had to though in order to make it a believable story. Any second that passed made Kurt more restless though, constricting him while he tried to stay away from those thoughts.  
Finn lying broken next to his feet. His father had beaten him again for eating cookies before bedtime. Kurt cried, clutching the toddler to his chest, not knowing how else to help. How to make the sobs and screams stop for they would soon draw more attention to him and Finn was already bruising. There was no place not covered in bruises.  Finn. They´d break Finn. He needed to save Finn.

“Fine.” Hunter stroked his cheek before backhanding him again. “Give me an hour. You think your little friends in here won´t talk and tell me where you are hiding him? You are wrong. Let me wave around some money, not much, just what I make with a few lap dances from the girls downstairs, and your friends will run their mouths.” Kurt shook his head.”Yes, they will. You know what happens next? I lure him into coming back home, just a few hours from now, because he trusts me and he hates you. And when he is right in front of you I will begin with breaking his fingers, starting small, then his hands-“

Kurt saw Hunter´s mouth move but no sound penetrated his ears over the sound of his own heart, loud as drums. Somewhere far away he heard someone breathing heavily but he couldn´t move to help. He couldn´t do anything. His chest hurt like it was about to burst.  
“Shit- Kurt, calm down. Kurt, calm the fuck down-“ A  muffled voice said from somewhere.

The blurry picture of someone flickered up in his vision between the bursts of color and the black screens. “His ribs will follow, one by one. Then I´ll break Finn´s –“  
No air. He needed air, he finally understood and gasped and gasped for something that never seemed to enter his lungs. He vaguely recalled needed to count his fingers but his body was in stupor. He needed to breathe.  
“That´s enough. Finn is just a little boy. It is one thing to hurt this slut but you can´t really mean to hurt a child.”

The pictures got clearer, even if the meaning stayed hidden from his clouded mind. Hunter had Rachel at her throat, pressed against the wall. One breath, another. Jeff was pressing something in front of his mouth.

“Shut up!” Hunter roared.”You think I care about that? Kurt was just as young when he choked on my cock to earn his rent. Now I ask you again, do you think I would even bat an eyelid over breaking his brother? Finn´s worthless, it is Kurt I am interested in.”

Kurt´s vision was occupied by Jeff and Nick that now hovered above him while he breathed in the stale air of a bag. In and out, in and out. The world returned to him in bright colors and in the pain of his shoulders that were pressed to the floor as he lay there. He didn´t see it, but he heard Rachel being released and her voice returning to beg for forgiveness. She was still a bitch but he´d remember this. Until now he had never forgotten when someone was nice to Finn.

“Kurt, just tell him about the money.” Nick begged him. “I can´t do this any longer.”  
“Please. Please do this.” Jeff chimed in.

“Finn.” Kurt whispered.”This is all for Finn.” _Help me_ , his lips formed. He intently stared at the couch until they seemed to understand. Nick and Jeff looked at each other before Nick stood up. Everyone knew that those two were especially close. They knew best who could do this and who couldn´t.

“Nick, no-“ Jeff said.

“Sorry but I have to do this. I just need the money.” Kurt played along, grabbing at Nick, as did Jeff when Hunter turned to them. The outline of his cock visible as he grinned down at Kurt.

“You think I´ll believe a word out of your mouth after that heroic saving of our little fainting dove? Don´t think I am stupid, I know what happens in my house. But, please, amuse me with your lies. Maybe it will be good enough to not make me punish you after this.” Hunter demanded, stepping closer. Meanwhile Rachel knelt by the door, eyes locked on Kurt. For once her amusement was gone.  
“What else should I have done? If he had crashed he would have possibly fallen into the glass table. We´d have to have called an ambulance and you know how they like to ask questions.” Nick calmly supplied.”You are right as well, I like Kurt. But this is business and friendship won´t buy me the things I want. Money does.”

Both of them were shaken off by Nick when he walked over to Hunter. Jeff was silent as Kurt begged and pleaded but Hunter still didn´t look convinced of their story. That changed however when Nick went to the kitchen and returned with a knife. Hunter´s eyes widened, but he was quick at reaching into the inside pocket of his suit, where his gun was located. One second of hesitation would have ended Nick´s life right then. Just one second he would have spent in the stupor of looking at the gun´s small hole instead of jamming the knife right into Kurt´s couch.

The room was eerily quiet apart from the shrill shredding of Kurt´s furniture. It wasn´t necessary. He had hidden it between cushion and backrests but despite his heart breaking for his couch, he appreciated the artistically purpose of it. Not that he didn´t shed some tears because of it, between the tears of fear.  AT least he was calmer now with his goal right in front of him. Finn would stay unharmed. If everything worked out, this would not be in vain.

Right then Nick found the crumbled 500 Dollar bills one by one until Hunter twisted his wrists behind his back and took the money.”Thank you, your service isn´t needed any longer.”

“Where is my payment? I fucking found what you were looking for. I want my cash!”

Hunter laughed. Kurt could only guess where the two grands were shoved when Nick gasped and then yelped. With Jeff´s help Kurt was able to sit up, feeling how sore the muscles in his chest were and how spent he felt. No more tears were leaking out of the corner of his eyes. He was focused on the two men standing behind his now shredded couch and the first stone falling that set along his plan.   
“Leave us alone now.”Hunter bellowed at them.”Me and Lucky still have some things to catch up on.”  
Rachel looked like she was about to protest but for once she was wise enough to stand up and stumble out of the room in too high shoes. Jeff gently placed a kiss to his hair but then stood up and did not turn around until he was gone. From outside, faint as a whisper carried by the wind, he heard Nick utter his apologies. However, they were not needed. This is what he had wanted to happen.

Hunter and him alone, he scrambled backwards when he was approached. He didn´t think about the blow that the college save-ups had taken for this, he focused on the present.

“4 Grand? You betray me for measly 4 grand? That´s what you make in two weeks if you do a little overtime. You can’t tell me that this is what you hid from me? Come on, Lucky, what else is there? You know you don´t want me to go through with my plan of breaking a certain someone´s every bone, do you? No? It´s easy, just tell me the truth because there is no one else here that will help your sorry ass anymore if you don´t.”

Kurt was quiet, hugging his knees to his chest. He needed to draw it out, despite the consequences. Otherwise Hunter wouldn´t buy it. After all, his cleverness was a big factor in him owning this business for his relatively young age. He knew how to pull the strings, when to be kind, when to be forceful. Kurt had been naive when they had met. Not naive enough to believe Hunter was just a concerned citizen that would provide an underage boy and his little brother refuge, but he had been fooled into thinking he´d have to sow along other children until his hands were bleeding. He hadn´t been as lucky.

Never in his life had Kurt been lucky.

“What will it be? Finnessas unfortunate deformation or a confession?” Hunter raised Kurt´s chin as he crouched down next to him. “You know, I have 50 men in line for your ass, some very peculiar creatures among them that have very special requests. Most just want a gangbang situation. It will give you more than 4 k, if you are drugged, that´s for certain. Karofsky also asked for a permanent stamp on you but I am still contemplating.” Moist breath met Kurt´s ear shell as Hunter whispered into his ear. “Is that finally reason enough to convince you?”

“I-“  
“Is that how a confession is done? I believe I taught you better.” Hunter immediately interrupted him.

For a moment, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This needed to be done. With the last ounce of power he possessed, he brought himself into a kneeling position, hands on Hunter´s ass and nose touching the hard on Hunter had revealed after standing up.

“Forgive me Hunter, for I have sinned.”

Hunter gasped at the friction and at his special title. “Tell me more, but don´t let me get too bored.”

“The guy who paid me said there´d be more with each time he could see me. He has this thing for me.” He stopped, occupied his tongue with something other than talking. “I think his dad has this internet platform that made them rich overnight and has the guy throwing around money everywhere he goes.” Hunter moaned above him as Kurt´s tongue circled the tip.”He wants to be my sugar daddy. I just want to have more money to spend on _him_ , is that such a bad thing?”  
His scalp burned when he was pulled back at his hair. Hunter´s eyes were hard but desire clouded his vision. “What are you implying?”

Kurt dove forward, barely winching when some hair got ripped out in the process. He quickly finished his boss off, which was an easy task after years of forced practice. His voice was rough from the treatment of his throat when he spoke afterwards.

“I´ll be good. Give me a few weeks and I will bring him here as my permanent. Think about what he could give if this is my payment for two nights. This is more than Karofsky or anyone else would pay for a slut like me.”  
“Why would I trust you now to give me the money? I could say no and give you to more man until you make the same amount as you do with him.”

Kurt bit his lip. He had known it wouldn´t be that easy. Not even when Hunter was blissed out. “I wouldn´t stop taking on others. This is twice the amount you make with me working him and ore men. Remember, we have agreed on the drugs.”

He saw his boss hesitate, tuck himself in as he thought about the thing that was as important to him as his power over others was. Money. If what Kurt said was true, he would increase his intake.   
“Why outside though? Lure him in here and I´ll agree. With Richy Rich paying your useless ass, I may even let you have more privileges. You could work in the bar service twice a week. How about that?”

Any other night a month ago would have make Kurt cry in joy over that opportunity. This was all for a bigger purpose though and he couldn´t stop now. Not after what he had endured. Kurt glanced up, shedding a few tears that weren´t fake with his body at its limits. Hunter was weak towards someone below him that he had bullied enough to cry. It got him off, no touch needed.

“He said he likes to keep up the attitude. He wants the whole date and fuck thing and he wants the chamber he has at home-“  
“Kinky.”

“In other words, let me off a few hours the nights he demands me and we both will be happier and richer.”

Hunter nodded but did not confirm otherwise. He glanced at Kurt and up, like the air held all his dreams of wealth. His head ached with every heart beat that got him closer to the answer. If this plan failed he wasn´t sure how, but he´d run. He would try and run where Hunter would never find him and continue working on the streets for money. There was nothing else he could do. Blaine was the only alternative.

“I get 70% of what you make and I get to decide when you go see him and for how long. I don´t entirely trust you, you are too much of a fighter for this. But ultimately I have your weakness right in my palm and the next misstep you do, one dollar missing, one client´s complaint or just a second of hesitation when I order you to do something will be taken out on Finn. I like you ferocious, but it is time I tame the wild beast.”

Kurt thanked him the whole weekend through.

X

**Kurt 1 am: Hey. Sorry I am only answering now, family weekends are hectic when you have a little brother that keeps you on your feet 24/7.  I would love to find the right space for the butt picture. I am sure it will enhance the bathroom for example. Tell me when to come over and we can spent a nice evening together. I miss you. xx.**

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued support. <3 I will try to update more frequently now.

Chapter 5

 

Kurt 10 pm: I am bored.

 

The air still smelled like remnant of disinfectants and polish now simply mixed with the lemon spray installed in his home. Simply said, it was not yet ready to impress someone, but at least it was scrubbed perfectly clean. Blaine´s hands were proof of that, slightly wrinkled from the cleaning products. He had planned this day to the second and still he couldn´t shake the feeling of nervousness beating against his ribcage. It was Just. A. Date.

Kurt, however, was not just a guy.

It had taken him more than an evening to figure that out. There was no doubt that Kurt was special. He had secrets, he was diverse and Blaine simply wanted to figure him out. Understand why his eyes were constantly sad while his mouth contradicted that emotion and why Blaine felt like everything was so different with him. It had been such a struggle to hold back when all he wanted was to explore the feeling of heat and electricity he felt with every touch and every kiss and every true laugh. It wasn´t enough and yet he had to do everything right. Last time, sex had been the thing ruining his relationship but now he craved it because of Kurt.

With Kurt he felt like he was in high school once again, having his first crush. He wanted to be around Kurt, his heart fluttered whenever he received a text, hoping it would be from Kurt. The last weekend they had written about everything and nothing. Kurt was witty when he wasn´t being shy and he dared to not hide his true thoughts. Blaine wanted him to trust to come out of his shell. They had talked for hours last night, about nothing in particular, the conversation ranging from flowers to tv shows, which they found out had common taste in. They had stayed clear of everything heavy, even though Blaine had always wanted to let him know that he´d be there to help with the burden Kurt kept from him.

It was crazy, completely crazy to feel like this when they hadn´t known each other for that long. For now, he couldn´t call it love, but that is what he felt was the likely outcome if finally they could fit more time together into their crazy schedule. Today was such a day and while the apartment was spot on, he barely had time to save anything when he noticed that his risotto had slightly burned.  No amount of Google research could help with that.

Soon enough his hands were caked in the batter for the pastries he had planned to serve after the disaster of a meal when the bell rang. He quickly put it into the fridge and took a deep breath, trying to calm down before his visitor would notice. With shaky, but now clean hands he opened the door for a sight that completely drove out any worries that this night would turn out to be perfect. Steely blue eyes lingered on his, so familiar with their sadness. This time Kurt was wearing a black suit over a white dress shirt that was lined with a grey collar and trims. An outfit that was a bit loose on him but Blaine was still rendered speechless for a good part of time.

“Aren´t you going to invite me in?”

Blaine nodded, before remembering his manners. “Of course.” He steps aside to let him enter.”You look very handsome tonight. May I take your jacket?”

He felt Kurt hesitate, look at him warily before setting on a broad smile and turning around. By now he was used to this even though he hadn´t figured out Kurt´s reason to be cautious. There´d come a day that Kurt would understand that Blaine truly was that way and had no ulterior motives. At least none that he would force onto him, if the candles in the bedroom and the champagne was anything to go by.

Blaine´s hands brushed over the expensive fabric covering Kurt´s shoulders before he helped him out of the jacket. Both men didn´t move, chest to back, close enough to fear Kurt could hear his galloping heart.  
“What a gentleman.” Kurt commented softly.

“A gentleman you deserve.” Blaine kissed the back of Kurt´s neck.”Do you want to have the grand tour of my apartment now, or after dinner?”

While Blaine put the jacket on the hanger he watched Kurt looking at the many pieces of art hanging on his wall. They ranged from photographs to impressionistic art to mannerism, all equally meaningful to him.

“Now.”

Blaine happily obliged. His home was precious to him and he enthusiastically introduced every room to Kurt, dropping a few information, mindful not to bore Kurt to death simultaneously, until they had reached the kitchen. Kurt had not commented on the candles in the bedroom, or the roses on the bedside table.

“That is practically it. Apart from the kitchen I should use more often.” Blaine ended his monologue. Kurt´s arms were crossed in front of his body and nodded as if he had to take every detail in.

“You really have a great place.” He replied while carefully touching a counter.”It has to be expensive living that close to Central Park.”

“It´s steep but worth it. I am grateful to have enough space for my instruments and place to make my own mediocre art. And I actually like the atmosphere of that neighborhood. That reminds me, do you still want to paint for that auction? I´d have several canvases and colors here.”

“Of course.” Kurt turned around to him, body slowly relaxing.”But dinner first? It smells incredible in here for someone who says he never spends time in kitchen.”

A blush spread on Blaine´s lips when Kurt slid close enough to have parts of their bodies touch.”About that. I- I actually have to admit that I had the misfortune of burning some of the parmesan risotto I prepared.”

 “You actually burnt risotto?” Kurt grinned while Blaine shamefully sunk his head. Seconds later Kurt was in back in his vision. “Come on, we´ll make something new.”

“You don´t want me in the kitchen. My mum always sent me out of it for a reason since I was a kid.”

Kurt raised Blaine´s chin. “Then let me do my magic.”

And magic he did, even though Blaine did not know how. With the few ingredients he had in the fridge and cupboards, Kurt now had all the stoves running. It smelled sweet from one pot and spicy from another and Kurt hummed under his breath whenever he stirred something.

“Where have you learnt to cook like that?” Blaine asked standing beside the cook.  
A spoon in his mouth, Kurt turned to him. “My mother taught me. I always watched her and helped her make every dish if I could. She would let me sit on the counter and when we were finished I was always allowed the left over batter of cookies.”

There was such sadness in his voice that Blaine had to ask, “Where is your mum now?”

“At home.” Kurt said coldly. The humming had stopped altogether.  
Blaine hesitated but couldn´t help but ask, “And where exactly is that?”

“I think the dinner should be finished. Can you get us some plates?”

Blaine bit his lip, understanding that finally they had reached that wall Kurt always wanted to hide. There was no prodding of his part, he simply did what he was told and tried to come up with a distracting topic.

“How about music? I have dozens of CDs you can choose from.” He finally said.

“You pick something, please.” Kurt replied while relentlessly looking into the pan.”I´ll add some finishing touches and then we can finally eat.”

Hesitantly Blaine put an arm around Kurt´s waist.”Okay.” He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt’s neck before leaving.

Ever the gentleman, Blaine pulled back a chair to help Kurt in and that broke the ice a bit. Frank Sinatra sang in the background while they ate, loosening the rest of the tension and making the conversation easier when their silence was filled. Midway through their dinner, Blaine reached over and covered Kurt´s hand with his, wanting to be closer. In return he felt a foot running up and down his calf.

“I know I said it before, but this is really good. Whoever gets to eat your food in the future is a lucky man.”

“Thank you. I have often been told that I was lucky to be blessed with some abilities of mine.” Kurt said, winking, but with a rather bitter smile. The red wine had tinted his lips purple.”And I really have a hint on who is going to be in my future.”

Blaine sighed in content as the foot ran up higher on his leg. He wanted to be Kurt´s future, however long it´d last.”Who would that be?”

“Oh, I don´t know.” Kurt teased back. “Probably Finn.”

“Ouch. Replaced for brotherly love.” Playfully, Blaine clutched his chest.”That would be lonely at some point I imagine.”

“Finn is my whole life. Sometimes I cannot even bear the thought he might grow up too soon.”

“Tell me more about him.” If there was a chance to understand Kurt better, Blaine gladly took it. Even though Kurt had seemed to struggle with admitting what he just had.  
“Oh Finn´s just Finn. Nothing much to say. How is your brother?”

“No.” Blaine said lightly.”I feel like I talk about myself way too much. I mean, even my work is all about my feelings, my opinion and the music I make. It is only fair that I am just as good as a listener as I am a talker. So please, I really do want to know more about him and about you.”

Kurt froze, then nodded. The spoon he spun around and around in his soup gave away his reluctance but as soon as he started talking, the smile on his lips and finally the glint in his eyes brightened his face.

 A real smile.  
“I was a child myself when I watched him grow bigger. He had always been this tiny little boy that clumsily took his first steps right into dog poop. I always thought he´d stay this tiny guy but right now he is on a growth spurt- And oh god he eats for five people.. Maybe he will even tower over me and call me little brother.” Kurt laughed.” Times- uhm- There were times when our lives were harder but he never lost his goofy smile that was at times pretty toothless when they started to fall out. He can take anything and turn it into a happy situation. You know, Finn doesn´t need sugar to be hyper and happy and it can get really stressful when I am trying to work, but I´d rather have him the way that he is than silencing him. Most of the time I can´t believe that I raised him to be the most kind hearted person I know. He cries at Barbie movies, but don´t tell him I said that-“  
Blaine took Kurt´s hand from the spoon and held it in both of his.”You raised him? What about your parents?”

It felt like everything stopped for one second with how frozen Kurt was apart from the glare directed at Blaine. It wasn´t truly gone, not even when Kurt began to fake a smile once again.

“It feels like I raised him at least. For the last two years it has just been us in New York.”  
“Wow, Kurt. I didn´t know that. You are just 23 and you already have to take care of someone. Doesn´t that get stressful?”  
“Sometimes.” Kurt squeezes his hand lightly.”But I get to have him close to me that way. He really wanted to be with me and not with his parents and I wanted to be with him.”

Blaine nodded and couldn´t help but lean over and kiss Kurt. Soft and slow while Sinatra accompanied his beating heart. Kurt said that his brother had the softest heart, probably not realizing that he had the same qualities. Moments like these were the reason Blaine felt like Kurt may be _it_. Lips pressed to his and voice that was raw with emotion, instead of the sweet but distanced persona of him, Blaine felt like finally stepping closer to Kurt. Close enough that he didn´t only see the portrait from afar.

“Kurt.” Blaine breathed against his lips. He didn´t know any more words right then.

“Yes, Blaine?”

Another kiss that Blaine couldn´t help but give.”Let´s finish up and continue this someplace else?”

“Yeah.”, replied Kurt breathily.

Fact was, they didn´t truly continue to eat. Kurt stood up only seconds later pulling Blaine along with a giddy laugh. A familiar flutter low in his stomach shook Blaine awake and made his skin tingle. This was as close to Kurt´s real laugh as he could get and tonight he had a chance to get closer. It would be a lie if he said that right now his body wasn´t throbbing with sexual tension and the urge to just press Kurt to the wall because the bed seemed to be miles away wasn´t overwhelming. He felt it in his bones, how right this was and how much he needed Kurt.

He needed Kurt to kiss him and touch him everywhere. He needed him to look into his eyes and smile because he felt the same way. He needed him to show him that it wasn´t just Blaine in this. That had happened one too many times. Maybe he knew that Kurt´s promises of how special he thought Blaine was were empty but that didn´t hinder his desire to change that.

“In here.” Blaine said with a laughter in his voice when Kurt almost dragged him past his bedroom.   
For now he wasn´t nervous as he gently picked up Kurt with both his arms around his upper thighs and lifted him until he let him fall onto the bed. There was no need to when Kurt almost seemed covered by more than his clothes while Blaine was completely bared.

They kissed noisily as Blaine leant over the lying body of Kurt, his hands wantonly running up and down Kurt´s slim sides. Kurt’s mouth was as warm and inviting as his skin was under his shirt and it made Blaine want to know what other parts he would emitl this heat. Made him wonder if they ever would match the fire in his body.

“You wear – too much.” Kurt said between kisses, as he impatiently tugged at Blaine´s shirt. It made Blaine open his eyes and for a second he got hit by realization.

He pulled away from Kurt enough to feel bummed when Kurt didn´t follow his lips as he knew he would have done.”The candles.” Blaine sat up.”I forgot to light the candles.”  
Kurt´s hand started trying to pull Blaine back down to him again.”Doesn´t matter to me. Come back here!”

“No, you deserve romance and me being a perfect gentleman.”

Blaine was aware that this was him panicking a bit because what if they were moving too fast? What if Kurt wasn´t ready? What if history repeated and sex would be the main factor in their relationship? If you could call it that, Blaine had a hunch Kurt wasn´t too fond of already using that term.

To distract himself he started to get up and take the lighter on the bedside table to light the candles closest to the bed. All twenty candles were burning when he had calmed down enough to not be insecure. This was what both of them wanted, he would just have to make sure it would be perfect.   
When he turned around his breath got caught inside his chest and he couldn´t let it back out. His gaze had landed on something that captured his attention and overpowered any other thought. Kurt was already completely undressed, sitting at the edge of the bed with his legs spread wide open like an invitation. And Blaine couldn´t avoid the gaze, not when he had dreamed about this.

Kurt´s skin was milky white, apart from his nipples and his cock that were rose colored and thus were the only contrast on Kurt´s clean shaven body. He was slim, slimmer than he had imagined and more than once Blaine´s eyes got stuck on the few faded scars he saw. Parts of his hair had fallen on his forehead, right above eyes that glinted in the flickering candle light. His skin looked as soft as it felt when Blaine had awoken from his stupor and had run his hand down Kurt´s arm. His body pressed closer, feeling warmth seep in as he leant down to be chest to chest.

“You are beautiful.” Blaine said, feeling the need to whisper into Kurt´s ear.

Kurt slung his arms around him in that moment.”Show me how beautiful you are.”

Then he proceeded in pulling Blaine´s shirt up and over his head. For a moment Blaine felt self conscious and chubby to Kurt´s slim body but he was looked at like he was something desired. The first time Kurt looked at him with lust and hunger mirrored by himself.

Gently, Blaine pressed Kurt down onto his mattress covering the body with his as he kissed and licked Kurt´s neck. He grinned self sufficiently as he finally received a reaction when he found a good spot. As he nibbled on it, Kurt´s hands unbuckled his belt and swiftly pulled down his pants that ended up pooling on Blaine´s feet.

“Blaine, come on, I need you. Now.”

His erection rubbed against the soft member between Kurt´s legs and left him frustrated. He disregarded the needy pushes on his head while he took his time exploring Kurt´s upper body, his nipples and his belly button while his hands kneaded Kurt´s buttocks. He knew Kurt was impatient, his whines and pleas for Blaine to ´get to it´ were as much of a hint as his hand leading Blaine´s to his hole was. And yet, Kurt was still soft, even though he quietly moaned as Blaine´s tongue flickered over his nipple.

“Here, Blaine, please.” Kurt gasped, leading a hand right back to the hole after Blaine had let it wander down Kurt´s leg.”I don´t need all this. Just – just-“  
“Let me make you feel good first.”

A sight turned into a moan when Blaine´s lips caressed his still soft cock that finally stirred to live. Blaine would have liked to feel more, to taste more because ultimately he wanted Kurt to feel good, but Kurt didn´t seem to want that. Again he heard him beg for more and his body was now at a degree that was threatening to burn him from inside out- This wasn´t going as planned but this was still what he wanted.

He coated his fingers with the lube he had put under his pillow beforehand and waited for it to warm up. His eyes met Kurt´s and that made him stop at his tracks and his hand hang awkwardly in the air. Kurt´s eyes were glassy from the pleasure Blaine had caused and yet they were cold. Like this only felt important to Blaine while Kurt seemed almost…bored.

Blaine sat up, his heart racing in fear. “You don´t want this.” He breathed out.

Kurt followed, showing a reaction for once and his face was flushed while his eyes locked with the sheets he sat on. Then he looked up again, determination apparent in the way he crawled over to where Blaine sat.

“What are you saying?” Kurt purred from behind him. Both hands   surrounded his torso and one found his semi-hard on.”I want this more than anything.”  
“No, you don´t.” Blaine said, swatting his hand away, only to moan when it returned and rubbed much harder this time.  
“Was it because of the foreplay? I just don´t need that.  I waited for this night for so long, I am fine without you being the only one providing the pleasure.”

Blaine moaned once more.”You are not even hard.”

That made Kurt stop and Blaine bite down on his lips when his cock was neglected once more. It was better that way though, because he still wasn´t sure if this is what both of them wanted right now.

“I- I can explain.” Said Kurt and made Blaine turn around to see the self-confident man shrink in himself. Soothingly he took Kurt´s hand in his. “I uhm I don’t always get hard. My body just sometimes refuses to.” He looked up at Blaine then.”But I do want this. I really do, it´s just that this is a bit embarrassing to me.”

“Have you been to a doctor?”

Kurt shook his head.”I don´t want to. It is not that bad because I still feel good when I have sex. And I really want to have sex right now.”

“Are you su-“ The rest of the sentence got swallowed by Kurt´s  lips and his tongue.

Just like the tide, the heat in his body returned with Kurt straddling his body and taking the lead. Among his emotions, doubt was the one he shoved back into the corners of his mind. He wanted this, Kurt said he wanted this and he just hoped he´d let them forget all that went wrong and right it with what would follow.

Despite what Kurt had said, Blaine couldn´t help but caress every part of Kurt´s body with his clean hand before he lead his other to prepare Kurt. Only this time Kurt was the one sucking on his neck and leaving his marks and driving him crazy with the rhythmic movements of his lower body against Blaine´s erection. Their motions matched, like they were cogs fitting perfectly to create something.

Kurt didn´t still above him when Blaine´s first finger entered. He only moved faster to receive pleasure on both parts of his body, but Blaine wouldn´t have it. He hugged Kurt close and holding him to set a pace much slower when he entered and reentered the body with one finger only. Kurt lightly struggled and gasped loudly whenever Blaine would surprisingly speed up just to return to a maddening rhythm.

“I can take more.” Kurt promised like it was something he prided himself with.

Blaine obliged, adding another finger to stretch him and this time he set a higher pace, knowing he had nudged the prostate when Kurt yelped and he finally felt his penis twitch against his own.   
“God, your voice, Kurt.”

“Don´t stop!”

Blaine shook his head overly long before bestowing kisses all over Kurt sitting on top of him. A long and high gasp was breathed into his mouth when the third finger was added and Blaine started pumping Kurt´s cock to try and get a reaction.

“I don´t intent to.”

Kurt was loose and pliant but Blaine still didn´t dare to look into his eyes. He could feel the pressure low in his gut, the need to feel more and finally be more _together_. He earned a low protest when his fingers were pulled out but he shushed Kurt with his tongue. The condom was swiftly found once he had blindly searched or it under the pillow and he noticed Kurt staring at it.

“Do you want to-?”  
Kurt didn´t reply, he just grabbed the condom and ripped it open. Blaine´s eyes fluttered shut in preparation of his cock being touched but they instantly reopened when what he felt was the moist cavern of a mouth and a hint of teeth scraping against the sensitive skin. Kurt´s looked up at him from between his legs as he rolled down the condom lower while taking more of Blaine´s penis into his mouth. Inch by inch disappeared between cherry red lips, creating a suction that made Blaine shiver and gasp as he lost his mind.  He almost came at the spot by the sight of Kurt´s effortless teasing.

“Shit, Kurt, don´t-“  
Kurt only smirked, rolling the last inch down with his hand before giving his cock a short lick with the tip of his tongue. “What shouldn´t I do?”

Another lick, right down his whole lengths rendered him speechless and had Kurt laughing hollowly. By then Blaine was too lost in pleasure to notice right away. Kurt climbed higher after that, recapturing Blaine´s mouth and letting him taste the rubbery cherry of the condom and the flavor that was Kurt. He breathed in sharply when Kurt took no time to warn him, he just sunk right onto Blaine´s cock like it was nothing. Like he didn´t need time to adjust.   
“So good, you are so good, Blaine. Perfect for me” Kurt mumbled seconds before he moved back up and let himself fall down. “You know just how to fuck me.”

In the back of his mind, Blaine was startled about how mechanical it sounded and how Kurt´s motions were hurried like he needed this to be done quickly. Kurt didn´t let him have time to ponder on that, he just repeated his motion while moaning loudly and rubbing Blaine´s nipples. He felt Kurt squeeze around his erection as he slid down once more and he barely kept in a scream of extreme ecstasy. His hands roamed over Kurt´s body, scratching and caressing and squeezing until he found the places that he received the best reactions for.  Kurt´s semi-erection was gone for good now, however hard Blaine tried. Kurt moaned loudly and his head was thrown back so Blaine couldn´t see. He could only hope that Kurt felt the same pleasure, the same connection Blaine felt.

Sure, his body was overly excited over the attention, and yet his heart felt like it burned as well. He knew this feeling, knew it was too soon for that. Too soon to focus on Kurt´s beautiful mouth opened as he gasped, or how his slim legs looked straddling his darker body. How he wished that his heart would never stop pounding like a drum set when Kurt was near him.

Blaine intertwined one of his hands with his while the other gently ran over Kurt´s soft penis that looked flushed against the pale skin it rested on. Time seemed to run into different paces. Blaine´s feelings were slow as he felt every second tick by while he ran his thumb up and down Kurt´s palm and felt his eyes taking in every little move, while his body pounded swiftly into Kurt´s ass as he sunk down.

´I really, really could love you.´ ran through his head, before it returned to its blank state of white hot pleasure. Minutes, a lifetime, seconds, later he came long and hard, riding it out. The second he was done, eyes closed in total bliss, he felt Kurt get up, harshly taking the condom with him. Blaine didn´t open his eyes. Not until seconds stretched into minutes he didn´t hold Kurt in his arms.   
He was surprised to find Kurt sitting not far from him and yet the distance was a chasm between them that reached far into Blaine´s heart.

“Is everything alright?” Blaine asked, concerned.

That got Kurt to look up in surprise. His lips formed a shaky smile.”What makes you think that?”

“Maybe the fact that you look like this was a mistake and that you sit as far away from me as you possibly could in a queen sized bed?”

Kurt let out a soft ´oh´ before finally coming closer. He was still awkwardly sitting next to Blaine who hadn´t moved an inch from where he laid because he felt boneless.

“Blaine, excuse me for acting strange, it´s just that- that I am overwhelmed. This was the greatest sex I have ever had.”

Blaine sighed and kissed the lie right off Kurt´s lips. There was no doubt that this had been a line and a well used one at that, but denial was sugar sweet and right now, Blaine wouldn´t let his bubble burst. He was content with taking Kurt in his arms, snuggling into the stiff body and closing his eyes with his head rested on Kurt´s chest.

“I really, really like you, Kurt.”

Kurt must have been asleep by then, because Blaine didn´t receive a reply.

X

Kurt couldn´t sleep.

There was no way with a weight so much unlike Finn´s resting on him like it was trying to drown him. But mostly it were his thoughts, running through his head so fast he barely caught up that made him stare at the ceiling for hours. His mind and body was exhausted by what had happened but energy was thrumming through him to give him the opportunity to run as fast and far as he could.

He just had sex.

Kurt had had sex that he hadn´t been paid for. Sex that hadn´t been what he was used to. It didn´t hurt, it didn´t involve the drugs he was now sometimes forced to take. It made him feel- feel-  something. Maybe not the way he was pounded into, because he was used to that. Just the way that it had never felt like he was used by Blaine, since actually it had been him using someone else this time.   
Mostly, what made him think it was different, were Blaine´s eyes that looked at him like he was something to desire and yet not like he was a piece of meat like Karofsky thought. To him, Kurt was not a whore and that was why, for the first time, he hadn´t felt like one either.

The gentle touch, the sweet nothings written into his skin and the whispers had freaked him out because that wasn´t sex to him. That was the fluffy little brother of sex, ripped right out of a romance novel shit. He had done it right at least, when he had taken the lead. A bit of the weird s´feeling twisting his gut with how wrong such a foreplay was stopped after that. The hand holding his or the attention given to his own penis, that wasn´t used to even be acknowledged were new experiences for him though. The way Blaine wanted to make sure he okay felt foreign and didn´t sit right with Kurt. The time Blaine finally looked into his eyes toward the end, looked at him like he was something to be treasure- yeah that felt **;**

A tiny part of him thought that maybe this had been what sex was supposed to be about. A much bigger part laughed at the naivety of believing such utter crap. In the end, Kurt wasn´t as special as Blaine had wanted him to feel. He was a whore, he had gotten Blaine off because he was good at what he did. He had delivered every line he fed his clients, he had stopped the stupid prelude and the taste of rubber reminded him of his place. Nothing they did altered his life, like he knew others may believed it would. In the end, his ass was stretched and his throat hurt and no cuddling would change those facts. This was his life, sex was his life. He would just have to get used to just another layer, only this time not taught by Hunter. This time it was someone that clung to him and pretended that there was something of Kurt that was likeable.  
In the dead of the night he could only sleep denying that he couldn´t get rid of a picture of Blaine´s eyes that was etched into his mind.

x

 When he woke up he was alone and he heaved a sigh. Things would have been more difficult if he had been forced to begin his day without alcohol and a cigarette and with lies and stupid romance instead. Kurt was lucky in that prospect and he spend blissful minutes closing his eyes once more and thinking about his plan today.

He had to be extra happy, extra sweet and cuddling to make up for the awkward ending of their night. He´d make a breakfast, he´d kiss and touch and maybe some sex would follow. He wondered how long people usually took to confess their love. Was it after or before the sex? Was a month enough? He should have kept up with reading novels, but his teenage self had been young and dumb to hope. Maybe he´d go to the library after picking up Finn from Puck´s and he´d borrow some romance shit to learn from. This was no longer just a trial. It was Blaine or no one and Finn´s birthday was in a week and after that he´d only have a few month before his time run out.   
His next step had to be charming Blaine’s dapper pants off with Finn. He´d have to love Finn as well if Kurt would soon drown his bank account. What better way than celebrating Finn´s birthday with presents sponsored by Blaine?

With his feelings fueled by determination he stood up and went out to find Blaine. Instead of the man he found breakfast on the counter and he sighed because that had been his idea. He moved past that, searching for Blaine until he opened the right door that lead into a room he hadn´t paid much attention to at his first walk through. It was a small, square room with white walls covered in paint that ran down as If it was still wet. There wasn´t a color missing and it was the only room not having dozens of framed art since it was art itself.

In the center of it, the artist stood with his bare back facing him. Kurt came closer, catching a glimpse of a freshly painted canvas that stood out between all the empty ones littered on the floor. Blaine´s hair was mused and his gaze focused when he dabbed his brush into the color to bring it onto the canvas. A minute after his hand had created the top of a tree, adding layer upon layer of green until it came alive.

“You are magic.” Kurt decided to say. He ran one hand over the bare skin on Blaine´s back, stopping at the trim of his underwear.

“Good morning.” Blaine kissed him on his cheek, but didn´t look at him otherwise.” Did I wake you? I made breakfast and it is the best I could possibly manage.”

Kurt thought hard about his next actions. In the end he took one broad brush and dipped it into the red color.   
“Please not the picture. It´s for my aunt´s birthday.”

Kurt nodded and dragged the brush down Blaine’s side until he had created a heart. At least the unrealistic shape lovesick people thought was a heart. ”I think I have found my own canvas.”

Blaine finally looked at him and Kurt noticed a hint of a scruff on his chin and cheeks and for the first time Blaine looked his age, yet was barely wiser than Kurt with his nineteen years. The smile he put on turned into a real one, the one he was conscious of, when Blaine kisses his lips and quickly stole the brush from Kurt´s hands. It tickled when Blaine used it on Kurt´s stomach and he giggled until he saw the words written onto his skin. Written onto his mind.

´Will you be my boyfriend?´

His heart drummed, his palms were sweaty and the first time he said it he thought that he´d never get rid of that twisting feeling that bloomed warm inside him. Blaine looked at him the way he had yesterday, only this time Kurt didn´t have sex as an excuse to explain why Blaine would feel the need to look at him like that. Like in the light of day Kurt was just as beautiful, without the cover of sexual desire.  

Kurt needed to run.

“I will.”

 


	6. Making it look like a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Previous warnings + Child Molestation

**Chapter 6**

 

This time there was fire in his veins. He felt it follow the hands that were touching him as they left a path so hot Kurt felt like he would light up any time. They were everywhere and for once they felt good, running up his thighs, touching his erect cock, in his hair, shoving his tongue and mouth over hot flesh and pulling him at his hair to then repeat the motion. Hands were spreading his cheeks and pinching his nipples and squeezing his neck and holding his legs wide open.

´Blaine´, Kurt wanted to moan but something was in his mouth and it never slid out long enough to make him utter the name.

His eyes were unseeing, closed because whenever he opened them the world was blurry and he became confused. It didn´t matter though, since only Blaine could make sex feel good, only Blaine cared enough. It was surprisingly easy to admit that to himself when he was loose and relaxed as another cock entered him for the fourth time in a row. He was never left not catered for because of Blaine, but his body still felt like an itch no one scratched.

“More, please mo- more, I need more-“ He begged once he could. “Please fuck me harder Bl-“

Blaine´s hand caressed his face, making his cheek burn with touch. His thighs, his ass, his cock and nipples burned as well.”Shh, Lucky. We will take good care of you. Just be a good little bitch and open your cockhole wider.”

Kurt didn´t understand. He just knew that he wanted to obey. Seconds after his mouth was filled and he gasped as he came.

He needed more.

“Hear that? You don´t fuck him hard enough, Tom.” Blaine said to himself. There was no one to dejumble his thoughts to help Kurt comprehend.  Kurt just wanted to beg louder because he needed- he needed-needed

“Shut up. Sluts like him just can´t get enou-gh. Watch how he likes my- my dick.”

“There´s very little to like then.”  
“Fuck y-you!” Blaine said. Kurt was confused, but words seemed foreign to his mind anyway. He just wanted to feel more. Why did he not feel good enough?

One of Blaine´s many hands held him against something and made it hard to swallow or breathe as his mouth was filled. Soon after it was painfully empty again.

“I am burning. I – please- more- just more. Fuck me, please.”

“I already am you fucking bitch.” The hand on his face was much hotter when it hit his cheek. “Can you believe him? Such a wanton whore, not even satisfied by three men. Tell me Lucky, what do you want and where to you want it?”  
Kurt gasped when Blaine´s cock stopped fucking him.”You make me feel so good, B-“  
“What. Do . You. Want?”

“It´s so hot. I need more.”

“More where?” Blaine asked, pulling at Kurt´s hair. It felt good just not enough. Never enough.”Where do you need the only thing that can satisfy you?”

Kurt let a hand slide down his body to push against his hole that throbbed and burned with need. It was already filled but it wasn´t enough. He tried to insert another finger alongside the intruder but someone grabbed his hand before he could.

Soon after his body was satisfied as he was filled and the burning itch stopped. If only for a moment. Blaine tried and tried but Kurt´s body was driven by the force of his body that constantly demanded more and he couldn´t help but yelp and whine when he was left alone. His body became cold, apart from the heat low on his body but he wasn´t fulfilled yet. He needed.

“No- no no. Stay I just need-“

Three men he hadn’t noticed until then exited the room without sparing him another look. Neither did he really look at the next man entering, too busy trying to satisfy himself. Those happenings repeated in fast forward, with Kurt having no mind to want to hold onto or remember.

Kurt only came to hours later, head spinning and his private parts feeling raw. The world spun a little when he decided to open his eyes and this time he caught himself before he blurted out Blaine´s name. This was not Blaine.

He wasn´t sure why he ever thought it had been.

“Hey, look who´s awake. Are you up for another round, Lucky?”

Kurt only shook his head. At least he thought he did. Everything hurt and his thoughts were lost in a maze that wouldn´t let him emerge. He only felt hands carding through his hair and he grunted in reply because even that was painful.

“You are right, we can spend the night just enjoying ourselves like that. You rarely let me cuddle with you.” The man pulled him closer, ignoring his whine when a hand started to message his limp cock. Kurt started to yell because even the simplest touch felt like pinpricks deep inside his skin, but a hand held his mouth closed.”What? You suddenly don´t like it anymore? Minutes ago you fucking begged me to do it. You said you loved me, did you just forget that? You love me. And people in love let their partner have sex with them whenever he wants to. That is the essential of any relationship. You are the woman part of this and when I want sex you want sex as well! Now be good to me!”

Kurt didn´t get hard, he just bit into the putty hands of the man until finally, the pain helped him focus enough to understand. It was Karofsky doing this to him.

“You wild today, Lucky? Is It because you know how much it turns me on when you fight me? Do you want to see me fight you in return?”

Karofsky raised one hand to bring it to Kurt´s cheek. His thoughts were even fuzzier when they returned but Kurt barely felt the warmth of his skin bruising. The overall pain in his body numbed him to it.

“What will it be?” Karofsky asked, breath moist and lazed with alcohol.”Gentle or rough, Lucky? You know I love you so don´t be afraid. It won´t hurt that much.”

Utterly defeated, he succumbed to the numbness of his mind until it shut up and he could close his eyes in agony.Darkness dragged him under while the world proceeded with its cruelty and he fell asleep.

X

_Finn was standing in front of their apartment door when he arrived. He still wore the backpack Kurt had stuffed with his things when he had sent him to Puck but he didn´t wear the same heartbroken expression as last time. Now his face was set in angry line and he avoided his brother´s gaze._

_“I am sorry, Finn.” He said at arrival.”I needed to take care of work. Was it that bad at Puck´s?”_

_Once the apartment was unlocked, Finn entered without another word. He left Kurt clutching his torso as if his hand could reach in to soothe his heart._

-         

_His heart that was beating fast as he was sitting opposite of Blaine in a restaurant and noticed his slip a little too late._

_“What work?” Blaine asked after sipping on his wine.”I don´t see why you would need to work part time when you are also studying law? Financially you don´t have any problems, or do you?”_

_Kurt covered his full moth as he spoke, “No, I didn´t mean-“  
“You can tell me. This relationship can only work if we´re honest with each other. And I won´t look down on you for working part-time as well to be a little more independent .It is what my parents made me do as well for a month or so.”_

_The word relationship weighted more than all the food and alcohol in his stomach. Kurt cleared his throat, working around the lump in it that is caused by all the hate and even partly the shame._

_“I mean work as in work on the essays I have to submit next week.” Kurt lied blatantly. ”Finn keeps me occupied too much for me to not rely on family money unfortunately.”_

_Then he avoided Blaine´s gaze that demanded the truth Kurt was hiding. They continued to eat in a noble restaurant, with Blaine insisting to pay. The hand that had held his on the table tops for hours almost felt as scolding as the fear of messing this up was._

_He kissed Blaine outside the restaurant until Blaine´s breath got caught in his throat and proceeded to do so until they reached Blaine´s apartment. There he stopped kissing and started fucking._

_Exhausted afterwards he fell back into the bed._

_-_

_He felt the rug bite into his cheek and the dust gather on his tongue as he drew in the breaths never entering his lungs, his mind slowly catching up, informing him that he was having a panic attack.  
His body was tired to the bones and it became a struggle to even cry. The drugs kept him awake, most nights he stayed up studying if he could or he stayed at Blaine´s or spend them trying to mend what he had broken with Finn. His attempts had been met with silence but slowly he had realized Finn had finally let his resolve crumble because they at least started talking, even if it was forced on his brother´s part. But now Finn was missing._

_Kurt had returned to an empty apartment where Finn should have been. Where was his baby brother? Again it became a struggle to breathe but Kurt slowly pushed himself up from the ground and tried to remain calm. He went looking into Finn´s room, into his own, in the bathroom. Then he went over to Sebastian and Santana who shook their heads and excused themselves to go to work. Nick and Jeff weren´t home.  
He almost went over to Hunter, even knowing that his boss would use the opportunity to torture Kurt, when he heard his brother´s voice coming from a room. He went up to it, not recognizing the room until his mind provided him with the only possibilities that weren´t positive regardless of the outcome._

_The Bitch, Rachel, opened the door after he had knocked. Dressed in too appropriate clothes for her job, her smiling face turned into a scowl when she saw him standing there._

_“Missing someone finally?”, She asked, leaning against the doorframe as if wanting to obstruct his vision. However, Kurt was sure he had caught a glimpse of someone in the back of the room._

_“Have you seen Finn? I can´t- can´t-“_  
Kurt ignored the eye roll of her and tried to get into her apartment. From afar he could see the pink walls, hear her girly music and feel the dread of stepping into the room, in case he would stumble over collages of Hunter and her or the temple she had supposedly build his boss.  
“Who else should you be missing. It´s not like you have any friends or family apart from him.”

_“Have you or have you not?” He simply stated, suddenly completely calm._

_She avoided his yes and as she turned around he saw that her apartment was empty. Pink was replaced by black and just like that her voice changed to, became quiet and broken. No one else was in there with her. “You know I hate you but how can I hate Finn? He actually is the only one still listening to me singing. One time he said that I am his ideal of a woman. Me. There is not much you can hate about the only guy not wanting to fuck with me and instead is my duet partner. I tried to protect him you know? When they came for him I hid him under my bed but-“  
“Where is he?” Kurt asked, rooted to the ground. He already knew the answer deep down, feeling the rigged edges of it. ”What have you done to my baby brother?”_

_“Don´t do this with me every day. I can´t live through this every single day.”_  
“Through what? Where is Finn?”  
“You know he has been dead for a month and yet you come here every day and I try to be strong but-“

_This could not be the truth. But if it wasn´t the truth, then why did it feel so familiar once brought up? It couldn´t – it shouldn’t. His running thoughts came to a halt when he heard moaning and he looked up to-_

X

Kurt slowly woke up from his dream, to notice his neighbors fucking in their apartment. His hands were curled around his body and he fell back into a fitful sleep. Subconsciously his body had slid away from Karofsky´s and his dreams returned to reality interwoven with his worst nightmares.

X

_Kurt woke with a start and his first instincts were to unsuccessfully grab the bat hidden under his mattress. There was someone in the room with him and he had to act fast or he´d be in danger. What if Finn was in danger?_

_“I have a gun!” He screamed loudly at his attacker, hoping the shadow of his hands would at least startle the burglar. Instead he saw a body moving on his bed, making it dip and stealing his blanket in the process._

_“I- I have come to protect you. Just in case.” Finn said softly and Kurt instantly relaxed._

_Instinctively his hands lowered to draw his brother closer to his body. The paper crown on Finn´s head crinkled as it was crushed and the plastic sword dug into Kurt´s hip but they didn´t comment on it. Neither did Kurt ever reveal that he knew that Finn was a bit old to still be afraid of the dark or Finn that he felt his brother´s hands shaking in his back and the wetness on his cheeks._

_“Do you-“ Kurt´s whispery voice broke off for such a logn time he woke Finn when he had almost fallen asleep.”Do you really hate me?”_

_“No. I am sorry I said that but, Kurt, I am old enough. Old enough for you not to constantly lie to me about everything and think I will be alright with that.”  
You are still afraid of the dark, you still play with toys I bought you when you were 8, and you will never be old enough for truth, Kurt wanted to say. Only right now he finally felt like there was hope for them and that he had not destroyed their family beyond repair. He squeezed his brother tightly to his chest, kissed his forehead and giggled when Finn acted disgusted because of that smooch. It was distracting enough not to reply to those accusations and blissfully spent the rest of the night in ignorance._

_-_

_“Good morning, my prince.” Someone sing-songed right into his ear. Kurt cursed since the morning couldn´t possibly be good without a sip of cheap booze and a cigarette._

_“Come on, they even brought your favorite caviar.”_

_Kurt immediately sat up. Not because of the prospect of caviar, which he really had not known anything about until he had googled it when Blaine had been in the shower, but because it was Blaine sitting beside him. The man who thought Kurt was an early riser, such as him. The man Kurt had to act constantly happy for and elegant and snobby. And the one who was slowly doing something to his emotions he couldn´t pinpoint but at least  knew that he hated feeling that way._

_“Sterlet or Beluga?” Kurt asked excitedly._

_“Look and see.” Blaine answered, drawing Kurt to his already clad chest and kissing his neck.”For you only the best.”_

_His hand started drawing lines on Kurt´s torso and Kurt closed his eyes in bliss. When he reopened them he was lying on the couch in Blaine´s living room that did look slightly off. He ignored it._

_“Like this?” Kurt asked, stretching one leg impossibly far up.”Or should I be more discreet and let your fantasy run wild?”_

_Blaine appeared from behind the canvas half hiding him, grinning like a fool at Kurt´s naked form. His hair was ungelled and his clothes for once did not look like designer´s. With a smudge of paint on his cheek he looked very much like a college student as opposed to the put together rich guy he really was. It made Kurt´s heart run a bit faster._

_“I thought you of all people would want to be drawn like Rose in the Titanic scene but I am still not surprised you-“ Blaine gulped and grinned.”go for the cheerleader version of things.”_

_Kurt didn´t understand the reference, since watching movies had never been his top priority between abusive parents and prostitution. “Don´t you like it?”_

_”You of all people should know how much I like being the one spreading you.”For a second Kurt was startled, until his doubt turned into dread as Blaine continued.”And I know how much you like being spread by cock. The way you always beg to be filled is so slutty. You are such a fucking slut and every man in New York knows that because you use your hole to make money. Isn´t that right, Lucky?”  
“Blaine?” Kurt choked.”How-?”_

_Suddenly Blaine was on top of him. His hands were unyielding as they pinned Kurt down until he finally stopped fighting. Blaine´s body sitting on his felt as heavy as Kurt´s heart sinking in his chest._  
“The biggest slut in all of New York thinks he can fool me? Had I known you would spread your legs for me if I waved with a little money, I would have fucked you on our first day. But I should have known. You always acted like a whore, which explains so much now that I know of your little slut secret. There is nothing else you are good for either way so why not use the opportunity.” Blaine roughly shoved dry finger´s into Kurt, making him yell out.”How much for you, little slut? Or do I have the love bonus?”  
“Please, Blaine, that is not you.”  
Blaine laughed, making Kurt´s stomach flip because it sounded utterly wrong.”Is 2000 Dollars enough?” Another finger was pushed into him. “What does that buy me, Lucky? The whole set or just a blow-job? I am not familiar with whore currency but I suppose you are.”

_Kurt fought against the hands restricting him._

_-_

_They bit into his skin, raw as only Hunter´s ropes were, as his boss fucked him. Kurt was so scared his throat hurt with how he constantly suppressed tears and screams as Hunter continued his slow pace._

_“This is not what most people would pay for.” Hunter said, his huge hands spreading Kurt´s cheeks wider as Hunter´s cock penetrated him again.”They like to be praised for their ability to give you the one thing in your live you will crave. Cock filling you. Tell them how they make you feel.”  
“Stop!” Kurt yelled out, trashing until Hunter covered his mouth._

_“Nonono. That is not what a good boy would do, but I will be lenient since you still have so much to learn.” Kurt attempted to shake his head no when the pain in his body put him in a stupor.”Not long then other men will reap what I have sown. Until then you will have learned how to please a man and you will hopefully come to see that your place is that of a sex servant. And the best servants are those who love their job. That is what you will be Kurt and as long as you play along, I will give you and your annoying brother a place to stay.”  
At the mention of _ him _, Kurt stopped struggling and looked up to Hunter with his sight blurred by tears. His legs, the only parts not bound with rope, opened a bit wider and he received a satisfied caress on his cheek._

_“Perfect. You are doing really well whenever you remember who you do this for.” Hunter cooed into his ear.”Now I want you to try to squeeze around my cock and tell me how good you feel.”_

_“But I hu-hurt so much.” Kurt said under his breath before he  out when Hunter roughly thrust back in._

_“Sex has to hurt most of the time.”His boss explained.  
“Then why do pe- people want i-it?”_

_Hunter laughed and for once his voice sounded soft like most grown ups had sounded when talking to children. Only the words Kurt knew most grown-ups did not say. ”No, Stupid. Sex will only feel like that to you. The ones fucking you will feel pleasure if you do it right and then they will come back for more. That is what you are for until you embrace your true cravings and start needing sex to fulfill you. So we’ll work on that until you can show your abilities to other men. How does that sound?”_

_Kurt was too afraid to open his mouth, afraid he´d have to scream. Luckily, Hunter kept on talking. “And now I want you to squeeze and to tell me how great I am at fucking you senseless.Come on, do it! Beg me to fill you up more!”_

_Kurt did not know how, but Hunter was happy with him once he had spread wetness inside of his body. Happy enough to send Kurt back to Finn and it was the first time Kurt had to hide everything from Finn. Halfway through to their new room he broke down crying._

_-_

_Kurt´s cheeks were wet with tears he didn´t bother to wipe away. He sat on the couch in their apartment, his fingertips biting into his knees as he struggled to comprehend. Finn was sitting next to him, his usually joy filled eyes dull and lifeless and his face not showing any emotion._

_“I don´t understand.” Kurt said and he knew it wasn´t the first time he had mumbled that._

_Finn´s voice was robotic as he replied, “I told you that I know your secret. I know you are not just a secretary. I know you have sex in exchange for money.”_

_“I don´t understand.”_

_“I know you are a prostitute.”_

_“I don´t understand.”_

_“Fuck, Kurt, you are a slut!I know that you are a fucking whore!”_

_Kurt felt the world crash inside him as his head caught up with Finn´s words. Thousand shards imbedded into his insides, piercing his lungs that again forgot to work. Desperately he clutched his chest._

_“How?” He said, between trying and trying to breathe.”How, Finn?”_

_The earth stood still as Kurt´s ears rung with the answer. He needed to say that he didn´t understand. That this made no sense to him. It couldn´t be true._

_This could not be true._

_He had failed to protect his baby brother. All those years of hiding him, the month of falling in love for his baby brother, in order to provide him with a better life than that Kurt had to call living._

_“Did you hear me?” Finn screamed. “I said, because I am the same as you. I am a slut now as well.”_

X

Kurt woke up again and immediately darted up from the bed. Nausea rose the moment his wobbly legs hit the wooden floor he collapsed on two steps further. Bile rose up his throat as the dreams bled into his consciousness and he threw up. There was no food to come back up, because he couldn´t remember when the last time was that he had eaten. With the drugs in his system he just hadn´t felt anything apart from blinding lust and need and for once he was grateful since he didn´t make a mess now.  Tears blurred his vision that was already spotted with black stars bursting into existence.

Another wave of sickness came up when he started remembering his dreams. Parts of them were memories, mostly ones from a week ago and only the one with Hunter being his reoccurring nightmare of the time he lost his virginity. The rest of them were realities twisted into nightmares, feeling all too close to his actual life that it took some time to determine them as such. Especially Blaine raping him and Finn becoming the same disgusting thing Kurt was, was what made him dry heave onto the floor. Feverishly he tried to get up but failed, the world spinning too fast.

A cool hand settled onto his back then, gentle and broad. The gentleness resembled Blaine´s but that only made his body try to throw up once more.  
“You- you alright, Lucky?” It was Karofsky, Kurt´s mind supplied and he flinched away from the touch. Karofsky just placed his hand down again. “Should I call your doctor? Do they have those things here?”

“Just leave me alone.”

Kurt´s throat was raw when he spoke and made his sharp words come out as pleadings. To avoid being touched he scrambled away as much as he could, his back hitting the walls meeting at the corner of the room. His knees were hugged in front of his body and wet eyes tried to focus on the danger in the room.

“Stay there.” Karofsky demanded.”I will find someone or something to help, Lucky.”

Even if he had wanted, Kurt´s every muscle ached and there was no power left in him to move even an inch. Time ticked by, second stretching into second until finally, people reentered the room. One immediately was recognized as Hunter, because even in his worst state, there was no one else bringing so much fright to Kurt than his boss. The other´s were colorful blurs against his bare room.

“Lucky is in that corner. He hasn´t moved since I left him here, Mr. Clarington.” Karofsky´s voice said and Kurt closed his eyes.

Hunter clicked his tongue.”Look at you, Lucky. Just like in the good old times huh? Only this time your actons will have consequences.”He broke off to speak to the other people.”Pick him up, guys. I want you to bring him to his apartment and then leave. No further touching or talking to him, have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.” Hunter answered. The world tilted when he Kurt was lifted from the ground, wrists and ankles grabbed by hands that carried him away. In the distance he could hear his boss apologizing to Karofsky and it brought on the first positive emotion flaring up in Kurt for the day. It was soon squished by another wave of nausea rolling in his stomach as he was brought up stairs and finally put on the couch in his apartment. He knew it was because it smelled of Finn´s stinky football uniform.

Kurt cracked open his eyes, noticing he was all alone and reclosing them in content. The lackeys that had put him here had not been any of his acquaintances or they would have at least made sure he was alright. He was grateful for that because he wouldn´t want to be seen by anyone like this. The dread of that happening still did in no way match the terror when he looked up as he heard the door reopen.

Hunter did not grin at him and that was even worse of a sign. It made Kurt try and fail to sit up and show that he could still go on. The next client would be satisfied accordingly by him if Hunter would let him show. Maybe a blowjob would suffice for proving his abilities, but for now Kurt had to manage moving his aching limbs.

“Kurt.” Hunter said and his actual name sounded sharp though the silence.”You have disappointed me.”

“No.” Kurt tried saying loudly.”I can still perform. Let me show you, please Sir.”

Hunter laughed hollowly.”Are you kidding me? When was the last time you looked into a mirror, Kurt? No one wants to fuck a skeleton with a limp cock apart from that sick Karofsky. You haven´t had other clients for two days or were you too high to notice?”

“I will be better. With the drug I can fuck thousands of clients.”

“Stop.” Hunter demanded and Kurt did.”You don´t seem to understand your situation here. You are a whore and whores need to be able to attract men to receive money for sex. And right now you look like I picked you up from the street and could sell your body for a dollar at most. A dollar I wouldn´t pay for your sick ass. You disappoint me, Kurt.”

“I am your Lucky One.”

He had never referred to himself as such but somehow, being told that the only thing he could do, he was now useless at made him feel worthless. He never wanted this life and now it was the only thing he had. He no longer was Kurt. Kurt sounded so very wrong to be called.

He needed to be Lucky.

“You, Kurt?” Hunter said with a scoff.”You are no longer my Lucky One. There is no fight left in you, just an addicted mind.”

“But- but you wanted me to take the drugs. I did it for you. I did everything for you. I can still be Lucky for you.”

“That is irrelevant. You turn out to be a failed experiment and you no longer are of value to me.” Hunter stood up then.”Also, I have found another boy, younger than you were when you came here and so much more intriguing. But he does not have a weakness like you do, Kurt. He does not have the history we do but has to be trained so much it can become tedious. So maybe, if you work really hard and keep bringing me the money of your special client, with a bit more interest for me of course, I will reconsider making you my Lucky One again. If not, I am afraid Finn will have to start to work in a month and you wouldn´t want that, Kurt, would you?  All you have to do is be better than before and impress me. How does that sound?”

This time Kurt could answer.”I will be better, Sir. Your good little slut. Your perfect Lucky One, I promise.”

“I look forward to it. Until then you better come clean and start looking accordingly to clients again.”

He said before exiting the apartment, leaving Kurt to his thoughts. Thoughts of his life, of Finn and surprisingly of Blaine. Of how he hadn´t seen him in a while and about how he sort of missed him. His mind was racing with fever and the one thing it came clear with was how he had started to like Blaine and how he needed him to save Finn.

X

**B.A. 8 am: Hey, early riser, where have you gone so soon? I ordered us breakfast only to find my bed achingly empty. Now I will have to drown my sorrow in both of the plates. I hope everything is alright? xxx**

**  
B.A. 1 pm: Kurt are you alright?**

**B.A. 2 pm: I worry, just text me you are okay and I will stop fretting and biting my nails. I know how much you hate when I do that.**

**B.A. 2 pm: KURT!**

**B.A 2 pm: I would come over to your place but how come I still don´t know where you live? How should I send you flowers or check up on you when you are so secretive?**

**B.A. 3 pm: Please answer.**

**B.A 10 pm: Kurrrrrrrrrrrrrt. I went looking for everywhere. You are not in our bar, not in our restaurant and not in any designer shop. Where are you? Home? Where is your home?**

**B.A. 2 am: If this is just for a surprise, it is not funny.**

**B.A. 9 am: Oh my goodness. You are breaking up with me right? This ignoring is you breaking up with me?????**

**B.A 11 am: I don´t want you to break up with me!**

**B.A. 5 pm: I know this is getting annoying ut please just call me.**

**B.A 5 pm: Even if it is to tell me you are okay. At least that.**

**B.A 11 pm: PLEASE!**

**Kurt 11 pm: I am so sorry for just answering now. It is unforgivable how worried I made you. Or rather how worried you were because Finn has lost my recharger and I had to buy a new one. Don´t! WORRY! I wanted to tell you I just went home to spent some time with my brother for the weekened but this has seriously spun a bit out of control. Again, I AM SORRY! I miss you! I´ll call in the morning. PS: Please don´t bite your nails! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**B.A 11 pm: Thang god. I thought something bad happened or that you didn´t like me anymore. I am still a bit mad but so much more relieved. I miss you too. So much. And yes I bit my nails and now you have to redo your manicure. Too bad but that is what you get for making me worry. xxx**

 

 

 

 


	7. You had it figured out since you were in school

Chapter 7

 

This time Kurt wasn´t powerful enough to draw up a façade. The single thing he could do was sit up to avoid looking even weaker when Finn came in that afternoon. Too late he managed to smile and it faltered when he saw Finn´s confusion replaced by anger because of his lying. For hours he had simmered in self-pity and mindless plans on how to be right again and that alone had exhausted him further. To the point where he felt like crying and complaining about everything to his brother, who now had thrown his backpack on the floor and sat down next to Kurt.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked attentively.”You are really pale.”

Kurt wet his lip before sinking back into the sofa with a sigh.”I don´t know, maybe I have come down with the flu. Don´t worry though, I will make soup for dinner and let it do its magic and I will be as good as new by tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, he would be able to pretend to be again at least. He would swear of the drugs, that he knew he wasn´t addicted to, not really. They numbed him when he needed it the most, made him feel desire and content when having sex with sweaty men pawing at him and fucking him. His body however did not crave the pills like his mind did and for now he wasn´t sure if either was a good sign. It would hit harder later he assumed.

Finn stood up, hands clenched and face set in stony features that spoke of his determination.”Don´t worry, bro. I will take care of you!”

“Finn, don´t be ridiculous, it´s just the flu. Go and do your homework and I will prepare dinner in the meantime.”He made a move to stand up. ”Which one would you prefer, peas or carrots because it will be either and you only get to choose the lesser evil.”

“You don´t understand.” Finn yelled at him, kicking the ottoman opposite of the couch.”You never understand!”  
Kurt sank back into the couch.“Understand what, Finn? You need to eat vegetables as well, get over it.”

“There, that is just it! You don´t understand.” Kurt covered his ears that were irritated by his brother´s loud voice.”It´s not about the damn vegetables and it´s not about the stupid dinner anyways.” He lowered his voice once he saw Kurt´s distress and slowly sat himself onto the ottoman as if deflating alongside his anger. “It´s about how I am old enough to help you out but you can´t see that.When will you understand that I am no longer a kid.”

Kurt scoffed but tears prickled in his eyes.”You still play with action figures and watch cartoons in the mornings and crawl into my bed when you can´t sleep. You are a kid and that is fine. I can provide for the both of us.”

“I stopped playing with them over two years ago.” Finn said and Kurt jus knew he was lying.”And so what I watch cartoons, I bet many adults do.”

“What about the tiger pet you take with you everywhere you go?”

“I haven´t done that for such a long time.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at that, flinching at the headache that flared up because of it.”You just took it with you when you slept at Puck´s last week. And that is okay. Enjoy being a kid while you can, Finn. Soon enough you will be forced out of it and there is no way back.”

For a moment he thought he had finally gotten through to his baby brother. Finn´s lips were pressed tightly together and the silence was a blessing for Kurt´s head. Then, as if it burst out of him, Finn stood up once more and announced.”Because you put it into my bag. You still buy me stupid toys for toddlers and I pretend like I am happy about that when I am so not.”  
“What?” Kurt breathed, sitting up.  
“You honestly think that a twelve year old still wants to wear dinosaur pyjamas? I don´t, but I wear them it because it makes you happy. I pretend to still like Powerrangers because I know you expect me to but I am like, really getting tired of all that. I even make up stories about the characters since you wouldn´t know better anyways.” He looked at Kurt pleadingly, willing him to understand.”I am old enough.”

Kurt couldn´t hold in a sniff then. Hunter´s words today had left him feeling worthless but they had not broken his heart like Finn´s words did. Finn was the only thing really mattering to him and no stupid title of being a Lucky One meant anything if it did not help the only person Kurt loved.

“Yes, you are a kid.” He tried in a feeble attempt. Lower, voice broken,”You should be a kid.”

Finn groaned overly loudly and covered his face with both hands. Between fawned out fingers he finally looked at Kurt after what felt like an eternity. “How do you define a kid?” He finally asked.”Because I know your answer will not be that a kid has to spend most of the time alone in the apartment, because the only family he has left is constantly working o something he keeps a secret. That it has to clean the place besides doing the homework. That every kid remembers being hated so much by their parents that it is beaten up and has to watch its brother try to protect him and be beaten up as well.”  
“Finn, you remember?” Kurt said with a sob. His brother nodded with a sad expression but presses on.  
“That a kid has spent the last two days dragging his big brother into the shower because he can´t walk or move by himself. Which of those things spell childhood to you?”

Breaking down now would be the worst possible time but Kurt´s emotions were all over the place and alongside the shock of Finn´s revelation he felt the humiliation of it. The last two days were a blur but Finn having to wash him was not among the things he remembers. That he had to do that among all the things Finn named, finally opened Kurt´s eyes. The kid he has hold onto so tightly is gone, had been an illusion for such a long time and even though he knew Finn was far from grown up, he is also no longer a child. Nothing had ever caused Kurt so much pain as knowing this. Growing up meant pain, sex and dread to Kurt but there Finn was, faintly smiling as he sat down next to Kurt and took his brother in his arms.

He felt much bigger than Kurt remembered him being and his voice was very squeaky and wrong and Kurt wondered if his mind had made up more than he could imagine it ever would. It made being hugged by him feel like he was the little brother for a change and that caused him to sob even harder. Finn held him tight, not saying anything and for once Kurt found reassurance in the familiarity of it. In the long limbed, thin arms of his brother he finally calmed down after some time, holding on to the hope that history would not repeat itself.

“I am sorry I said all of that.” Finn broke the silence.

“It´s true though.” Kurt replied and disentangled himself to look him into the eyes.”I didn´t want you to grow up and I apologize for pressuring you to do all that. From now on you can tell me what you really like and I will treat you like the teenager you are, is that a deal?”

“Deal!” Finn said and squeezed him tightly.”There is this Nerf gun I really want and it´s my birthday in three days and if I got that I could shoot Puck whenever he tries to wrestle with me! That´s be super awesome.”

Kurt felt his lips lift up in a smile and he nodded. He knew better than to interrupt Finn when he spoke about things that excited him and Kurt gladly listened to it. By the end of his rambling he did not want to but their earlier conversation still clung to his every bone and he feared that if he didn´t let it out now, he never would.

“Thank you, Finn. For always helping me with keeping the apartment clean and for being understanding that I have to work overtime most nights.” He took a deep breath, quietly shuffling away from Finn in shame.”And thank you for taking care of me the last two days. I was kind of out of it and I don´t recall what happened so just- Thanks.”

It was Finn´s turn to slide further away and he looked uncomfortable. Kurt didn´t know him as someone so affected by compliments but his confusion was lifted when Finn spoke up.  
“Actually I wanted to ask you something about that.”Finn avoided his gaze and kneaded his hands.”When- uhm- when you were in the shower and I cleaned you, there was this uhm, thing with your thing-“  
“What?”

“You know the thing?”  
Kurt narrowed his eyes, trying to make sense of what was said.”Finn, just get it out. What thing?”  
“Your thingy? P-Penis.”

The world stopped for an eternity and rushed back to its normal setting far too quickly, making it hard to catch up. Kurt´s head swam and every thought eluded him when he tried to catch a hold of it. Penis. Finn wanted to talk about his penis. There was only one explanation and Kurt had never hated the effects of the drugs as much as he did in that moment. In a moment the flight instinct took over he stood up, before he quickly sat down again.  
Finn would either want to have the talk or he would ask very embarrassing things and Kurt wasn´t sure he preferred one over the other. How do you explain to your brother that you get an erection when something arouses you and still assure him that in no way his erection had been related to his brother?  
Kurt was sure no book would help him with that. Only bolting from the scene would do but there´s no way he´d go through with that.  
“Okay? Okay.” Kurt took a deep breath, burying his hands in his hair.”Okay!”

Finn fidgeted beside him, clearly just as uncomfortable.”I was, you know, wondering if it was like normal for it be all…not soft?”Like an afterthought he swiftly added.”Because mine does that in the mornings and then it kind of can hurt but also…not hurt. And all my friends boast about it but they all don´t know as well and I think they make up stuff- yeah.”

“Don´t they teach you that in school?”  
“They haven´t yet.” Finn said.”So do you know?”

Kurt knew of course, even though with his condition, he couldn´t really say much about being aroused. As a teenager he had had sex every day so at least his body was never sexually frustrated and he never had felt the need to learn more about his body when all he needed to know was to lie there and take it wherever people demanded.

To his best of abilities, he tried to explain things to Finn though. That it was normal to grow hair or get zits. It was normal to get an erection in the morning and to masturbate. He was glad that Finn was as eager as he was to get it over with and he told him about protection and STD´s glossing over the pats of the female body he knew nothing about and focusing on the part he knew how to do.

Protecting his baby brother.

For the reminder of the evening he reluctantly let Finn cook in the kitchen, guiding him through the recipe and afterwards they didn´t say much, both very embarrassed about today´s topics. By the end of the day Kurt lay awake reading all about heterosexual sex and about growing up for boys so that he could inform his brother if the need should arouse.

He was determined for that conversation to happen and hoped it could wait for a few more years. In no way he would let Hunter lay his hands on Finn. Maybe his baby brother could get the chance of what the internet described as the closest bond and the most pleasurable feeling in the world. For Kurt sex felt sickening and wrong.

X

Kurt woke with a start as he registered the ringing of his phone. A loud sigh escaped his lips but he noticed feeling much better than yesterday. His appetite had returned finally and though his body ached in places he was used to, he felt more like himself. He just needed to gain weight again, because while he surely did not look like a skeleton yet, his ribs did protrude a bit and his skin needed to be taken care of´.

And Kurt needed a drink and a cigarette.

The phone call ended unanswered after a while and he closed his eyes in protest of the sun. In the light of say he remembered parts of the last days and right as his ringtone sounded again, he recalled the thoughts about Blaine his brain had allowed itself. About how gentle his touches always were, as if Kurt was precious and in need of being taken care of. The way Blaine´s eyes were filled with an emotion Kurt denied himself feeling but couldn´t help but be hypnotized by. The feeling of Blaine´s lips that seldom spoke of lust and always found his like they were meant to. For no reason but to be close and taste and feel.

But most of all, Kurt had thought about his own feelings that were much more confusing now than they had been yesterday. Why was he eager to hear from Blaine, or see his smile or wish for the lies he told him to be true? They were still lies, whispered against Blaine´s skin and more often than not he hated what Blaine was. Just maybe not who he was. Not just money and fame but friendliness and devotion.

Surely liking Blaine was a lie.

Surely liking Blaine was a lie no more.

Whatever it was, Kurt had no mind to further think about that matter. There were more pressing things to be done to Blaine that he needed to do, because his plan had a new schedule. A month at best, then he had to have Blaine completely wrapped around his finger. The first step would start tonight if he played everything right.

He called Blaine back first, rolling his eyes at the repeated announcement of all the horror scenarios Blaine had made up when Kurt had not replied to him. That was why he could never truly like someone. He had enough to worry about as it was.

“Well, as you see, I am neither dead nor have I had the intention of breaking up with you. Nor am I a spy for the art competition, even though that is a legit worry, having seen your art.” That one was only partly a lie. Blaine was a good artist, not that Kurt would have told him for any other reason than sucking up to him.”And I really plan to make it up to you tonight.”

Blaine laughed lightly into the phone. “You better bring your nail kit, I wasn´t kidding about biting them off and I don´t want to go to the saloon when I know your just as good or better.”

“I wasn´t exactly planning on that being my mean of apology but that can still be included afterwards.”

“So? What is it that your brilliant mind has come up with?”  
“Are you alone?” Kurt asked, glancing over to the door to make sure it was locked as well. His tone got quieter when he received a breathy ´yes´.”Good. Because I wouldn´t want anyone else to know all the things you will tell me now.”

“What things, Kurt?”

“Things you want me to do.” His voice dropped a bit, got huskier.”Any desire you have kept secret from me or from everyone. Anything that you dream of in the depth of the night while you stroke yourself to my image. Things that make your toes curl, desires I can fulfill better than the fantasy of yours can.”  
“Kurt.” Blaine moaned, no doubt getting hard in his tight fitting suit.”I can´t- I will have to go to work in a few minutes.”

Kurt frowned. He had been determined for his plan to work, so he just continued pressing the issue.”What is your deepest desire, Blaine?” He said softly.”Me riding you? Having sex with me in public, keeping me on my toes because the possibility of someone walking by and seeing is a thrill for us?” He paused, making his voice come out higher. “Is it punishing your naughty student in a uniform that has defied his teacher? You tying me to the bedpost and me being at your mercy while you deny me to come until Sir gives me permission?” He heard Blaine´s breath come quicker and grinned. Nailed it.”Yes, you want something like that, right? You want ropes and a cane, correcting my naughty behavior while I am sprawled over your lap where you can beat me till I cry because you message my cherry red asscheeks. Then yo9u order me to kneel and let me service you while you drive your big cock relentlessly into my willing mouth, not allowing me to suck, just pushing in over and over until I gag, but you won´t stop. You won´t stop until your good little boy has swallowed every drop of it. I will be good, Sir.”

“Kurt, please, that is not-“

“Then, when I begged you long and hard, you actually consider fucking me. You won´t give in before that. You will watch me prep myself on top of your body until you can´t wait any longer and roughly replace my fingers with your huge cock-“

“Oh god.” Blaine said in a high voice.

Kurt listened to quiet moans erupting from him, patiently waiting for Blaine to finally get off by his own hand and ask him to come over right now. No, command him to come over. Kurt knew those men, power-hungry assholes who lusted after men weak enough to make them feel stronger. He could do that. Everyone else already treated him like the low-llife he was.

 Blaine´s breathes came quicker after a few minutes but Kurt didn´t expect to hear his name moaned. He bit down on his lips, blushing and waited for Blaine to return to the phone. Suddenly he didn’t feel as comfortable any more.  
“Is that what you want?” He still continued persuasively.”Sir?”

Blaine still breathed heavily into the phone and took some time before answering, ”Yes.”  
“Great-“  
“And no.” Blaine went on.”I am not really into the Bdsm thing.”  
“I remember you just getting off on that a minute ago.” Said Kurt snappishly.

For a moment it was silent enough to make Kurt believe Blaine had hung up. It was all the louder even though Blaine´s voice was hushed when he answered.  
“I want you to top. I dream about you teasing me to the point where I am so frustrated I try to get off on rubbing against the sheets until you still my body. I will beg and beg you to finally do something, to fuck me but you will refuse and I finger myself before you finally give in and don´t hold back at fucking me. Roughly and relentlessly so that I need to hold on to the bed posts to not be pummeled into the mattress but we both enjoy it so much that everyone hears us moan out each other’s names.” He broke off and Kurt was rendered speechless.”Fuck, I can´t believe I actually said that.”

Kurt couldn´t believe it either. For seven years. He had been raped daily for seven years and not once anyone had wanted him to top. Sebastian sometimes bragged about it, how men came in all confident and wanting to fuck him, but ending up with his cock up their asses. Kurt had grimaced at that, doubting the honesty of Sebastian´s words. Kurt´s only variety in clients were those rough or extra rough. Those wanting him on his back and those wanting him on his stomach. Karofsky wanting him in lingerie and dresses, in high heels and make up because then he could pretend he wasn´t gay when he fucked Kurt´s ass.

Kurt had never thought anyone would ask him to top. Especially not Blaine, who he deemed as such a power-hungry, stupid rich guy. Blaine however, liked to do the opposite of what Kurt expected more often than not. This had to be the worst case though.

“Are you still there?” Blaine asked.”We don´t have to do any of that of course. It was just a stupid idea.”

“No.” Kurt assured him, even though he clenched his pillow tight to his body in uneasiness.”I was just surprised, that is all.”

“It´s okay if that is not your thing. I enjoy our sex either way.”

A bit of tension faded from him because of how genuine Blaine sounded. Like it didn´t matter what he desired as long as Kurt was happy. That was definitely a first. It only made Kurt want to go through with the plan even more.

“Don´t come until I am at your place at 8. I will reconsider fucking you if I am in the mood for it then.”

“I- Of course. See you then.”

X

He had Nick watching over Finn that night and knew that they would stay up playing video games and watching cartoon. This partly grown up brother of his that he couldn´t see as child anymore and an acquaintance. Another birthday was right around the corner and he had planned to spent the night at Blaine´s and then to go shopping for Finn´s present. There he would take step two that already made him nervous now. Not as nervous as he was now at dinner with Blaine, where he forced himself to eat twice as much as he usually did.

They popped in a movie after that, Kurt cuddling close to Blaine while his heart was racing against his thoughts. He had never topped before, so how will he be able to keep Blaine interested in the one thing Kurt is usually good at?  
Blaine laughed at whatever was on the screen and Kurt finally had enough and leant over to kiss him to get it over with. He undressed Blaine swiftly, like men do with him, and switched off the TV with the other hand.

Blaine´s eyes were closed, his cheeks flushed and his lips are partly opened when he sat up to find Kurt´s mouth again. It was frantic and wet and unlike the sex they had had and yet still always gentle. With every button popped open and with more skin exposed, Blaine got needier. It was nothing like Kurt had imagined it would go. Blaine was still very much in charge, letting his hands run over Kurt´s body and pull at his clothes until they came undone and yet it felt different. Like he needed Kurt, but he needed him to help him let go.

Kurt gulped down his worries and started with what he knew best. Blaine was naked and hard in seconds, Kurt leaning over him not quite close enough to touch but close enough to breathe in the same air. Kurt´s forehead rested on Blaine´s whenever they didn´t kiss and at the warm feeling in his stomach when their eyes met, he closed his. One hand was tempted to just go down and stroke Blaine´s erection, but Kurt knew Blaine wanted to be teased first. So he did, tweaking Blaine´s right nipple, then his left, kissing him and pulling away when Blaine ran his tongue over the seams of his lips and lifting his body when Blaine seeked friction.

“Patience, Blaine.” Kurt said lowly.”You will take what I give when I choose to give it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sexy times will continue next Wednesday :)


	8. Everybody loves Pretty

Blaine looked at Kurt in apprehension, stilling to wait for further instructions. He shut his eyes, biting his lips when Kurt started roughly messaging his balls. He let out a low moan when Kurt´s hand slid up, brushing the sensitive skin before dipping lower. Immediately Blaine spread his legs wider, in an attempt to silently plead Kurt for more than he was giving. That was what made Kurt give in, sliding one digit over the soft pucker in fascination.

“Sh-Shit, please.”

Kurt gently shook his head and let both hands run over Blaine´s upper body, seizing himself at just how much he enjoyed Blaine´s frustrated sigh. In a replica of Blaine´s sensual prelude, he kissed down Blaine´s cheek, then down his ear, nibbling on the earlobe while his hands massaged the whimpering man's nipples. Then he licked a trail down Blaine´s neck sucking on the spot above his collarbone that made Blaine´s breath hitch at contact. The moan of his name, muffled by the arm Blaine had thrown over his face, made Kurt beam with satisfaction. He had done that. For once he had the power and it made him feel lightheaded.

“Do you want to come?”

Blaine nodded sharply. "Please. Touch me.”

“I don´t think I will.”Kurt grinned dirtily at having Blaine trapped below him on the sofa.

Biting his lips in frustration, Blaine only sank further into the couch with any attempt to move against Kurt, who started to lick and nibble on his throat again, one hand slowly trailing down Blaine´s body, following the happy trail down and to the erection that was leaking pre-cum. Gently, he let the back of his nails run up and down in the underside of Blaine´s cock, relishing in the sounds he caused. When Blaine tried to speed things up by snapping his hips up, Kurt´s other arm pressed him down and he continued his lazy movements, leisurely drawing circles on Blaine´s balls.

“Kurt!” Blaine yelled, face red with pleasure. "Please! oh- oh god.”

Kurt laughed, blowing cold air against Blaine´s wet neck, watching the goose bumps rise. "What? You wanted me to touch you.”

“Plea-please. That´s n-not enough.”

Blaine´s eyes clenched shut when Kurt´s hand finally encased the erection and very slowly started to move his fist down. "Is this what you wanted?" The low moans escaping Blaine´s tightly clenched jaw made Kurt only demand more. He finally gave in to the urge to kiss Blaine, the desperate look on his face along with the bright red of his bitten lips now irresistible. Kurt sighed at the familiar taste that came along with the kiss. The kiss they shared was as intimate as their touches and when Blaine threw his head back in pleasure, Kurt subconsciously followed his. After one more kiss, Kurt let go and sat up, noticing the foreign heat between his legs and felt comprehension slowly catch up with him.

Everything stopped.

Kurt frowned, releasing Blaine´s cock to stroke his own, now hard, in wonder. The simplest touch made his toes curl and his eyes roll back. It scared him. He darted up from the couch. “I – I –“ he stammered, backing off, ignoring Blaine’s worried expression. "Excuse me.”

Walking was awkward when you were hard, but Kurt found that running was even worse. He managed to get to the bathroom anyway, letting the door bang shut behind him. The brightness of the light startled him and it took a second or two to remember why he had fled in the first place. Once more, he looked down at his cock, still finding it mostly hard. Kurt glanced up, not knowing what to do and saw his face in the mirror. Hallowed cheeks with tight stretched, pale skin he was familiar with, but something was different. He stepped closer, looking carefully, and noticed his pupils were blown wider than he had ever seen them.

How was all of that possible? Normally it took forcefully shutting out his panic and disgust of sex in addition to stimulation to get hard and often it vanished quickly. Most men didn´t care enough to pay his needs any attention either when they were controlling him.

Tonight it had been him that was in control. Everything they did was meticulously planned out by him and he´d be able to stop at any time. He had stopped just now and Blaine had not forced himself on Kurt. That was still a possibility though. The memory of the dream in which he´d been raped by Blaine was enough for his penis to get flaccid and his heart to flutter in fear. He didn´t know what Blaine would do now, but he´d get through it. He always did, even though it had never felt that difficult to do.

There was a knock to the door, before Blaine came in. He remained at the door, as if he was afraid to startle Kurt, but Kurt still steeled himself for the inevitable, every hint at desire gone from his body.

“Kurt, are you alright?” Blaine asked softly. "Did I do something wrong?”

All the fear drained from his body. Blaine's assumption left little room for doubt, even with Kurt´s cautious nature. "No. Oh god no, Blaine.” He walked to him, hands hovering over the shoulder. Now that they did not have sex, it felt awkward for Kurt to interact with him."You were perfect.”

“Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable. We don´t have to have sex today, and you don’t have to top if you don't want.” The hand grabbing at Kurt´s felt as gentle as only Blaine´s could be. "We can just go watch the movie. Or we could cuddle. Just - as long as you feel good about it, I´m fine.”

The lingering mistrust vanished and Kurt stepped ack into the persona he had created. Kurt´s muscles loosened as he let himself kiss Blaine softly. "It's my fault.” He admitted.

Blaine didn´t seem surprised, just cupped Kurt´s face with his free hand. "Don't be ashamed. It was a ridiculous request to ask you to top when you don't always get hard. You tried and made me feel good and that is more than I ever should have asked for.”

“I got hard.” Kurt blurted out.

“Oh.” Blaine did not to seem fazed at all, he just remained a steady force Kurt easily felt himself being drawn to against his will. "Then why did you leave so suddenly?”

Before that moment, lies had come so easily to Kurt. Now they seemed to weigh on his tongue, letting him finally tell Blaine a small portion of the truth. "Because it surprised me. No one has ever gotten me hard without endless attempts of blowing or stroking me to at least get something out of it for them. It caught me off guard.”

Kurt expected him to laugh, or maybe preen at the compliment, but he only seemed concerned, so Kurt tried to kiss away his doubt. It started off soft but quickly Kurt set a different pace, licking his way into Blaine´s mouth and pressing his body flush against Blaine´s. Soon Blaine was just as enthusiastic, hands running up and down Kurt´s body, but Kurt wouldn´t have it. It was finally his turn to take control.

“Go and get the lube and condoms.” Kurt growled, pushing Blaine away. After a slight hesitation, Blaine complied, going straight back to the bedroom. Kurt followed, standing by the bed and waiting until Blaine had the utensils, then laid on the bed.

“Join me.”

Blaine did, positioning himself on top of Kurt, who began slowly teasing the other man. He ran his hand ran up and down Blaine´s crack, lingering on the pucker he found before moving on, and running the other up and down Blaine´s thigh while scraping his teeth carefully against one of Blaine´s hard nipples. It didn´t take long to have Blaine hard and leaking against Kurt´s stomach and thrusting in an attempt to find more friction.

Kurt continued teasing the other man until he could feel himself getting hard, finally allowing it. Blaine was rubbing his wet erection against Kurt´s and for a moment they lost themselves in the pleasure and moans of each other, movements getting faster as the pleasure increased. Kurt´s body shook as he stopped Blaine from moving this time but he needed to do what Blaine desired to most.

“Please, Kurt. I need you to touch me. I need to come.” Blaine begged.

Kurt didn´t give him an answer at first, watching as Blaine started trying to find something to help him find friction.

“You won´t come from anything but riding my cock, Blaine.”

Blaine stopped and Kurt doubted his choice before realizing how Blaine´s gaze had become even more heated. Kurt giggled lightly at seeing how disheveled Blaine looked, his normally tame curls messy and only one sock still on, but he didn´t feel guilty because Blaine just giggled along, as if understanding Kurt's thought process, and soon they were back at kissing heatedly, the broken moment forgotten about.

“I want your cock in me.” Blaine forced out between moans "Now.”

Kurt hummed, spreading Blaine´s ass cheeks and let his knee rub against the sensitive skin of Blaine´s lower body. It was a sight to behold to see Blaine so frustrated and needy above him and he started to understand another reason for being hard. Thinking about his own leaking erection let his resolve break and he grabbed the lube. Before he could even offer to prepare Blaine, however, it was ripped from his hand and the desperate man had two fingers buried into himself. Hungrily, Kurt watched digit after digit disappear only to reappear again. He needed to feel what it was like to cause someone else such intense feelings, because Blaine´s face was serene and his gasps and moans were the music caused by the pleasure he must feel. It was surprising, seeing someone enjoy what Kurt had to _endure_.

“N-now? Kurt! Now!”

“Not now.”

Hesitantly Kurt held the wrist of the hand that Blaine was preparing himself with and for a few seconds he didn´t look away from Blaine´s blazing eyes. Then he moved Blaine’s hand with his, up and down, driving the finger in and out and in, altering the angles of his thrusts. His own erection was quickly becoming painful but he couldn´t take his eyes away. Not yet. Not when it still fascinated him how he learned which angle and which speed made Blaine moan the loudest. Which made him yell out Kurt´s name is distress. What made him look as Kurt as if he was the center of the universe.

“You are so beautiful, Blaine” He whispered into Blaine´s face, barely realizing what he was saying. The attempt at a smile he received in return was more than enough to satisfy. 

He gave Blaine´s erection one last stroke while driving Blaine´s hand in fast and deep before pulling it out. He wanted to tease and wait, Blaine's fumbling with the condom quickly crumbled the last of his resolve. He swatted Blaine´s hand away, pulling it down himself and he barely had it fully on before Blaine was on top of him, impaling himself on Kurt´s cock.

The tight heat was like nothing Kurt had ever felt before. His experiences with sex had nowhere prepared himself for the wall of pleasure that hit him as Blaine sank down to what felt like the last inch of the base of his cock.

“Blaine.” Kurt breathed out against Blaine's shoulder. He felt the body above him move, using an arm on the couch cushion and his legs to pull up. Kurt´s hands instinctively held on to Blaine's hips, pushing him higher as he felt the friction suck out all the air in his body. His head was thrown back, lips tightly pressed together to hold in anything he´d regret doing because of how this felt.

“Kurt. Look at me.” After opening his eyes, Kurt lost all inhibitions. He moaned again as he thrust his hips up, stealing both men's breath. With every motion, they became more synchronized, learning how the other would move and to move in return. Kurt found himself holding on to Blaine, desperate for reassurance. Along with the intensity, Kurt never lost the purely gentle feeling that was Blaine. It was always reachable, even as he bit into Blaine´s shoulder and drove into him at an angle that made his cock go in even further and repeated his movements, fast and rough. It felt incredibly good. His hips pushed up whenever Blaine moved down, creating friction and immense pleasure.

Sex didn't hurt for once.

When Blaine came, Kurt felt the man's entire body tense on his cock and that threw him over the edge as well, Blaine riding him until both were completely spent. Their lips were left connected, tongues exploring and following each other with every movement.

Kurt´s hands never stilled on Blaine´s body, stroking and squeezing to elicit another moan from Blaine, that vibrated through his body. It felt intense and warm to be so close without promise to more. Right now, Kurt was high on want and desire he granted himself. He knew that it was a temporary feeling so he made sure to know every slope, ever dimple of Blaine before he let reality catch up with him.

“I don´t want to stop.” Blaine whispered between kisses.

“Me neither. God, Blaine.”

He felt himself harden again, still inside of Blaine´s body. When they had sex for the second time that day, Kurt never once let his eyes wander from Blaine´s, his hands holding on to Blaine as if he was his anchor and Blaine holding on to his as if Kurt was his.

X

Blaine´s own album was playing in the background, after Kurt had insisted that they´d listen to it. Blaine had sunken powerless back down onto the couch once it was running, lying down to face Kurt, his eyes closed in exhaustion. Still, Kurt felt Blaine´s hands running down his torso, gentle like a light breeze but causing a sizzling in his skin like the currency between connected wires. It was Kurt´s turn to look and force himself not to think too much but to see Blaine and memorize his features. His soft eye-lashes that curled long and thick on Blaine´s round cheeks. His triangle eyebrows underneath soft curls sticking to his forehead. His plump lips Kurt reached out to kiss again. The fact that unlike him, Blaine had no creases on his forehead but light wrinkles by his eyes, only noticeable when they were accompanied by the dimples in Blaine´s cheek when he was smiling like he was at that moment.

_All the lights on you are alive_

_But you can´t point the way to your heart_

_So sublime when the stars are aligned_

Kurt´s breath got stuck in his throat when Blaine reopened his eyes and looked at him. The way his chest felt too full, breaking at the seams, was foreign to Kurt but when he looked into Blaine´s hazel eyes, always focused on him, he knew that he wasn´t alone in all this. Solitude was nonexistent when Blaine did everything to stay connected and Kurt had cautiously let him in.

“ _But you don´t know_ ” Blaine sang along to his own song, his voice joining the record. “ _You don’t know the greatness you are_.”

_Cause Blue eyes_

_You are destiny´s scene_

_Cause Blue eyes_

_I just want to be the one_

Not for the first time, Kurt wished for time to stand still and to stay in this moment forever. Surrounded by Blaine´s beautiful voice like a blanket. Here he could forget all his sorrows and stop thinking and just bathe in the feelings keeping him warm. Still there were so much more he wanted to do before he had to return to his true self that he sat up when the slow song ended and grasped Blaine´s hand.

“I want to draw something for the charity auction.” He said, pulling on Blaine´s hand. Giddiness seemed to bounce randomly through his body as he smiled down at the blissfully stretched out Blaine.

“Now?” Blaine mumbled into the cushion.”Can´t we just stay here a bit longer?”

“But I am inspired now.”

No further complaint was given, because somehow that was all it took to convince Blaine to take his outstretched hand and follow him to the art room. It was strange how the foreign apartment had become so familiar to Kurt, that he didn´t even need to see where to walk.

Kurt also noticed his skin feeling different now, when he moved, but not uncomfortable. There was no need for shame when both of them looked disheveled. Kurt just hoped he´d be half as cute as a tired and blissful Blaine. This was what he wanted to draw as well, now when Blaine was no longer a rich benefactor, but the man he had slept with.

The man that Kurt didn´t know received a look like he was special to him.

“Clear canvases are there in the corner, choose whatever size you want. I´ll get you the paint and brushes.”Blaine walked over to what looked like a huge treasure chest. It gave Kurt a nice view of his butt when he leaned down and he felt himself blush for some reason when he saw the tip of Blaine´s cock peak out between his thighs. He distracted himself with picking a medium sized canvas.

”Do you already know what you want to draw? The demand on art is very diverse so don´t ask for an expert´s advice.” Blaine´s voice came muffled from inside the huge chest.

“You.” Kurt said.

Blaine stilled before turning around with the widest smile Kurt had ever seen anyone wearing. He automatically answered with a closed-lipped smile that was his very own sign of happiness. One of them was the first to move, but by the time they met in the middle of the room to kiss, art supplies pressed between their bodies, Kurt had forgotten whom. Both laughed when they pulled away, neither sure why but not really caring about that.

_I´ve been roaming around_

_always looking down_

_And all I see_

“Should I pose for you in all my glory?” Kurt giggled again when Blaine flexed his muscles, dropping several bottles of paint in the process.”Let my naked body be your muse and my massive muscles be painted for the world to admire? Make all of them hot, bothered and jealous of what your eyes have stared at for hours?”

_Painted faces fill the places_

_I can´t reach_

_You know that I could use somebody_

Kurt knelt down to pick up the  scattered paint, enjoying the gasp when he softly kissed Blaine´s soft penis before he stood back up. The expression on Blaine´s face was forcefully calm but his pupils were blown so wide, it tempted Kurt to try and get back to what they´d done beforehand once more. Instead he winked before walking away with swaying hips, over to the easel by the side of the room, leaving Blaine standing there with his mouth agape.

“As much as I would like to have you standing there like this, I´m afraid I need your help much more. I have never been good at drawing so it´s either your hand guiding mine and we pretend it´s my work or you will have to try and explain why a stick figure is the newest must have for every art fan.”

“You don´t give yourself enough credit.” Blaine said, as if he truly meant it. He still strode over and put the canvas onto the easel, before positioning himself flush against Kurt´s back. “But if it gives me the opportunity to stand behind you like this and pretend it´s just for the sake of art, I´ll gladly comply.”

_You know that I could use somebody_

Kurt was handed a brush and struggled with picking a color while hands ran up and down his body, dipping into every nook.”Is this how you always teach people how to draw? It seems rather distracting.”

“No, I´ll make you an exception. You see, to understand the structure of a body, you have to be able to understand each part of it. See,” Blaine cupped and then messaged his shoulders before letting his hands slide down, ”the width of shoulder blades, the muscles in your upper arms, the dip of the elbow and the delicacy of wrists has to be felt before it can be brought down onto the canvas.”

Kurt shivered at every word and touch, grip tight on the brush because otherwise he´d drop it. “Then shouldn´t I be the one exploring your body to understand every part of it?” He asked.

 “You already have. So many times.”

_Someone like you_

“Did they feel like enough to you, though?” Kurt asked, grinning cheekily at Blaine as he turned his head to him.”Should we stop touching?”

“I can never get enough of you, Kurt. Right now I need to be selfish and you will have to be a good student and pay attention to what I am trying to teach you or else we will have to have many more art lessons. ”Blaine´s hands ran back up his arms and then down his back to his ass.”All of me practically belongs to you, so technically my teaching methods work because you will understand my body because I do yours.”

It was bogus and Kurt gladly took that in stride when he dipped his brush first into hazel brown before applying a jade green on top of it.  The brush strokes were delicate after he got the hang of it, barely seeable if it weren´t for the stark contrast of white and his mixture of darker colors.

Meanwhile Blaine did exactly as he had promised, fingers running over Kurt´s torsos. “Feel the dimples in the back before the body curves out for two spectacular globes and then down into lean calves-“  
“Blaine, you are not helping much.” Kurt interrupted. His breathing had started to become heavy under the attention his ass cheeks were given, messaged by broad hands.

“Why? What am I doing wrong?”

“You are distracting the great artist from his work. These are not circumstances this great artist can deal with.”

Blaine´s laugh vibrated against his back.”Oh, is that the case? Am I distracting you with my hands?” He drew patterns on Kurt´s hipbones next. ”As a teacher I am responsible for what you learn. The shape of hipbones that I shouldn’t feel because you need to eat more, love. The valley of your stomach, the bumps of your ribcage, the flutter of your heart underneath that. It´s your body, my body, the art you are.I can´t teach you any better.”

_And all you know and how you speak_

“I want to draw you though, not me.” Kurt said to distract from the warmth he felt at Blaine´s words.

“I am nothing compared to you.”

“That´s rubbish. I am too thin, pale as a ghost and my nose is awfully large. And have you seen my toes? One is so crooked, it´s a miracle it hasn´t broken yet.”

Blaine twirled him around then, ruining the canvas because the brush slipped over it as Kurt tried in vain to draw a sleeping Blaine.”You are imperfectly perfect to me.”

Kurt sighed, which made Blaine poke him in return and caused him to laugh.”Hey, I meant that, Kurt.”

“You have to say that though. It´s called telling white lies to people you date one-o-one. The truth would not be as wisely spoken.”

“Is that what you do?” Blaine frowned and let his hands fall to his sides.”Telling me lies to appease me?”

“No, I-“  
“Because I don´t need that. I know I am not perfect, no one is. So whatever you think you need to hide from me, let me be clear, is something I could deal with. Tell me when you have a problem with me. Don´t let it fess to blow up at some point in our relationship.”

Kurt´s world crashed a bit just like that. Like someone had tilted something enough to let it roll dangerously close to the tables edge, far enough to let him glimpse the ground miles below. Reality crept up to him and suddenly he felt cold without his clothes on. This was not his actual life and it never would be. Everything he thought he had felt last night, now, needed to be tugged in tightly, next to the dreams of his childhood. He was a prostitute, sex should not impact him, it should repulse him. Realitiy was him being raped daily.

_Countless lovers undercover of the street_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_You know that I could use somebody_

“I am not lying to you just because I won´t always speak my mind.” He chose to say. Hands returned to caress his body and it was so easy to slip back into the pretense of a life he had built. Just for now he needed somebody he could use to keep his dream alive.”This night has meant so much to me, so please, I don´t want it to be ruined by a fight.”

“You´re right.” Blaine sighed.”I am sorry. We should really back up and let you finish your masterpiece for the auction.”

_Someone like you_

They did exactly that, Kurt getting frustrated because drawing was way too hard and how could one eye be so easy to draw if the other looked like crap, while Blaine was focused on reexploring Kurt´s body. Kurt hissed whenever Blaine would brush over sensitive skin or over the marks Blaine left on him earlier and more than once the brush slipped and ruined what Kurt was working on. The outline of a standing Blaine was mostly finished after twenty minutes, looking like a stiff figure with mismatched limbs and very disproportional body parts. It was horrible.

_Off in the night while you live it up_

_I´m off to sleep_

_Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat_

_I hope it´s gonna make you notice_

“Have I told you that I love your nose? I think it´s the cutest nose I have ever seen.” Blaine randomly mumbled into his shoulder blade.”Apart from your ass that is very distracting from your face sometimes. And your cock, yes I can´t not mention your cock at the list of things I love. But don’t worry I love everything about you equally.”

Love. The word clogged up Kurt´s throat.

_Someone like me_

“You won´t like me that much once you take a look at how I have drawn you.”

Blaine peeked over his shoulder, hooking his chin over it. Silence filled a moment, before Blaine could express his opinion. That did tell a whole story in itself, not that it surprised Kurt. There was either very bad lying to come, or brutal honesty of an art critic.  
“It is unique, let me tell you that.” Blaine finally said, which said nothing at all.

“Every painting is. Mine just is uniquely bad. The canvas was a very bad choice for my first try at drawing. I will repay you and then I can touch you a little while you create something beautiful for the auction to make up for my failed attempt.”

“No.” Blaine instantly complained.”It´s interesting, keep on drawing, use colors and have fun with what you do. If people don´t appreciate it, I certainly do.”

“Blaine, come on.”  
“You didn´t actually think I´d let anyone outbid me, did you? I want your art and the remembrance of this moment for us and not for somebody else to misinterpret the meaning and pride himself on  someone else’s piece of memory.”

Kurt´s breath got caught, his tongue dry as sandpaper.”Don´t be dramatic. It´s just a horrible drawing of you.”

“It´s your very own style of expressing your feelings. It doesn´t have to be pretty to have meaning to me. It means something to me because you are important to me.” He watched as Blaine slid between the easel and himself, his hazel eyes swimming with emotions.”I´ve been wanting to tell you for quite some time now and waited for the right moment to come up and present itself but why wait?”

Kurt slightly shook his head, knowing Blaine´s next words but not able to stop them. They hit him right into the guts, making him bite down on his lips and tipping him until he feel off the edge and the fantasy shattered.

“I am in love with you, Kurt.”

In love.

Kurt closed his eyes. Blaine, in love with him. Someone loved him.

 Blaine loved him.

“You don´t have to say you return those feelings yet.”Blaine added as if to placate him. ”I can wait for that but I couldn´t wait with letting you know that you are loved.”

It was almost comical to the point where Kurt felt like laughing until his stomach protested and tears would flow over his cheeks. In love with a whore. Every night, different men had sex with Kurt, treating him like a doll they could use. But some promised him his love. The construct of stupidity, people were made to believe to distract them from the sharpness that was reality. Kurt was no such fool. This, everything that had happened in the past day, had been nice while it lasted, but ultimately that was all it was. A little indulgence while his plan worked out.

He should be elated because Blaine falling in love with him was the step he needed to have a chance of saving Finn. It was deception he needed to do next and Kurt was no longer focused on his own happiness but on the goal he had reached for weeks. He ignored the doubt coming with it and the guilt at leading someone on he couldn´t hate. For one reason or another, it felt soothing to release Blaine from his plight, even though it was a lie.

“I love you too.”

Blaine´s eyes widened before they glistened in unshed tears. His light laughter tugged at Kurt´s heart but he paid it no attention.”That scares me a bit, Kurt.” Blaine kissed him, long and deep. His hands felt almost painful with the grip they had on Kurt´s shoulder and neck.

“Why does it scare you?”  
Blaine hugged him tightly against his naked body.”The last time someone said that to me, he didn´t mean it. I thought I would never dare to give someone all of me before you came along. You changed everything.”

Now it was Kurt´s turn to hug Blaine closer, hoping the guilt would subside along with the feeling of giddiness he tried to quench. There was no time to dwell on that.

“Don´t worry, I´ll take good care of your heart.” Kurt said around the lump in his chest.”I will take care of you.”

“Good. Because I have no intentions of letting you off the hook now.”

Nothing had ever been so reassuring and painful at once for Kurt.

_I´ve been roaming around always looking down_

_And all I see_

X

Hours later, hiding in the bathroom to avoid waking Blaine, Kurt let go and cried. Cried over what he had let himself feel, even though it was for a limited amount of time, cried because of the guilt he felt and the shame over what he´d let himself become. Blaine was just a few feet away, smiling in his sleep and hugging a pillow that substituted for Kurt. That just made him feel worse.

x

“Okay we established now, he´s too young for an annual ticket to museums and too old for a scooter. Though I still think a lexicon is something he´d be happy about. It´s great for doing homework or looking things up.”

Kurt shook his head, forcing a smile. Being with Blaine was more strenuous now that it made him feel awful about himself instead of hateful towards the man holding his hand in the mall. Also, he´d found himself slipping into his fantasy of a real relationship now and then, which was frustrating.

“Sometimes I wonder if you are an old men, forever imprisoned in the body of a 26-year-old, Blaine. Why else would you come up with ideas that only a senior would be happy about receiving as a birthday present?”

“Hey, if that is true, what does it make you?” Blaine teased back. His free hand held up a book about Vincent van-Gogh which made Kurt raise one eyebrow.”You always pick out things he is too old for, Mr. 21.”

“Rollerblades can be used by people of any age.”Kurt countered.

“Yes, but I have yet to see a twelve year old wear a Pokémon backpack.”

Kurt dragged him away from the book section, knowing Finn was not someone who enjoyed reading. People regarded the couple bickering in the aisles, mostly with friendly faces. Not that Blaine would have stopped showing the world his affection to Kurt if they hadn´t, he was constantly hovering around him.   
Kurt stopped in front of the shelves holding water pistols and Nerf guns, eyes drawn to the prices first. One of those was the one Finn had wished for and that would at least be a start. “For the record, I know that my brother would like the best Nerf gun, so you can take your grandpa stuff and we´ll see what he likes better.”

“Is that a challenge, Kurt?” Blaine wiggled his eyebrows.”Because you have to know that I don´t take challenges lightly. I intent on winning.”

Kurt pulled down the cheapest Nerf gun that looked like it was worth more than the money he´d spent on it, before putting it back and going for the one with the most features for twice as much. “You should rather be prepared to lose.” He pointed the Nerf gun at Blaine.

“What?” Blaine said, stealing the package from him.”Is the lawyer instinct coming through? Will I be convicted?”

He knew this was the time to joke but he was too tense and his life had never offered many things to laugh about. Instead he just forced a smile and grabbed the gun out of Blaine´s hands before walking off into another direction. He´d have to steer clear of feelings and stick to his plan.

“We will find out which presents he likes better when you give him his on his birthday.” Kurt said drily.

Blaine was beside him in seconds, carrying another Nerf Gun. The other hand shot out to take Kurt´s again.”Oh my God.” He then said overly loudly.

“What?” Kurt looked around, expecting to see something that could have caused Blaine´s astonishment.”Please tell me you have just spotted a discount on Dior suits.”

A look at Blaine however revealed that it was Kurt he was looking at with wonder. It was intense enough to immediately cause Kurt to avert his gaze. He wondered if Blaine felt the sweat on his palms or the pulse racing in his veins because Kurt was frightened. Scared of the feelings he couldn´t pinpoint and of being caught in his web of lies.

“Kurt.” Blaine said with a fond voice. ”You actually want me to meet your brother? In person?”

“Yes? Is that a bad idea?”

“No! It surprised me that is all.”

Kurt stopped to pick up silver wrapping paper and golden ribbon. He needed Christmas presents as well, it was right around the corner and Finn whined a lot if he only got one present for both occasions. “Why does it surprise you?”

“You´re secretive.” Blaine picked up red paper.”That is why it´s an honor to meet someone that precious to you.”

“He is.” The next words got caught in his throat before he forced them out. ”But so are you.”

He wasn´t prepared to be spun around and kissed. Soft lips made the lump in his airway dissolve and he unconsciously he opened his to try and get more of Blaine. His body had leaned into Blaine´s as well, seeking out the warmth on this December night.

“Was there a mistletoe?” Kurt breathed inches away from Blaine´s mouth, his eyes still closed.

“I don´t need a reason to want to kiss you. Whenever I do it´s just me giving in to a need I constantly feel.”

Kurt kissed him this time even though he did not want him to shut up.

In the end they had a lot of presents and stuff to load into the town car of Blaine and Kurt decided to take Finn´s birthday presents with him now and leave his Christmas ones at Blaine´s apartment. On the way there they sat in the backseat, shoulder to shoulder, drinking hot cocoa. The drink wasn’t the only thing paid by Blaine that day.

“What if he doesn´t like me?” Blaine asked as they were stuck in New York’s everlasting traffic jams. “I have never spent much time with children, since I am the youngest in my family. What if I make a grave mistake?”

“You already have when you bought him that damn lexicon.” Kurt joked, mind blissfully numb with kisses and touches that had him tightly spun in his fantasy again.

“You think so? Oh my god, I am not going to give it to him if that is the case. Does he like candy? Is he bribable? Now I´m nervous.”

“No need to be.” Kurt squeezed Blaine´s hand.”He´ll love you just because you make me happy. That´s how Finn is.”

Blaine smiled.

“But don’t you dare give him candy. Too much of it and he becomes a tornado that can´t be tamed.”

“Understood. No candy for him.” He kissed Kurt. ”More candy for me.”

Later Blaine was reluctant to let Kurt go but as tomorrow was Finn´s birthday, Kurt would never allow himself to miss their morning ritual. That was why he almost needed to shove Blaine out of the car and only felt his emotions deflate as he watched him vanish behind the foyer door. As always he let himself drive to the door of an uptown apartment afterwards and walked the rest of the blocks to his place when the car was out of sight.   
The fast beating of his heart lingered in his ears while the taste and touch of Blaine remained on his lips.


	9. Another Name goes up in lights

Chapter 9

 

Kurt was a lake that reflected the light of the high noon sun, solid and bright but not allowing the viewer to see how deep he was. Kurt was the forest behind the lake, lush in its needle and leave covered trees and bushes, external beauty, promising a captivating view with the peaks of what lay behind it and still allowing no look behind the first glance. He was the clear sky, a single white cloud almost escaping the view as he was changing over time. Kurt was the flightless birds, the rippling water, the opening sunflowers and the green grass at the edge of the woods.

Blaine felt his hand tremble at the last strokes, knuckles covered in paint and breath held as he finished painting Kurt. He didn´t feel the heaviness of creating art until it left his body when he was finally finished. The brush dropped onto the floor and he stood up on weak knees. His eyes feverishly scanned the picture as he drew in hasty breath after breath. Bringing Kurt onto canvas could never do him justice, because soon Kurt couldn´t be held down in this moment any longer. He would fly away, bloom and turn into a river and Blaine would have to draw him anew. But for now, he felt like having captured _this_ Kurt.

X

 

This time the taste and touch of Blaine was washed away under the ruthless hands of a man that was currently twisting Kurt´s arms behind his back while he drove his cock into him. Around the cotton of the pillow, Kurt tried to breathe as he was shoved further into it whenever the man buried himself deep within him. He wished it were his ears covered instead of his face whenever the big man spoke up.

“Such an innocent little b-boy, taking me so very well. Such a good baby for your Daddy.”  
Kurt whimpered gracelessly when the man shortly brushed his prostate. A few months ago that feeling had been almost foreign because many men did not intent to pleasure a slut and Hunter always punished him by hitting and then avoiding it.

“Is that new to you, baby?” The man panted out.”Shh. Don´t be afraid of feeling this. Your daddy takes good care of you and won´t ever harm you. What we do here is tota-totally normal, so just relax and let me make you feel good.”

Along with the words came memories better left deeply under lock, but they crawled up nonetheless. Memories of the first time Hunter had touched him. Kurt remembered it being a mild spring night, as he had shivered in the too short clothes provided by Hunter. It had been a month and some since they had been allowed to stay in a tiny apartment in the hotel Hunter owned. Finn had been sound asleep. Hunter and him had stayed up watching TV and Kurt had not paid mind to Hunter suddenly coming close enough to let their bodies brush. He did jerk away though when a hand settled onto his knee but calmed down when he noticed Hunter still engrossed with the running program. When the hand returned he let it be until he felt it creep upward.

“Hunter?” He asked, voice thin.  
Hunter´s hand did not stop until it was placed on Kurt´s private parts.”Shh,Kurt. Don´t wake your brother You know how difficult it is to get him to fall back asleep again.”

His body was rigid until the hand started slowly messaging his lower body. Then he moved, limbs crashing against Hunter´s body now towering above him but swiftly he was held in place by a strong arm pressing against his rib cage.  
“Don´t fight me on this. You will like it.” Wet breath met Kurt´s ear.”I will take care of you both from now on and you are going to repay me. As I said, you´ll feel good as well so it won´t be very bad.”  
“No.” Kurt whispered back. He knew what Hunter was planning to do or at least his younger self had the right idea. It felt weird and e needed it to stop.

“Now, now, you wouldn´t want Finn to go back to Mr. and Mrs. Hudson in  Southern New Jersey again, would you?”

Kurt froze with hearing his secrets spread out. His fright must have been apparent in his eyes because Hunter´s smile widened.”How-?”  
“Oh, sweet, innocent, little Kurt. I can find out anything. I know for a fact that they desperately want your little angel back to punish him for running away while they make you watch. I am sure they will finally start punishing you too because you dared to take their punching bag away.” Kurt fought but he had no chance against the man in his twenties, holding him down.”And this is why you truly run away, isn´t it, Kurt? Not because you feared for your brother, but because you were scared they´d start treating you the same. You are a selfish little slut pretending to be a saint.”

“N-N-no, please.”

His private parts felt funny when Hunter stroked them through his shorts but he clenched his mouth against the noises from his body. His struggle ended when fear, cold and harsh, gripped his body in its iron fists.   
“Don´t worry. I think you have potential and I am going to let it bloom. Just let me take care of everything.”

That night Kurt had been a good boy. Not making a single sound, even as tears had run down his cheeks while his body was being wrapped in ropes and his naked body was being touched by Hunter. He had assumed that this was sex, that he was no longer a virgin, when the man had forced himself into him.

He had kept himself together as he had been broken.

The nonsense now being mumbled as he was fucked did not come close to that first memory. The words just prattled off on his body until the man was spent and then paid up before returning to his life. Kurt only hoped he wasn´t really a Dad that liked making ´his boy feel good´. Not that he could change anything if that was the case. He felt like he needed a check of reality after spending all this time with Blaine.

Kurt was a slut, a prostitute whose life was dictated by other men. Men like Hunter.

His legs only slightly wobbled as he stood up from his bed and put on a crop top made of black fishnet and silver leather shorts. They were Hunter´s favorite and right now he was aiming to impress. Two hours from now, Finn would turn 12 and Kurt would need more time than that to protect his brother. That was the only reason, he told himself again, as his mind wandered back to the side effect being more time spent with Blaine.

On the way to Hunter´s office he already spotted Rachel dressed in a light blue baby doll dress and red ribbons in her Dorothy-esque hair from afar and shook his head. She stood in front of Hunter´s door, a pout on her face he only saw when he was close enough. One would think it not being annoying to see someone willingly suck up to his boss after years but it still made Kurt´s gag reflex kick in.

She gave him a bitchy glare he returned before saying,”Hunter´s occupied at the moment so you just have to wait your turn. Which is way after mine so you might as well tiptoe back into your den.”

Hunter had said he wanted to train the brat out of Kurt so that´s what Kurt would have to give him the chance to do. Driving her mad was a nice byproduct, of course. The outcry from The Bitch was ignored as he barged in and walked up to his boss ´desk. Witnessing Hunter being blown would not have fazed Kurt at any other day, with any other person than the unfamiliar young boy crying and gagging as his mouth was fucked. He could be no older than Finn, possibly even younger since his body appeared fragile and tiny with Hunter towering above him. The boy´s brown hair hung limply over his pale forehead while his skin against the black ropes shone pale. Other than that his body was bare.

Kurt bit his lip, stepping back while conflicting emotions battled for attention. Another flashback was right around the corner because this was him on his knees, sucking cock.  Or it might as well have been because the similarities did not even stop at the boy´s eye color. Kurt felt sick with the sight of himself- no of another young boy. And the emotion he wanted so badly to suppress was jealousy that it wasn´t him kneeling.

“Kurt!” Hunter cooed, not the least bit out of breath which made him feel a twisted sense of joy.”Meet your replacement Caleb.”

Caleb opened his eyes, trying to pear at him, simultaneously trying to hide his body in the ropes binding him. It made him appear even smaller and Kurt´s heart clenched. This was not the time to be jealous for being replaced, not when someone needed help.

“It´s highly unlikely he has had enough training to know how to please you. So maybe you should send the kid out and we can have a great time.”

Hunter  sat down, leaning into his seat before guiding the mouth back to his erection. His hand held Caleb’s head against his lower body until . “Someone´s eager today. Why is that? Ready to regain your title, Lucky?”

Kurt grimaced before getting on his knees in front of his boss, shoving Caleb with his shoulder until the boy crashed right into the carpet. It was an act of mercy and Caleb seemed to understand that because he scrambled away as fast as he could to escape Hunter´s arms recapturing him.

“Now you just displease me.” Hunter growled and tugged lightly on his condom.”Up on my lap and make up for it. Rachel, lead Caleb out and return to your apartment. You are going to have a visitor soon anyway.”

“But-“ Rachel protested, cutting herself off as Hunter moaned because Kurt sunk down onto his dick.

The urge to smirk at her because he had won Hunter´s affection while she had to get lost wore off quickly. Instead he was met with pain as his body was mercilessly driven into the desk by Hunter and the only thing he could do was take it. In moment like those he craved the drugs. At least they would have made him feel better and no thoughts of doubt hatred and satisfaction remained,.

“Squeeze tighter. That is not how I trained you!” Kurt complied, knowing he get Hunter off faster that way. His flaccid cock was luckily ignored in favor off doing it quick and for Hunter´s pleasure only, which was fine with Kurt. The pain was better than the anguishing shame over having enjoyed this. Soon enough it was over but his boss held him close, nails biting into Kurt´s back until he felt wetness trickle down his skin.

 “What is it now? And don´t bore me, I am not in the mood.” Kurt bit back a scream when the nails racked down his body.

”I wanted to ask for a day off tomorrow.” He panted out between kisses .”The whole day plus night and I could make up for it with overtime for the rest of the week.”

The chuckle he heard and felt bode no good and he was lucky he brazed himself before he was lifted and crushed against the tabletop. Lightning stroke in front of his eyes as he watched paper sail through the air above him. He tried and failed to breathe in.

“I warned you not to bore me.”

 “One day, please.” Kurt attempted to encourage Hunter by touching his cock.”You´ll get 80 percent of I´ll make on that day. He ordered me to be there for a long scene.”

That seemed to draw Hunter´s attention at last and he finally let Kurt ease him back into being touched and stroked again. Whenever Blaine smiled, his eyes lit up and wrinkles appeared near his eyes and nose, causing Kurt to feel heat spreading in his stomach. The opposite was the case when Hunter´s eyes stayed cold and unfeeling while his mouth shaped into the resemblance of a smile that promised pain.

“Karofsky booked you and I want twice of what he pays if I allow you to live out that pervert´s fantasies tomorrow.” Cold hands squeezed roughly into Kurt´s windpipe, making it hard to breathe.”And now, I need to start your training to get rid off your nasty little habit of trying to manipulate me.”X

When Kurt returned to the apartment hours later his muscles felt like strings pulled too tight. As if they´d snap and add to the welts and red marks on his skin if he moved too much. There´d be no point in having sex with Blaine now that he was marked and somehow he did not feel as relived as he was accustomed to. Something essential had changed but he did not dare to dwell on it. He´d rather do what felt familiar. Set on a bright smile, switch his skimpy clothes for decent ones that also helped hiding his body and act like the evening before Finn´s birthday was a day he did not feel like shaking and vomiting in fright.

Kurt had it all planned out and yet his plans fell flat when he entered the apartment to find Finn playing videogames with another boy. The smile disappeared, his shoulders hunched and his fists tightened until his skin draped taut over his knuckled before he could help himself. It only lasted for a second because years of training helped him slip back into the façade as soon as Finn spotted him.

“Hey, who is your friend?” Kurt asked even though he knew all too well who the boy was. He had seen him on his knees, sucking cock just hours prior.

“Kurt, meet Caleb. He lives in the complex now, just two floors below ours. Finally someone –“ He broke off, mumbling made up curse-words as his character fought a zombie while Finn smashed the keys.”Someone my age.”

While his brother was submerged in the video game, Caleb and Kurt held a silent conversation just by exchanging looks. There was no doubt that Caleb was scared, begging Kurt not to expose him. Up close, Kurt could see that they were not that similar at all. Caleb´s hair was much darker and longer, his eyes more green than blue, his skin lightly tanned and his features softer with youth. They only shared the same destiny it seemed and jealousy was replaced with worry.   
What if Caleb was the one who would let something slip to Finn? What if he dragged him down into the world of prostitution and drugs that Kurt so desperately fought to keep him from? Even darker thoughts whispered that Caleb would want to try and keep Finn to himself, take over and replace him not only in business but also as part of their little family.

They started quietly but soon turned over and over, twisting until Kurt blurted out, “Great, but we´ll have dinner soon. I think it´s better if Caleb leaves.”

Finn´s character died on the screen because his brother turned to him, mouth agape.”Can´t he stay and eat with us?”

“I am sure Caleb isn´t hungry right now and we´ll still have a long evening ahead of us, remember?”

“I think he can speak for himself.” Finn said with a raised voice.”Do you want to eat with us? Kurt is a better cook than he is a host, promise.”

Kurt never found out if his intimidation had worked because Caleb didn´t need persuasion to decline the offer. He was already out of his seat and walking out while saying, “Another time, bro.”

He bristled at the last word, only relaxing when Caleb had left the place that had been corrupted to many times in the recent past. Why couldn´t they just leave them be? They had enough trouble just being around each other because of Kurt as it was.

The well planned evening did start off with brooding silence, finally broken with Finn´s squeal as he realized that Kurt made his favorite food for dinner. Two stacks of pancakes gone in the matter of minutes and from there on the pre-birthday schedule was kept. A horror-movie, chosen by Finn since that was the only time of the year he was allowed to see something not appropriate for his age, then cartoons to wash away the remaining fear before it was moments to midnight. It was 2 minutes before Finn´s birthday began when they shut down all the lights until the only things illuminating the living area were the two candles sticking out of the giant muffins on the table.

It was a custom they had created back when they had nothing and when the only thing Kurt was capable of giving Finn were a self-made muffin and a candle to make a wish on his birthday. A wish for a birthday spent with a better family and presents and more than a single room with two bunks. When Finn had turned eight he had insisted on Kurt having a muffin and a wish as well and more customs had been added when Kurt had received money for his work.

Now, years later, they were still seated in front of two blueberry muffins, waiting for the seconds to tick to midnight. Kurt watched his brother who intently stared at the flame, back at the clock and then again to the flame until he finally screeched, disturbing the night, “It´s my birthday!”

A chuckle shook his bruised body, the pain barely noticed, because Finn´s eagerness held no limits. He softly pushed Finn´s muffin closer to him.

“Make a wish, buddy.”

“I thought about it long and hard,” Finn started saying, before putting his own muffin next to Kurt´s.”, and I want you to have my wish as well. I don´t need it as much.”

Kurt frowned and leant back against the backrest of his chair.”But it´s your birthday.”

“And I have got everything I wish for. Well except for a Nerf gun but I may have peaked and found one for my birthday so that is taken care of.” He smiled sheepishly.”I am already happy, so you go ahead and wish for some happiness for you as well.”

Kurt hesitated, hovering over the pastries, before closing his eyes and blowing out all the air he had left in his lungs. Exhaling all that was wrong with the world, hoping for a better life. That night his first wish, as always, was the well-being of Finn, that none of his secrets would be exposed and that he´d escape. His second wish, a fleeting thought to quick to get a hold off before he could ban it, was to become happy. Whatever his happiness entailed, because he knew that it was no longer just Finn he pinned it on.

X

His very last resort was to steal the blanket that Finn held so dearly onto. Prior to that he had knocked on the door, tried to wake him by speaking loudly and by poking him. Only the last was successful because his brother immediately curled up against the cold and squinted one eye open to peer at Kurt. Whatever he mumbled next was unintelligible but at least he was conscious.

“Wake up, birthdayboy. I recall you creating a tradition you now need to follow through.”

Finn´s answer was half-choked by the pillow he smashed his face into, “Do I really have to?”

“It´s your birthday and you want to get the great presents I got you and you know the only way to do that is by…“

Finn nodded, slowly sitting up now that the mention of presents had him alert enough to try and get it over with. His voice was croaky with sleep and vocal change and his dancing was getting worse by year as his limbs grew longer but overall he managed to sing the whole birthday song before he plopped back down onto his bed.

“Happy birthday to you.” Kurt ended, clapping eagerly.

It hadn’t been his idea to sing himself his own birthday song but the year Finn had had angina, he had insisted that someone at least sing the song and nobody else did. The shuffling dance had been added over the years and neither would receive presents without this routine. They were lucky that at least Christmas did not entail a similar procedure.

Once the presents were unwrapped, or torn to use a more accurate description, Kurt let himself indulge in the minutes of pure happiness he had made Finn feel. It was as close to happy Kurt could feel as well. That was why he only broke the mood when they were once again eating pancakes in the kitchen a blissful hour later.

“Today I thought we could go to that pizza place you love, then do something in the city and top it with a few rounds in the ice rink?”

When Finn didn´t swallow before replying, Kurt let it be.”Awesome. Can Puck and Lauren come?”

“Actually I was planning to have let you have a small party with friends by the end of the week.” He had hoped to be interrupted but needed to continue speaking when Finn just nodded and kept on devouring his breakfast.”Today, if that is okay with you, I´d like to introduce you to-“He hesitated.”,my boyfriend Blaine.”

The cutlery met the plate with loud clatter while Finn´s mouth fell open at the same time. It made Kurt want to retreat on his plan, before he took a closer, more rational look and realized that Finn was just surprised, not shocked. He actually started to grin soon after.

“So, you´re gay?” Finn wanted to know. He nodded in reply, not wanting to go into details about things he never figured our himself.

Kurt then went on to tell his brother everything he could, giving warnings and information necessary to describe Blaine´s and his relationship, which was again just a bunch of lies, ready to topple off the heap of non-truth. More often than not he had to explain why he lied to Blaine about his social status but by the end of it, while Finn still looked disapproving, he did not inquire more about the situation which was well enough.

“Is …is it really okay for you to meet him?”

Finn halted in his motion of rubbing nutella from his cheek. His teeth while he smiled were smeared with chocolate.”I´ve been waiting for you to let someone else in. And I would love to meet the person who managed that”

“I thought you and me against the world?” Kurt asked.

“I´d rather see you happy.”

X

“So? What´s the verdict?”   
Blaine grinned broadly as his friend Wes approached him in the gallery. They had known each other since high school and their devotion to art kept the bond strong, even now when former friend´s had chosen paths that lead them to separate. With them it was different. Wes owned the gallery they were currently standing in and Blaine had not come here to critique the art Wes had chosen, but to provide moral support. They had learned their lesson when Blaine wrote a critique that Wes thought was harsh, while Blaine was offended of his friend´s accusation and thus it had led them to never let their work interfere with their friendship. Still, Blaine gladly served as an advisor of sorts.

“There are some truly magnificent pieces on display. I am quite fond of Frey´s photographs but they are so unlike you. What made you chose them and put them between the pop art?”

Wes grinned, clapping Blaine on the shoulder and leading him around the huge gallery. “Well, I thought it was time to set a new pace to this. I feel like I´ve been stuck a bit and watching you go through all these changes made me wonder.”

“Early on midlife crisis?”   
“Careful, we are just separated by a single year. If it hits me it will hit you as well.” Wes said.

“Oh, I highly doubt that. Kurt´s love will keep me fresh and peachy for eternity.” Blaine poked Wes´ stomach.”That brings attention to the fact that you are still single since the grand break-up with Justine. It´s high time that that changes.”

It rendered Wes speechless before his mood turned somber.”That is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Great because I met this woman at another gallery and I know she would be-“

“Not about my love life. I know how to handle that myself, thank you very much.”Wes interrupted him. His voice was set in a careful tone when he said, ”It´s Kurt I wanted to talk about.”

Instantly Blaine´s eyes softened at the mention of that name, though Wes´tone made him wary.”Last time you told me to stop when I started talking about how amazing Kurt is and now you want me to continue? I hope you know that in no case I´d allow you to become infatuated with him. Not even for the sake of your curiosity towards the same sex.”

He expected a laugh or a smile at least but Wes remained serious, which in turn downright worried Blaine. They would always banter and if they were not, something was seriously wrong. Wrong with Kurt? Blaine was not stupid, he knew no one was flawless, but love often acted as a great deflective.

“You remember telling me about some of your money disappearing from your place?” Wes wrung his hands.”Before you get angry, I am not saying it was Kurt but maybe you should be open to at least consider him.”

“I can´t believe you.” People turned around then, wanting to know who had been yelling, which led Blaine to give them an apologetic smile before continuing his rant a bit quiter.”Why would it have been Kurt?”

“Who else was in your apartment lately?”

“You! And I am not assuming it was you either because I trust you. The same way I trust my boyfriend.” Blaine said, calmer now but a scowl was still settled on his face and his arms were crossed in front of his chest.”By the way, Kurt wouldn´t need my money so that´s a pointless accusation.”

“From what you´ve been telling me, you have been paying for everything.”

“Yes, because that is what a gentleman does. He insisted on paying on several occasions but you know that I like to take care of people.”

Wes heaved a loud sigh, now irritated as well.”Alright.”

“Is that conversation over?”

“Yes.” Wes answered.

“Great because I feel like having a drink now and you should too.”

Once the wine warmed up his body and cleared the awkward mood, Blaine had not one lingering doubt about Kurt.

He was hopelessly devoted to an illusion.

X

Blaine sweated under his pine-green vest, tugging on the white tie nervously as another costumer brought in the December air as the glass door to Poppa´s Pizza opened and he realized that it weren´t Kurt and Finn. He felt overdressed among large families in reindeer sweaters sharing giant pizzas and kids running and screaming around between the tables with no waiter to stop them. There was no waiter to speak of at all actually and while he had been to a McDonalds or Subway once or twice in his life, he´d rather stick to the classier restaurants. Again, his eyes looked up when he felt a gust of wind and the chair skittered back when he stood up.

 Kurt immediately spotted him, his cheeks red from the cold, snowflakes sticking to his hair and eyelashes and wearing the smile that always dimmed after a few seconds. As if he was afraid that other people could see his love for Blaine. Blaine only grinned twice as much for both of them. Enamored with the beautiful sight of Kurt, it took some time before he spotted Kurt´s brother right next to him. Finn was large for his age, with long limbs and where Kurt was reserved, his giddiness was represented in every gesture, his eyes and his large smile.

“Blaine.” Kurt said, voice breathy.”This is the birthday-boy Finn and Finn, this is my boyfriend Blaine.”

“It´s such a pleasure to meet you, Finn. Happy birthday. I´ve got you something for the occasion.”

The bag of gifts hung in his hands unretrieved but stared at by Finn until the mood turned awkward. “Want to bribe me with this?” He asked.

“No – no.” Blaine´s words jumbled in his mouth.”I just thought I´d, presents, I uhm-“  
He was interrupted by first Kurt, then Finn laughing and blushed as he realized he had been punked. It broke some of the tension at least.

“Don´t worry, I didn´t mean that.” Finn took the bag out of his hands.”Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Kurt steered both of them over to the empty table that had been occupied by Blaine.“Wait til you see what´s inside.”, he stage-whispered.   
Blaine was mesmerized, watching Kurt the whole time as he was unveiled for the first time. Only once, fleetingly, had he seen Kurt this happy and carefree. Moment like that were meant to be captured on camera, to press rewind and fill the need to never let go of it.

“Dude! Laser tag gear? Please marry Kurt right on the spot or adopt me.”

Blaine looked at Finn but still caught Kurt´s shocked expression. He just wasn´t sure if he should be hurt by the shock and what he hoped was not disgust. He hadn´t planned on proposing anytime soon but somehow the possibility that in the years to come he´d do had never been shadowed by doubt. Maybe they didn’t feel the same way but that could change.

“Finn, manners!”

“Thank you, Blaine.” Finn immediately said, voice sincere. He genuinely seemed to be grateful for his presents.”I am not sure I can actually keep them since I barely know you.”

“I´ll hope we´ll get a chance to change that then. How about I´ll tell you what I like and you´ll do the same afterwards?”

“Sure!”

Kurt didn´t interrupt, he only played with his fingers on the table while he listened to them talk. His finger´s still twitched when Blaine laid a hand on top of them and squeezed lightly.

“Alright. I like art of any kind, from photographs to grafitti, the national history museum, singing and performing, swimming, reading and fishing.” Finn looked like a deer caught in the headlights and Blaine added,”And I love your brother.”

“We can totally agree on the last one.” Finn said, before cursing in made up words because Kurt ruffled his hair. They´d get along perfectly then.

X

Blaine would always try to include Kurt when they were at the Star Wars exhibition. He held his hand, asked him questions and bought him his favorite coffee. Still, no conversation between Finn and him was ever interrupted by Kurt. He was just standing there, his body tense while he wore a broad smile and listened to them having a nerd off about characters he claimed he knew nothing about. He loved this family and he was glad he got along so well with Finn.   
Between Obi Wan and Darth Vader Blaine felt Kurt´s hand get clammy and his body tensing up even further and he looked at him to see his thighs clamped tightly.”Are you okay?”, he asked.

“Sure, I just gotta go to the restroom soon.”

“Then go.” Blaine insisted.” Finn and I will be alright. I think we can handle you being gone for a few minutes. We´ll wait for you right here.”

Kurt glanced around nervously, before settling his gaze on his brother who currently pressed his nose against the glass to get a better glimpse of the movie props.”Are you sure?”

“I have got to say that we get along splendidly. And I think I have won the present challenge.”

That made Kurt loosen a bit.”You don´t even know how he reacted when he received my gifts. And don´t pretend you haven’t cheated by buying more presents.”

“May have.” Blaine kissed his cheek, mouth then meeting Kurt´s ear.”But I still intent on receiving my price from you later.”

Kurt gave him a heated look before walking away, his hips swinging because he knew Blaine was watching. When he turned back around Finn was looking at him with a somber expression.

“Enjoying the exhibition?” He asked the boy. ”I am sure the friend who let us in has some free merchandise lying around somewhere. We´ll check later.”

“I know you really love my brother.” Finn stated.”Just be sure to remember that in case you realize that he won´t ever share the secrets he has with you.”

Until then, Finn had seemed like the typical teenager, but right then he appeared to be past his age. His words caused Blaine to shiver despite the heat of a crowded hall.   
“Is that what you have to do, Finn? Does he keep secrets from you as well?”

“I will find out sooner or later.”

“The same goes for me.” Blaine retorted.

The gloomy expression left Finn´s face for the sake of another grin as the boy held out his hand and said, “May the best win.”

“For once, I hope we both succeed.”

X

The now barely stopped falling that evening, flakes dancing through the breezy night before descending on the crowd milling on the ice. Blaine was the only one not totally on board with lending ice skaters so in the end he just bought all three of them their own. Kurt only felt mildly irritated by this, the nervousness in his body managing to overshadow any other feeling. Any moment, he feared Finn would let something slip about Kurt’s lies or Blaine telling something that Kurt had forgotten to mention to Finn. It was a brittle construct, much thinner than the ice his skates sliced through where he stood.

“Come on Blaine, just set one foot in front of the other.” Finn yelled, sliding backwards without a care for the people whose passage he obstructed.”It´s easy.”

It was, for Finn who loved to ice skate with friends and very seldom with Kurt when he had time. He assumed Blaine spent more time inside, critiquing art or drawing instead of facing the dangers of the winter. At least it seemed that way with how he held onto the handles like they were his lifeline. Kurt almost reached out, wanting to support him, before he felt embarrassed for that thought and watched as Finn steadied Blaine.   
“It´s just like rollerblading. Just glide with your left leg and then your right and not too slow because that´s even harder.”

“W-wait!” Blaine screamed when the younger pulled him.”Kurt?” Pleading eyes then turned to him until he grasped Blaine´s free hand and helped pull him along.

“My savior. I am pretty sure your brother wants to kill me with this.”

Kurt felt a bit more at easy now but didn´t dwell on that. He knew that they´d hopefully be too distracted to talk about Kurt´s life at all and the hand in his warmed his body. Until now he hadn´t noticed how familiar he had become with those feelings.

Finn drove off then, but not before giving them an impish smile. It made Blaine laugh and Kurt look at him, allowing himself to admire the handsome sight. He may not be attracted to men after years of his work but he possibly could not deny Blaine´s beauty when even the snowflakes decided to stick to his curls instead of melting.   
“When you come over next time I want to give you something.” Blaine said. Talking only made his skating wobblier.

“Something for Christmas?”

“One of the two things is.”

“What is the other?” Kurt asked. “Or is it a secret as well?”

Blaine stopped on the ice, holding on dearly to him. The other hand had also reached out to keep a vice-tight grip on his shoulder while Blaine´s body swayed dangerously.  Someone passing them muttered ´fucking fags, get lost´ but Kurt only glared at the chubby man´s retreating form before turning back around. The man had seemed familiar somehow but Blaine had distracted him with his shaking.

“I suppose I could tell you-“ They barely made it three more feet before Blaine´s hand clamped down tightly around his before pulling Kurt with it when he fell. Both landed on the ice, Blaine below him, providing a soft pillow to break his own fall.

“Are you alright?” He was asked.   
Kurt sat up on the damp ice, rubbing his knees where they had collided with the floor. They were the only thing hurting and he was more worried for Blaine whose face was set in deep lines.   
“Everything is fine. You caught the brunt of it with me landing on you, it seems.”

“Totally intended.” Blaine smiled a weak smile.”The hero saving the damsel in distress.”

That caused Kurt to swat at him, biting on his lips to prevent an embarrassing giggle to escape.”You caused the crash in the first place.”

“But you still love your hero, right?”

Before Kurt could let out the words feeling feather light on his tongue, Finn approached them. His laugh could be heard even over the buzz of New York, just as carefree as it had been once Kurt had run away with him. Like Kurt had taken on the weight that Finn was now freed from.  
“Oh my god, the kid skating behind me laughed so hard at you falling that he peed his pants.” His brother gasped between laughs. He held onto his stomach, looking as if he wasn´t too far from wetting himself either.”His mother then screamed at him and pulled him out but he still wouldn´t stop laughing. Oh my god, oh my god, make me stop laughing, it hurts.”

“It wasn´t that funny.” Blaine grumbled half-heartedly.

“Yes it was! Kurt´s yelp could be heard from the other side of the rink and you slid across the ice like penguins. Man, it was so funny. Do it again.”

Somehow, imagining the picture Finn´s words painted, made Kurt crack up too. Still kneeling on the ice next to Blaine the laughter burst out of him. He had feared he would be rusty after years of pretending, but it still felt natural and let his tension fade. Blaine joined soon after until they laughed so hard they had to hold onto each other while forgetting their surroundings. Just as Kurt opened his wet eyes he saw Blaine´s face coming closer and his eyelids fluttered closed in anticipation.

“I thought I told you fags to get lo-“ Kurt´s eyes reopened. He recognized that voice now that it was closer and his insides merged with the ice on his knees. He couldn´t move, couldn´t run, could barely hear the next words because they were accompanied by a shrill sound.

“Lucky?” The man asked. Kurt didn´t look up. Maybe this was just a fantasy, because otherwise this was a nightmare come true and the later ones kept piling up lately.

“We have every right to be here and we won´t go just because you are judgmental. Just leave us alone.” Blaine addressed his monster, making it real. He seemed to have noticed Kurt´s stupor since he tried to touch him but was rejected. Not here. Not now. Not when Finn-

The monster didn´t seem to care.“Lucky? Is that you?”

“I´ve seen you in the complex before.” Finn mumbled. He wasn´t supposed to know, Kurt thought.

“Shut up, kid.” The monster skated around so now Kurt had to look at him and outside of Kurt´s workspace, Karofsky seemed more inhuman than ever.”Lucky, what are you doing here? Hunter said you didn´t have time for me tonight but that I´d get to see you tomorrow. Did you stalk me here?” He grinned.

Blaine now pushed himself up with Finn´s help, glaring up at the larger man.”You have the wrong person. His name´s Kurt, not Lucky and now I´d appreciate it if you went along, Sir.”

Karofsky looked confused.”Kurt? That your real name? Sounds weird.”

“Did you not hear me?” Blaine cut in, getting in between the both of them, Finn holding him up.”I want you to leave.”

“Who´s that, Lucky? Are you going behind my back? Is this why you never have time for me anymore?”

Kurt´s blood froze, sticking to his icy insides. His mouth opened, closing when no words came out. He´d have to be quick, solve this before they´d find out. Fear held him in its cold grip and he just sat there, watching it unfold.

“What does he mean by that?” Blaine now turned to him. For the first time, Kurt saw doubt flash up in him and the first crack in the image he had built up of him.

“Does he pay you more? I told you I was saving up to get you out and yet you betray me? Does Hunter eve-“

“Shut the fuck up.” Kurt exploded, anger melting his stupor. He stood up, instantly pushing against Karofsky’s chest. Whatever hand tried to hold him he shook off.”Don´t say another fucking word.”

“Kurt?” Finn asked.

His brother´s voice broke through him but he didn´t let it disturb him. Not this time. Not when he was seconds away from losing everything. When he pushed Karofsky another time his hands were captured and the monster drew him closer to himself, eyes dark with madness. A crowd had now formed around them but Kurt´s eyes could only take in his brother´s angry face and Blaine´s shocked one.

“What is going on?” He heard Blaine ask.”Could someone please explain because I don´t understand.”

“He doesn´t know.” Karosky whispered. It had finally penetrated his thick mind and the fear crept back into Kurt, replacing the anger. He flinched when the man laughed coldly, not yelling loud enough to drown the next words, “They don´t know you´re a fucking prostitute.”

People gasped, yet Blaine and Finn were dead quiet.

“That´s not true. Let go of me you freak.” Kurt tried in vain but Karofsky did not care if people knew that he was a costumer. It was true, he was a closeted homophobe but what he was even more was a sadistic monster that was too stupid to tie shoe-laces and yet smart enough to know how to get Kurt right where he wanted him. With him, alone, left by the only people he cared about.  
“You have the wrong guy.” A defeated whisper came from behind them and a flicker of hope lid up in Kurt´s body when he watched Finn agree with Blaine´s words.

“Jealous of our love?” Karofsky countered, pulling Kurt against his chest.”He is mine. At least he will be once I can pay more than the other men he gets fucked by.”

“Stop-“ Kurt breathed out.

“Let go or I am calling the police.”

It was Finn´s voice that cut through the mumbles and Kurt wasn´t sure if it truly had been his brother because he had never heard him sound like that. It must have been Finn though, because he already had a phone in his hand, holding it to his ear.

Karofsky cursed.“Fuck. This isn’t over, my love. I will see you tomorrow and we´ll talk.”

Kurt felt himself being pushed away and barely caught himself before he crashed. The world started spinning again, reality slamming into him as sharp as the ice would have. The crowd surrounding him broke open as Karofsky broke through them, dispersing until only the persistent watchers remained and Kurt was left breathing harshly and trying to think.

He didn´t realize Blaine had approached him until a hand settled onto his back.”Kurt, what just happened? Did you know him? Was what he said true?”

Kurt shook him off.”Stay with Finn. I need to make a phone call.” He said coldly. Where was the use of politeness when his true self had been unveiled?

“But-“ Finn interfered to then be ignored by Kurt.

“It is true then?” Blaine said with a broken voice.”We really need to talk about this. I am sure you will explain and then we´ll-”

“Stop! We´ll talk, just not when he´s here.”

He sped off across the field, feeling himself cracking as he heard Finn´s call for him. The ice that had kept him from acting then now was what covered him and held him together. He´d have to let it in, now that his life was falling apart and he had no way to hold onto it. He would just have to make sure that when he went down, he didn’t drag anyone with him.

After the third ring, the phone was picked up and a breathy voice answered, “This better be a fucking emergency because Aunty Tana is for once receiving something for auctioning her goods.”

“Santana, I need you to pick up Finn and hide him for some time. I was caught and now I need a few hours…“, _to make sure I am the only one left in ruins_.

“What do you mean you got caught? Did the police arrest your ass?”  
“No, Finn found out and Karofsky is on his way to Hunter to let him know that I just had a little family get together and-“

“Calm your boy-tits! I am on my way.” She sounded gentler now.”Are you sure he knows?”

Kurt drowned the hysterical giggle on his lips.”They know.”

 


	10. Your secrets end up splashed on the news front page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the warnings please. And thank you sooo much for the feedback and the Kudos. Come and say Hi at my Tumblr: Heartstringsduet if you want to talk about anything, this story included. :)   
> Thanks to my Beta: Zohra

Chapter 10

 

This time he felt tired to his every bone. Finn´s screams still echoed in his head alongside the words that Karofsky had yelled for the world to know, mixing and forming new destructions for his mind. In a single minute Karofsky had broken into Kurt´s sanctuary and shattered it because every wall, every piece of furniture was made up of fiber glass and Kurt had been so careful. So so very careful to cover the glass to avoid anyone to see the insides but Karofsky had just pushed him aside, barged in and smashed everything into sharp shards that no one could ever pick up again. He was the reason Finn had to be dragged off by Sebastian and Santana, kicking and yelling. He was the reason he now sat in Blaine´s kitchen, remaining silent. Kurt´s little home was gone and now he was standing on a road that was split in two further ahead.

One road led to a life where he was able to tell the truth and be rewarded with love, a road so tempting he felt pulled towards it. It was just that even from up here he could see how short the colorful journey would be because Hunter would seek them out and then he´d have Finn and Blaine and Kurt, hung up like trophies because that was what a hunter did. Alive or stuffed like an animal, Kurt belonged to him and that leash would never be snapped, would just temporarily slip out of the owner´s hands. It would always choke him nonetheless. Hunter knew by now, Kurt was sure of that, and he would never rest before he could punish the two of them. Even if that was not the case, even if he could breathe and live without being hunted, he had no doubt that this road was an illusion. Telling the truth would only lead to Blaine hating him.

Because who could love a prostitute?

Who could love someone who used his body to make money, to manipulate, to live? Kurt never could love himself, not after everything he had done. At times like these he wondered if he even wanted what those men did to him. If Hunter was right and he asked for it. Either way, he was responsible for his actions and

_who could love a prostitute?_

So he took the darker road. It was easier once he had set foot on it. Making Blaine hate him even more was so much easier for him, even though he now had to come up with another plan for Finn. But he decided to take one step at a time. First he had to destroy a heart.

X

Blaine heard the clock tick-tock, the low buzz of the fridge, the sound when he sipped on his tea, his feet tapping nervously against the floor and most importantly: silence. Loud enough to deafen all other sound when their eyes met and Kurt´s mouth stayed in a thin line. He had tried to talk, had asked countless times to get an explanation of what had happened. Was what that stranger said true? How could it not be if Kurt just watched while his brother was forced into a car by two very promiscuously dressed people. For what other reason would Kurt want Finn gone so badly that he bear through the pain of having to witness his brother´s distress? For what other reason than having to tell Blaine the truth and not wanting his brother to hear because Blaine was not the only one he kept his secret from? That he was indeed a whore, or was he?

Blaine found himself  fidgeting further in his seat. He opened his mouth to ask again, but then remembered how cold and snappish Kurt had gotten and reclosed it. The silence at least gave him time to think rationally about the possibility of Kurt´s occupation being, well, being this. It would certainly explain the extraordinarily great sex they had had. Or the time when he had found a hickey on Kurt´s hip-bone that he blatantly had ignored. It would explain scars and the erectile dysfunction, because Blaine could never imagine what being used like this must do to a person. If Kurt really was a prostitute, how could he be a law student who still made enough money to buy so many expensive things? Blaine wanted to know about everything and yet the biggest question was, what else had Kurt lied about? His heart sped up in fear whenever he considered the possibility of not being loved by him.

That was why he finally blurted out, “Maybe I don´t want to know.”

Kurt looked at him, eyes colder than he ever had seen them. The way his body was positioned displayed arrogance and Blaine almost flinched at the condescension in Kurt´s voice.”Why would you want that?”

“You must have had a reason you hid that from me. You certainly don’t trust me enough and while I am really sad that it's the case I want you to know that I am willing to wait. Just know that whatever you choose to say that I love you. That won´t just change.” He said, instead of admitting how he wanted to lie to himself a little while longer. It was rather hard to pretend though, when Kurt immediately pulled away his hand as Blaine had covered it.

“Kurt, if and only if what that guy at the rink said is true, I am sure we can work it out. If you need a place to stay-“

“I don´t love you.” Kurt said coldly.”I never have nor will I ever.”

Blaine stopped. Stopped everything before it came rushing in and he felt those words impact him and weight him down. Strung along in that order they did not make sense to his ears and yet, even without getting the full meaning just yet, he felt something in his chest clench.

When he spoke he needed to force words out through the giant lump residing in his throat. ”I-What?”

“I have never, ever loved you. In fact, what I feel for you is border lining on hate. God, if I ever need to listen to your pretentious talks about art and about how you totally get me, I may throw up on your pricey Persian carpet.”

“You don´t mean that.” It came out as a plea.

“But I do.”

Kurt´s voice was cold enough to make Blaine shiver and wipe away a tear before it could loosen. He could not accept it. Something had made Kurt act like that and tell those lies. This was so unlike him but maybe the Kurt Blaine knew was the one being unlike his true self.

“Why do you lie to me?” Blaine held on tightly to his chair in case he lost grip on that as well.”Do you think I will blame you for anything? I won´t. If you told me the truth I would still feel the same way. And if you truly never loved me it won´t change the fact that what I felt, what I still feel for you is real.”

Kurt regarded him, eyes showing a tad more sympathy.”Blaine, this thing between us needs to stop either way. I won´t ever see you again so you might as well hear the truth from me before I go.”

“Kurt, please-“  
“I am a prostitute. I have been for a long time and that is the only thing I am. Every night, men will fuck me or let me suck them and I will be paid nicely in return. Every night when I was in bed with you, you had thousands of competitors.”

“Then stop and come live with me.”

For a moment, Kurt´s body slumped and Blaine saw his resolve crumble. This had been a rash decision but he felt how right it was. They could work it out. Blaine would get over the signs of disgust toward Kurt´s occupation once he´d stopped. And even if they couldn´t be together in that way, he would never abandon someone in that situation. Not someone he cared about so deeply that he felt his heart break once Kurt returned to his cold stance.

He laughed, sharp and without humor.”Okay, I didn’t want to do this out of respect for you but it seems like you won´t ever lose your rose-tinted glasses if I don´t. I love sex. It´s why I do this. It feels so good to be fucked by countless men. Every single man who fucks me is a blessing and you just were another fuck with a much bigger tip and a mediocre cock.”

“What do you mean by that? What tip?” Blaine asked, the last comment making him wary. And he really didn´t want to hear more about Kurt´s sex life not including him.

“´Oh, Blaine I have forgotten my wallet, could you pay for this´?” Kurt said in a sugary voice in a mock of a situation that had happened not that long ago.”´Oh, Blaine, you shouldn´t have.´” He smirked haughtily. “People use me for pleasure but I use them for pleasure and money in return, always ending up being the winner. And I knew that you would be such an easy target.”  
“Don´t- please don´t lie.” Blaine whispered, barely holding together.

“You are right, I am a great liar. I convinced you that I am much older, much richer, a law student, and the best scam of them all, that I was actually interested in more than your wallet. Blaine, let´s be realistic for once, shall we? Whatever I said to you, every single line I fed you, was a lie and now that I have no more use for you, you have to understand the truth.” Kurt emphasized every single word that followed. “I used you.”

Blaine stood up, turning around and away from Kurt. How could he look at him? How could he look at him and not want to shake him until he changed his words? How could he not feel such deep hatred if it hadn´t been caused by betrayal? His shoulders shook as his mood swung from anger to sadness. What he truly wanted to do was curl up in his bed, wake up and realize that this was a bad dream. He knew that was impossible though, because even in his darkest nightmares, he could never imagine Kurt looking at him with such indifference as Blaine broke.

“What? Don´t you have anything to say to me? No begging me to stay? Come on, for the right amount I might be bought. For the right amount I can put on a great act, you know that.”

“Shut up!” Blaine finally snapped. His voice was loud enough to startle Kurt for a moment. His body was ready to pounce but he held back, holding onto the kitchen counter.

“Finally a reaction of Mr. Perfect. I take that as a no? What a pity you were a good fuck. Definitely different from a lot of johns who fuck me. I mean if you are into the whole romantic stuff.”

“I said, shut up. I can´t listen to you when you are like this.”

Kurt still smiled. He stood up then, gracefully, as Blaine noted with bitterness. It wasn´t until he grabbed the jacked having hung over the back of his chair that Blaine fully realized what was about to happen. If Kurt walked out now, he had no doubt that this was the last time he would see him. That thought evaporated his anger, leaving him quiet and solemn.

“This is who I really am.” Kurt said calmly, as if picking up the mood.”And I may not be the best human being but I do what I have to do to survive. Finn survives and that is enough for me.”

He put on his jacket and turned around without another glance back, so Blaine tried for the last time, “Kurt, let´s just talk a bit more. I think there are support groups for people like you and I think you need them. I am willing to help you.”

“Why do you still care?” Kurt hissed at him, back still turned.”I broke your heart, I used you. I even fucking stole your money after everything you gave me. I don´t need you. I don´t need your twisted sense of righteousness. I only need to survive for Finn!”

“Then why do you leave?” Blaine walked towards him, running both hands down his arms until he could clutch Kurt´s. His forehead rested between Kurt´s shoulder blades.”If this was an act why do you leave?”

“Huh?”

He didn´t let go when Kurt tried to pull away.”If this was an act, why did you not take my offer to continue the way we were? You could have gotten more money. You could have gotten sex with me. Hell, you know that I would give you the world even now that I want to strangle you for doing this. Why did you steal my own album along with the money when you don´t care a thing about me? Why my aftershave? Why did you kiss me when you thought I was sleeping if you despise me?” He choked on the words, tears spilling onto his cheeks. “Why would you say that you love me when you are asleep?”

Silence battling against two loud beating hearts. Then Kurt broke free and ran through the corridor, away from what Blaine thought was the real truth. Truth that seemed so much harder for Kurt to accept than the lies he told. Hard enough to forever try to escape it.

“You won´t ever see me again.” Kurt said to Blaine who had followed him to the apartment door. Before the crack of the door was fully closed, Kurt said, ”You are better off hating me.”

And that was the last thing he heard from Kurt.

X

**Unknown 10 pm: I will wait for you Kurt.**

**-         Delete –**

X

He pulled at his scarf, feeling as if it restricted his breathing as he gulped in the December air. His throat was dry, heaving in the oxygen it could handle while his legs and chest throbbed. He had run halfway through to his apartment, then taken the subway just to run the rest of the way once he had exited. Every muscle screamed at him but he wouldn´t listen. Listening could do so much damage.

Instead he focused on that rational part that had kept him running and that was focused on Finn. The other part went just as ignored as the pain did. For now he had to make sure that Hunter had not yet found his brother. Not before Kurt could explain. Without knocking, he slipped into the apartment Sebastian and Santana resided in and found Sebastian raising an eyebrow at the intruder. He was currently lying on the couch but seemed alert. Before Kurt could ask about Finn’s whereabouts the man shook his head at him and pressed his lips together.  Someone was in here with them, someone had already suspected them to help Kurt. He was a hunted man.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt saw Santana emerge from the kitchen, wearing an expression non-befitting for her sharp words.”You have gotten us in trouble more than once and I swear if you come here another time I will rip off your man boobs and sell them on Ebay.”

Kurt played along.“What?”  
“I swear, you are more annoying than the Bitch. Why do you always come here when there is a choir for you two right down the street where people want to hear your voices? Once you have your gender transformation, the btich and you can finally be annoying sisters, but only if you promise me not to bother us anymore. ”

The Bitch. She wouldn´t bring Rachel up without a reason. This was a conversation for the purpose of who was listening but she was smarter than just that. She wanted Kurt to know where she had hidden Finn.

“Have you seen Finn? I´ve been looking for him everywhere. Jeff hasn´t seen him either and-“ He broke off, desperation a too easy act for what a crazy day it had been.

“I said, get lost. Bas, bring me the knife, we will make money on Ebay as it seems.”

“Alright, jeez. Just don’t tell Hunter I am here yet. Please, Santana. I´d appeal to your soul but I am pretty sure you lost it.”

“We won’t lie for you if he knocks on our door.” Sebastian quipped in.”But if it´s you, he already knows you´re here, Princess.”

Kurt nodded. So it wasn’t Hunter in here spying on them but Sebastian was right. By now, Hunter had been alerted and he only had so much time. That was why he slammed the door and ran through the hall, turned left, one floor up, second door right. No one was following for now but he supposed it was only a matter of time. Maybe he would get two to five minutes to catch the brunt of it before Finn could be punished.

He hadn’t questioned Santana´s decision to hide Finn at Rachel´s but through his contempt towards her he also reminded her sticking up for his brother. That was enough to assume she had a heart if only for him. It was hard to remember that when she sneered the minute she opened the door for him.

“What took you so damn long?” She snapped. There was no time to respond since she pulled him in by his jacket.

The first thing Kurt saw when he looked for his brother were the giant Broadway posters sticking to the walls and the light tones she had used for her much smaller apartment. Then he saw him and forgot everything else. Finn, sitting on her bed, sobbing so much his body shook. He was not a pretty crier but Kurt only remembered a handful of times he had seen Finn cry like this. One time, several years ago, his brother had told him that he knew it made Kurt sad when he cried so he tried not to. And he had been right, it hurt him how much Finn was hurt. Especially knowing he was at fault.

Kurt walked over but took a seat far away from him. “Finn?”

“He hasn’t said a word since he´s been here. I suppose you messed up?”

“It´s none of your damn business!”

“It is my business when I risk my life to protect your brother, Kurt! I am not a favorite, I don´t have privileges. If Hunter finds us here god knows what he does to me. So yes, it is everyone´s fucking business why you can’t seem to stop getting Hunter´s attention all to yourself. Because people care about you and him and risk their necks while you take it for granted!”

Kurt dismissed her with a hand wave, before he finally let go of the tongue he had bitten down on and admitted, ”I am sorry. I am grateful to all of you for helping Finn.”

She just snorted. ”Never think that anything I do is for you.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Kurt didn’t look at her but he could hear by the softness of her voice that she wore a smile.”I guess I am going to the bathroom and when I return I want you gone. Finn stays here as long as it´s save.”

“What if they find us before that?”

Her face seemed tired but she managed a smile more earnest than he had ever seen her do. He almost understood people who thought of her as pretty. She could be once not looked at through a lens of hatred.   
“If they find us before that I´ll just finally go and pursue my Broadway career. It´s high time anyway.” She said even though they both knew that she couldn´t mean that. Not only were the chances of her succeeding minimal, but Hunter would never let them go. None of them.

“But try not to draw it out, I like my head on my shoulders.”

Then she disappeared into the built-in bathroom and Kurt immediately turned to Finn, staring at the quivering boy while he tried to get the words out. They were not carefully placed yet and he had no clue of what to say, he just knew that he needed them out. As much as it would destroy them, he felt like the grenade had been activated and he had to make sure it detonated now instead of when it was too late to control it.

“Finn?” He said very quietly. ”Are you listening to me?”

His brother raised his head from his knees to look at him through tear filled eyes. His face was red and snot clung to his nose and Kurt still wanted to wrap himself around him. He didn´t, because if he was rejected right then he didn´t know if he would ever stand up again.

“A-are you goi-going to lie to me ag-again?”

“I wish I could.” He watched as Finn´s body was wrecked with new sobs.”But I won´t. Beforehand you have to know that what I did was my own fault. I did it so that you could be happy but I don´t ever blame you and so shouldn´t you.”

Kurt stopped when Finn practically threw himself into his arms, letting himself be shushed by his brother until he cried silently. That was the cue to finally tell his story.

“I didn’t know what I would get us into when he found us freezing on the streets a few days after I ran away with you. You were so small and helpless and I was only twelve, I couldn´t care for you. I knew we were going to die eventually, I even contemplated going back to your parent’s house when the winter threatened to freeze off our toes.” He rubbed Finn´s back as it stiffened.”Hunter found us one night, said he was a hotel owner and he´d let us stay awhile. I didn´t know-. I didn’t know that he would want something in return. I had to work so we had a place to live. Food in our fridge. And before I knew it he wouldn´t let us go. I am so sorry that I lied to you. I didn´t want you to know. Who wants their brother to know that they are filthy scum getting-“

The phase of self-loathing came to a halt before he spilled too much. He still tried to be a role-model in that aspect, even though he was rotten to the core. Until then he had given no thoughts to Blaine but right now he wondered if he was crying to. He supposed he did, Blaine was like that. So naïve and in love until Kurt had stomped on his heart. While they had fought, Kurt hadn´t understood why his heart had hurt as well. It still throbbed painfully in his chest, only intensified because of the shame and pity he felt.

“So yo-you are-?”

“Yes, I prostitute myself.” He admitted, because he didn´t want Finn to say it.

“But he- he forces you to do it, right? We can c-call the police and then we´ll be free to go. We can go live with Blaine for so-some time or something. We will figure it out. I could-“  
“Finn.” Kurt cooed lovingly, even though it pained him to hear such dreamlike possibilities. ”I am afraid it´s not that easy. Hunter is powerful. He has men everywhere, he knows everything he wants to know. He would find us and- we just can´t.”

“We can try!”

Kurt never got to answer to that. He barely had time to turn around when the apartment door banged open, revealing Hunter and two of his goons. Behind them he also spotted people he was acquainted with and his stomach shrunk to half its size. Protectively, he shielded Finn´s body from view, ignoring the loud protest from him. He would fight his own fights. They would never get to Finn.

“Look who is harboring a traitor.” Hunter said lightly, stepping in and closer to the bed they sat on. His goons went to break into the bathroom, dragging out a very quiet Rachel by her hair. ”I admit to that being a surprise for me. Rachel was always such a good little girl. Well, luckily I don´t trust anyone so it was rather easy to snoop you out. You should find friends who have your back, Kurt, instead of handing me a knife to stab you into it.”

Jeffrey, Nick, Santana, Sebastian, Caleb. They were all gathered behind Hunter, looking uneasy. Who had told on him? Was it the whole group? Could he blame them after using them countless times to take care of Finn and be endangered for it?

“I just needed some time to set things straight. Whatever you plan on doing to me, you can. I won´t fight. Just leave Finn out of it.”

 Hunter reached out, stroking stray hair off of Kurt´s forehead. Meanwhile Kurt felt frozen and he didn´t know if it was fear or cleverness keeping him in place. He supposed it was the former one when Hunter raised one hand up and the two goons came rushing in towards them on their cue. He finally knew it was panic when they went for Finn instead of him.

“No!” He shrieked, holding on to his baby brother.”Don´t hurt him! You want me.”

Finn was eerily silent as they pulled at him. In vain, Kurt tried to fend them off until one of them hit his head and he let go while the dizziness .

Finn. Protect Finn. They have Finn!

His head felt buzzed, temporarily making him see only shapes until he understood that they had forced Finn onto his knees in the corner of the room. Bile rose in his throat because he had been in this position too many times to not immediately know what they planned.

“Hunter, make them stop. Not Finn!”

Hunter hugged him from behind, immobilizing him with his arms but Kurt struggled until he heard him whisper, “If I were you, I would stop fighting me, or your brother will learn the same way his brother once learned. What do you think how much cock he can take before he throws up? I know you took up to twenty but I suppose he breaks before that.”

“Please. Not that. Not that. Anything. I will do anything!”

“I know you will take anything for your brother but it´s time that you get punished for your actions in the only way that will truly hurt you.”

“No-nono.” His breathing sped up as his eyes were fixed on their pants that were still up. They had to stay up. Finn lay curled on the floor by now but they could make him do it so easily. They – they-

“You don´t want him sucking cock, do you? You don’t want him being fucked either. What are you willing to trade for that?”

“Everything! Just Just not that. Hunter please, I´d do anything. Not that. Not that!”

“Remember your words. You are responsible for those actions. Everything that will happen from now on is your fault.” He said lowly into Kurt´s ear, voice piercing him. Then he turned to the people watching and yelled.”I need a volunteer. Who wants to reenact childhood memories?”

Kurt tried to comprehend. There was no need to however, because Hunter spelled it out for him.

“I will pay 500 Dollars to every hit Finn receives.”

At first Kurt sat still. Overly still like his heart had stopped beating for once and he was in stupor. Then he fought again but this time Hunter only laughed.

“Oh, Kurt, you have decided, haven´t you? This was the only other option for your punishment so you have to endure it.”

Hunter let out a low moan when Kurt kicked himself free, hitting his stomach with his elbow. He didn´t get far because one of the beast-like men had him on his neck, raising him until his feet kicked in the air. The goon carried him over like this, choking him so hardly that Kurt felt like his throat would give in any second. Dark spots burst in his vision, even as he gulped in air when he had been let go. Hunter cackled near him, like this was all too amusing.

“No volunteer?” He asked then, amusement apparent in his voice.”Let´s rephrase my request. Either you will receive 500  Dollar for every hit, or our little Tom here will do it and I won´t tell him to hold back. We can all bet on how many hits Finn can take before his spine breaks.”

The reason for Kurt´s breathing being labored was a different one now. Panic attack, his rational part told him. The bigger part was busy keeping him in a choke-hold as he tried to keep in grip with reality. No air. He couldn´t breathe and felt like puking at the same time. Finn, he saw Finn, cowering on the ground, just like he had been years ago. No, this is happening now.

“I´ll do it.” Someone said.

Kurt barely understood because he felt like breathing too loudly. And yet he saw someone blonde step out of the group and was too weak to stop him when he towered over Finn.

“Jeffrey, I see it´s a day full of surprises for me. Okay, we´ll start with slaps to his face.” Hunter leaned over Kurt then. ”Isn´t that what his parents did? Slap him for every little thing? Punish him when they were high as kites?”

Kurt couldn´t answer. He needed air. Air he would trade against Finn not being hurt any second. If he could stop them from lifting him up to eye level, from Jeff´s hand striking out and the sound Finn made paired with the sound of skin slapping skin he would. It was his fault. Everything was his fault, Hunter was right.   
He whimpered when he heard another slap before gasping. Something heavy pressed down on his shoulder, weighting like a ton on his brittle back. He didn´t try to shake it off.

 Another slap.

“Enough.” Hunter said and Kurt felt relief until he heard, ”Kev, Tom, take off Finn´s shirt.”

Between gasps for air, never reaching his lungs, Kurt pressed out: ”But-“

He had said- Hunter had said- They wouldn´t- They couldn´t-

“Boss, what do you want me to do now? I won´t rape him. I can´t. Please, it´s enough already. Finn is innocent!” Jeff´s angered voice said, seemingly disembodied to Kurt.

“1000 grant for every hit with a belt to his back.”

“Kurt!” Finn screamed out when the goons shoved him to the ground. Kurt couldn´t see them but he knew every single white scar of Finn´s back that was about to be broken open like a seal. “Kurt, help me.”

The pleas were stopped by a swift kick to Finn´s gut and Kurt was weighted down and forced to watch. He couldn´t turn away, not when his brother had to endure it. The least he could do was watch and try to survive.

Breathe in. Breathe in. Breathe in.

“What are you waiting for, Jeff? You should know best how Tom handles the belt. It´s either your hand or his. Choose quickly, because I am starting to get bored already.”

Like soothing a wild animal, Hunter then petted Kurt´s head, stroking down his sides. It only helped provoking the nausea to the point where he felt like throwing up, right then and there. But first he needed to breathe and watch. Through wet eyes he saw Jeff turn to him, saying something he couldn´t hear. He _did_ hear the belt crack all too familiarly and bit his lip bloody when Finn screamed.

“Do you remember the things his parent´s would say?” Hunter purred gently into his ear. Another loud crack followed by a pained moan build a stark contrast.”´Look at what you´ve done Finn! Such a bad, bad boy! I told you not to touch mommy´s things!´”

As close as Hunter came to the truth, not even he could guess the horrible things they had spat at his brother. Asking why they hadn´t aborted him in the first place. Telling him that they hated him. That he was useless and evil, a crybaby that should learn to keep quiet. Monster!

“D-Daddy, please, I-I´ll be good.” Finn whimpered then when Jeff hit him again, breaking through Kurt´s flashback.

Kurt didn´t know if he had blanked out, but he could not remember how he had landed on the floor, dry heaving before emptying his stomach onto the plush carpet. Guilt drove him to throw up once more when he heard Finn being hit again and noticed that he had hoped that it was over. That he had missed it. Hunter´s loud echoed loudly and he covered his ears when he heard Finn repeat those words.

Those words.

Kurt had been so very good. Good enough to be adopted into a family that was actually nice to him and he had tried his best not to anger his new parents. Their biological son had always angered them and was reprimanded but Kurt strove to be better and they had been nice. Until he stumbled into the attic and found this small, tiny, boy´s back bloody as the belt collided with it.

“Dad,” he had been told to call him that, ”Dad what are you doing?”  
“Dad, please stop! Please stop, please.”

He realized that that had happened years ago. He realized he had been calling out those words long buried into his memory when Hunter´s voice anchored him to the present.

“I think our little Kurt here has learned his lesson. Right, baby? You´ll be very good from now on.”

He looked up, saw Finn, back red but not bloody, lying motionless on the floor. It was his fault. He was the reason Finn was like this now. His responsibility.

“Yes. I´ll be good.”

Energy he hadn´t supposed he still had, helped him to first sit up, then kneel down to Hunter´s feet. His head rested on Hunter´s knee and he was even too powerless to flinch when a hand carded through his hair as reward.

“Kurt, you must know that even though you are good now, you have disappointed me. You wanted to run away with this stranger today.” Kurt was too tired to argue. Hunter had made up his mind anyway, no need to defend himself. ”You tried to betray me. I can´t be betrayed by my Lucky one. Today you have received your first punishment but they won´t stop there. From tomorrow onward you won´t see Finn for a long time. It´s better this way, he just distracts you from what is important and soon he will be preoccupied anyway.”

That made Kurt frigid but he didn´t cut in. Hunter continued in a happy tone, ”You also lose all your privileges, your apartment, the right to go outside your new room and no more nice johns for you. I have scheduled various new appointments with you to keep you in line.”

Kurt nodded. What else was he supposed to do? He had lost a war that had never been his to win.

“Look at that guys. Our little mustang tamed with a beating he didn´t even receive. I think this is a lesson you needed as well. Don´t even think about escaping me. Your lives are mine!”

He found himself nodding again. He couldn´t think now. If he started thinking now he feared losing the last remains of his sanity.

With his eyes closed, he was safe.

X

It had been a little over two weeks.

A little over two weeks and yet every time he was supposed to smile, it still felt like gravity weighted stronger on him than on others and his lips were under force to curl upwards. He kept on doing it though. Blaine knew that if he ever stopped he wouldn´t be able to smile ever again. And life went on, even without Kurt. It was hard to get up, ignore signs of what he had drunken the night before and try to be his normal self day after day, but he did it. There was not a day he did not miss Kurt but he knew eventually that this day would come. Until then, that day had always come but with Kurt he felt like something had been cut loose, now drifting somewhere and he could see a hint off it too far away to recapture it.

Kurt had taken something with him that no amount of money could replace.

The picture Blaine had drawn of him now was hidden under a blanket in the depth of his cellar but he still saw it whenever he closed his eyes. Kurt. Time and time again, he had sat in front of a blank canvas but every time he felt like what he tried to draw was already on it. Blank and empty. That was how he felt and he stood up every time, thinking he had captured his emotions perfectly without drawing one stroke.

Some nights, when the alcohol buzzed his senses, he felt the loneliness turn into anger. In those nights he came so very close to hating Kurt if the smashed glasses were any indication. A white wall splattered in red wine, hot red like his fury. Betrayal pierced him like those shards when he remembered how stupid he had been. All the signs had been there. All of them and he had ignored them over and over again.

And yet, every time he went to bed, right before he closed his eyes, he knew that he had been happy. He wasn´t sure though if this heartbreak could be weighted up in happiness.

Now, forced smile in his face, last traces of last night´s one man party washed away, he opened the door for Wes. His best friend was the only one he trusted in on everything even though he had earned the reaction he had feared. Wes was never one to keep his thoughts private and Blaine felt like he had deserved the verbal brainwashing. He had to because Wes had sat with him while he cried and hadn´t said a word until after Blaine was dried out.

His best friend also was the one insisting on finally going out to do his job again and regain his love of art, which was why Blaine was impeccably dressed for the first time in weeks and almost felt like his old self right before his eyes took in who stood in front of his door.

“Kurt?”

 

 

 


	11. Can you tell me now you´re the lucky one?

**Chapter 11**

**\- Can you tell me now you´re the lucky one?**

"Finn?" Blaine asked next but before he could enquire more about their reason for being here, Kurt barged in and slammed the door behind them.

He checked the door viewer, waiting, waiting until his palms started being sweaty and he finally turned around. Kurt´s eyes would never meet Blaine´s, sticking to polished shoes instead. The alcohol clinging to the air went unnoticed by someone who had grown up serving in a bar, lending his service to drunks in more than one way. What he did notice was how sad Blaine sounded and he closed his eyes against his own pain. It pounded in his motionless muscles, his head and his lungs and his entire lower body.

Two weeks had left his scars on Kurt once Hunter had stayed true to his words.

As soon as Finn had been dragged out by the beasts that fateful day, he had been picked up next and had been far too tired to fight as they carried him into a small, bare room. This room had been his new living space, the blanket the only cushion between himself and the rough concrete floor whenever he lay down to rest.

Every morning, every afternoon, but especially every night, men would come and seek pleasure from him in every way they could. They didn´t give him money, they just fucked, beat and belittled him until they were satisfied and left him finally to wipe away his blood and prepare for the next one. Some of the things they did to him he couldn´t think about without rushing to empty his stomach into the toilet.

Not once had he been able to see Finn and as men continued to use him he felt like losing grip on reality. The more he thought of Finn, dreamt of Blaine, the more he felt like his internal pain mixed with his external until one day he stopped. Succumbed to life as it was now instead of wondering if he had lost Finn for good.

That he was here now still felt like a dream and in his dreams he lived with Blaine and Finn in this apartment and had never gone through a life of prostitution. He was a lawyer, married to an art critic and singer and his brother was about to graduate high school on top of the class. Finn had even aced mathematics. Sometimes he only dreamed of waking up next to Blaine, reaching over to feel his heartbeat under his pale fingertips and closing his eyes again because they were safe.

None of his dreams had been like this though. Painfully realistic in the strain of his shoulders when Jeff and Nick had hauled him to his feet, washed and dressed him and helped him walk past the knocked out goons at his door to the elevator. The whole time they hadn't shared a word but Kurt had been certain that this was just another trick. They had betrayed him once. Hands that had beaten Finn were now supporting him as they hurried into the kitchen at the back of the bar. While the bar was kept clean, the kitchen was littered and dirty, befitting for Hunter´s business.  
Kurt would have protested, would have let his aching legs finally give in under him if it hadn´t been Finn waiting for him at the backdoor of the kitchen.

His Finn, alive at least, even if he couldn´t possibly be well. Despite the ache, despite the fact that Finn must be disgusted by him, Kurt embraced him, arms pressing the slightly smaller body mindful of his injuries, but Finn was alive. He was alive and Kurt had so little time to spend with him. A tear slipped down his cheek when he felt his hug returned just as urgently, telling him that maybe Finn was willing to forgive him.

"A truck with food and drinks will arrive any minute and they´ll take you with them to any place in and around New York City." Nick said, Jeff very silent behind him."Don´t worry, they won´t tell on you."

"We don´t have anything with us." Kurt whispered, still not letting go of Finn. They only had each other and once he thought that was enough but life had taught him better. It was winter, they wouldn´t survive more than a week.

"I packed a few of Finn´s and your clothes and things." Finn was handed a small backpack by Nick that he held in his hands instead of putting it on his back."We can only provide you with a bit of food so you better find a homeless shelter far, far away. By the end of the today he will be on your trail so you have got to be quicker than that."

The sound of a vehicle pulling up could be heard in the silence of the break of dawn and Finn froze in his arms. Instinctively, he remembered how it had always soothed Finn when he stroked the short hairs at his nape and he found himself repeating long lost rituals. It had been such a struggle not to crawl over to his brother after they had done that to Finn. Jeff had done that but he had to remind himself that it had all been his own fault. He was to blame.

Nick and Jeff quietly opened the backdoor for whoever had arrived before turning back around while strangers started bringing packets into the kitchen, completely ignoring them. Those were the guys giving them their freedom, Kurt realized and his nose wrinkled as he felt mistrust seep in. Why would they help? No one had ever helped them.

Except here two guys stared at them who risked their lives by being here. Maybe through all the unfairness in his life, Kurt had overseen all those who constantly helped him. Santana, who would always wash their clothes. Sebastian who always bought new comics to give to Finn and gave Kurt their leftovers to eat whenever Kurt ran late. Jeff who had watched over him when he had been bedridden the past winter. Nick who always let Finn win when they played Mario Kart. Even Rachel, as much as they hated each other and as often as she got him into trouble, had left some cookies at his door every Christmas since she arrived and they were heavenly. Most importantly, they cared for Finn and that was why they were the closest he had over come to friends.

And he trusted his friends.

"Uhm, we all saved up to give you this." Jeff quipped up. He barely dared to look at them. The hand he had reached out, holding a white envelope, shook slightly before Kurt entangled himself to grab it."It´s not much but it will get you to Jersey and feed you two for a month or two."

"You finished?" One delivery guy interrupted. Despite his clipped words he sounded gentle.

"You should go." Nick said.

Kurt bit his lips and nodded. He really wanted to thank them, hug them and ask them to come and flee with them. The goons they had knocked out would surely report on them and Hunter was nothing but ruthless when it came to betrayal, they had witnessed that just weeks ago. No words left his mouth though.

He just looked at them one last time, his eyes moist when they smiled at him. It was time to go. At the delivery men´s instruction they climbed into the back of their truck and were submitted to ink black darkness once they had shut the heavy metal doors behind them.

The hand Kurt had held in his for several minutes tried to let go but he wouldn´t let it. The weeks without Finn had drawn on him, how could he let go now that he finally had him back?

"Finn, please, say something."

Finn stiffened but this time Kurt couldn´t reach into his nape. He didn´t know where to reach for him in the darkness. "I am alright. Are you?"

His brother´s voice sounded as metallic echoed in the truck as had his. Kurt found no comfort in those words.

"I know you say that but are you really? What has Hunter done to you? Did he-?" He started again after his voice had cracked."Did he force anything onto you? Did he touch you?"

The volume of the truck´s wheels made it almost impossible, but Kurt still picked up,"He just hit me a bit more and told me more about you?"  
"Like what?"  
"Like how he has tapes of you getting,…, by men. He said he wanted m show me. He told me how your first time-"  
"Okay!" Kurt yelled."Enough."  
"Are those lies?"

It took him much longer to answer that. He wanted them to be lies so much he sometimes convinced himself that they were.

"No, it´s the truth I suppose." Kurt answered finally."I am not proud of it though. That is why I needed to take you away from there. I didn´t want that life for you but I was powerless. We needed the money and I had you to protect so-"He trailed off.

Kurt was still powerless. Right now they drove away from the complex without a direction and Kurt wondered if they would ever be asked for one. If they did, what would he say? He didn't know anyone but people working for Hunter in New York. Anyone but Blaine. The plan then forming in his head was very, very flawed, probably insane for the lack of a better word. Still, there was a chance that Hunter was satisfied of his return to forget about the boy he had never liked in the first place.

"I want you to stay with Blaine from now on, Finn."

"Won´t Hunter find us there?"

Kurt let his head sink onto his bend knees. This time he needed to tell Finn beforehand even though he knew they´d fight about it.

"Not if Blaine takes you to his brother´s residence somewhere in the Hamptons, while I return to Hunter-"  
"No!" Finn loudly interrupted."I won´t let you go back there!"

Kurt sounded as defeated as he felt."You don´t understand how dangerous Hunter is. He found out where your parents live. He found out the time I tried to go and jump off our building. He knows things and he will find out where we are and the punishment you received for me the last time will seem small in comparison to what he will do this time. This time we really try to escape his clutches and there is no way of knowing if we can ever recover from what we´ll do. That is why I need you safe. Believe me, whatever he does to me I can live with as long as I know that you are alive and free somewhere."

"But I want you safe as well!"

Finn was crying and Kurt could do nothing to stop it. There was no magical cure to all their problems and the sooner Finn realized that, the better. Gently he felt for his brother, knowing his every shape, until he was wrapped around him.

"I have been forced to do so many things for many, many years and yet the hardest thing will be letting you go."  
"Th-then don´t."

"I have to. If Blaine takes you in you will have to behave yourself, alright? He is a very decent guy and I think you will both get along. I think he is a much better role model than I ever was but please, promise to think of me whenever you eat mediocre pancakes? And to do your homework before going out with friends? And use protection once you found somebody you love?"  
"No! I won´t! You have to come along or I won´t behave."

Kurt almost chuckled because this conversation felt very familiar to him. That feeling was gone as quickly as it had appeared before he told the biggest lie he had ever told, "Finn, if you do this for me, I will promise to break out soon and find you. If some time has passed, maybe I can even buy myself free and join you and Blaine. I promise I will. I promise!"

He had known how impossible keeping a promise like that was but that hadn´t stopped him from telling it. It had done it´s purpose, had convinced Finn to go along with his plan even though there was still one man that could blow it all up in seconds. That had never stopped Kurt from showing up at Blaine´s door on this early Thursday morning and blurting out what was meant as a request.

"You need to take Finn and hide him in the house in the Hamptons!"

* * *

"What?" Was the very elaborate question Blaine blurted out."I don't-. What?"

"I said that you need to hide Finn in the Hamptons."

He shook his head, hands curling in around his sides. Seeing Kurt here felt like he prodded at a raw wound, reopening the scabs. In the first second when he had seen Kurt, he had deluded himself into thinking that he had returned to him. He had felt happy if only for the moment he believed in the illusion.

This was not the Kurt he had fallen in love with.

That sentence had become his mantra over the last weeks. Reminding himself of this over and over had helped over the loss by turning it into anger. Anger he could deal with. Anger did not make him sit in his bed, staring at the ceiling with neither the power nor the will to get up and do anything. In the contrary, the stains on his wall acted as testimony for what loss and betrayal would look like. It was the only art he had created lately and the ugliest one yet.

"Yes, I understood that acoustically." Blaine hissed with all the rage he had not felt the last time they had seen each other."What I have a problem with is you just showing up here after saying that we were over and that I was better off without you. And for what? For what, Kurt? For asking me the most atrocious thing anyone could demand from someone he has lied to and stolen from?"

The smile Kurt wore was best described as rueful but unwavering."Basically, yes. I lied, I have never loved you, I stole and now I need you to take care of Finn. Do you think I would have come to you if I had anywhere else to turn to?"

"Now why would I do that? Why would I do anything for you?"

"Because if you don´t, he will find Finn and kill him. If he is lucky, he will have mercy and kill him and if not-. If not he will end up like me."Blaine took a step back in surprise when Kurt simply slid down the door, his limbs shaking.

For all he knew, Kurt was a great actor but Blaine had never claimed to been immune to it. His heart still softened as ears took in Kurt´s broken voice, when his eyes watched Kurt´s lips, reminded of how they felt against his and how Kurt would look at him when he was unaware that Blaine would look back. Suddenly the stains on his wall seemingly lost their meaning.

"Kurt," He approached him carefully."You must have known that I couldn´t just do that. I can´t just take care of Finn."

"You have to. You have to. He is all I´ve got."

"I really can´t. I have a job in New York, friends and family. How should I explain suddenly having to take care of a kid neither of them ever heard a word of? You must see where I come from, right?" For now Kurt didn´t cry but Blaine gave him a tissue nonetheless, making up for the comfort he physically could not provide."What I could do is try and find a shelter for you both in due time. The workers there are forced to remain silent about your whereabouts, right? That way you would both be safe from any harm and I´d be able to support you if you wanted me to."

Kurt glared at him when he tried to help him up before standing up on weak knees himself. "You would never pay the amount to buy us free from his clutches and he won´t stop chasing me. Finn, he might let go if he can punish me accordingly, but I am of value to him. Believe me, he will find me."His shaking finger closed around Blaine´s wrists. "So please, you are the only one I can turn to. The only one I confide in enough to entrust him with Finn."

He let go to pull something out of the back pocket of his faded blue jeans. In Kurt´s hands, clutched like a lifeline, was an envelope he persistently pushed against Blaine´s ribcage now. It was opened and wrinkled after it´s rough treatment in Kurt´s jeans pocket but Blaine could clearly see dollar bills through the slit.

" That is all I have with me now and it won´t cover the expenses-"  
"Kurt, I really can´t take him in."

"You have to. Please, please, you have to do this for him." Kurt said hysterically.

In turn Blaine´s body throbbed with pain, stomach clenching and heart racing as he tried in vain to capture Kurt´s tears with his thumbs. It was just like it happened in his dreams. Kurt was always close but faded once Blaine reached out. The bills pressed to his chest crinkled whenever he tried getting closer, finally capturing his attention. It couldn´t be more than 5000 Dollar and that was a very high estimate, considering Kurt´s occupation.

"It won´t be for long." Finn interrupted then, saying something for the first time since he arrived."Kurt has promised to return and get me as soon as this blows over. This is just until he feels I am safe."

Blaine dazedly took the envelope out of shaking fingers as he finally looked at Finn."You could be safe in a group home, Finn. We´d find you somewhere further away from whoever you are scared of, but I am afraid it´s impossible for me to take you in even if I want to."

"He is not safe with people whose secrets can be bought." Kurt interrupted.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Blaine regretted them. They were not at all what he thought, or they didn´t belong to the person he strived to be. Still, they have impact on all of them.

"You would know all about being up for sale!" Blaine bit his lip, swiftly adding,"I- Oh my god. Sorry that came out wrong."

Finn was the first to react to the words before Kurt could. It was not a reaction Blaine would have expected but soon enough Finn´s soft upper body was revealed and for a second Blaine thought that this boy also had chosen to prostitute himself and was about to make an offer. He couldn't say he fully grasped it even after seeing what Finn meant to show him. The horror of it shut up all of his senses but he couldn´t look away from the red welts crossing Finn´s back.

"This is nothing. For him this was just a mind game created to torture Kurt." Finn´s voice was lifeless and he didn´t turn around so Blaine never averted his eyes."I know it is too much for us to demand but you love Kurt. Aren´t people supposed to protect the ones they love, like Kurt wants to protect me? Do you think you´d be able to get up and look in the mirror, knowing you´d abandoned him?"

Blaine gasped for air and stumbled back a step. Kurt regarded him with tears in his eyes, his whole posture begging and pleading Blaine to give in, not knowing that Blaine had already been pushed over the cliff. Right now, he only needed to make sure he has a functioning parachute before he would crash.

"I´ll take you in on if you meet my conditions." He finally breathed out and it was a bit easier seeing Kurt light up for him.

Kurt nodded and said, "Of course, whatever you like. Thank you, I just can´t—"

"We will stay here in New York in this apartment and will only go to the Hamptons for the next month. I can´t afford to lay off my work any longer but I will make sure to keep him safe and inside as much as possible. The second thing I demand is for you to return here as soon as you possibly can without risking your life or his. Then you will tell me the whole truth, your story and I will listen to it before we can decide where to go from there."

Once it was out, a weight lifted from his chest and he could see it lift from theirs as well. Finn gave his brother a concerned gaze, as if not sure if Kurt would agree with those terms but Kurt´s face had already hardened again and painfully slowly, he nodded.

"Okay, then I will give you two time to say goodbye and when you are finished I will show you my spare room you can move in, Finn."

It was all he could do for Kurt now, he thought, as he left the room to put away the alcohol before Finn could see that Blaine was not at the peak of sanity himself right now.

* * *

Saying goodbye in the truck had been the hardest thing Kurt had to do. Saying Goodbye for the second time, a time he never thought he´d get, was possible even harder.

Finn hadn´t cried, hadn´t clung to him and in that moment when he needed to let go he finally understood that this was no longer a boy. That life had raised him more than he had ever had the chance to. It was him now, holding on tightly and whispering how much he´d miss him because he was the only one not sure if this was the last time. The Lucky One now hopeless.

"Don´t forget to brush your teeth, even on the weekends when you just want to watch cartoons. Don´t just nibble on something before putting it away, just eat it. And be nice the whole year through, not just a week before your birthday and Christmas." He whispered into Finn´s neck, needing to add more thing to the list he had created in the truck.

Finn shushed him."I promise. I will also eat the vegetables before the dessert and wash my hands before every meal if you only promise to be okay. Don´t let Hunter hurt you!"

"He could never hurt me. Not as long as I know you´re safe."

Finally, he heard Finn sniff and noisily snivel."When will you be back?"  
"As soon as it doesn´t kill me trying." He replied honestly. "So don´t get to comfortable here."

Finn looked up at him after he put a small distance between their tightly locked bodies."Is Blaine a nice man?"  
"The best man I know next to Nick."

"Better than Sebastian as well?"

"Sebastian is probably better at keeping you up at night and kicking your butt in video games but I know that Blaine will love you unconditionally. Even if that means he won´t be a good cook, story teller or nerd as the people you know are."

"Is that why you trust him? Because he loves you?" Finn asked.

Kurt frowned. It was possible that Blaine was eavesdropping and later he could convince himself he would have to say it to make sure Blaine was treating his brother right when he said,"Yes."

Time would not stand still for them. Instead it ripped on Kurt´s consciousness until he finally pressed a last kiss after the previous one on Finn´s forehead, and hugged him a bit too tightly. "I will always be with you, even if you won´t always see me."

Finn snorted through his tears."Is that a Lion King quote?"

"There never is a time where Lion King does not fit the situation!" He leant in and squeezed him to his chest a last time before gently leading him to the room he knew was Blaine´s spare one. He couldn´t look at Finn, or he´d never leave so he stared at his shoes instead.

The question that had kept him up at nights or let his dreams be riddled with nightmares finally popped out against his will. "Do you hate me now, Finn? Do I disgust you?"

Finn immediately jumped right back into his arms."What are you saying? I could never hate you, ever!"

"Promise you won't forget me." Kurt asked.

"I won´t forget someone who is gone for a year!" Finn replied in determination, not knowing that that only broke Kurt´s heart in pieces. At least leaving was easier now that he knew that eventually, in many years to come, his disappearance would no longer affect Finn.

He almost stayed when he heard Finn call his name once he had shut the door behind himself but he made it through. Just a few more steps and he´d be out of their apartment and out of their lives.

"Won´t you say goodbye to me?"

Splintering like his glass house, his resolve cracked on another spot, threatening to collapse. It was easier to say goodbye to Blaine, he knew that. It was the both of them that made each step away an inch long instead of a mile.

"Thank you." Kurt said without turning around."No one else would forgive me so easily and take in my brother. I would let my body repay you in the only way I can but I really need to leave now."

Unfazed by the comment, Blaine answered, "I just wanted you to know that I still have your Christmas present if you want it?"

Christmas?

Right, he had missed Christmas in a blur of men receiving him as their present. Away from Finn who had not said a single complaint about the lack of presents, candles and cinnamon pretzels this year.  
Kurt took another step away from the situation."Give it to Finn."

"Finn will have no use for it."

"Where I´ll go I won´t have use for it either."

The sound of movement went unheard by Kurt but he noticed Blaine´s voice being closer now. He still didn´t turn.  
"Can I ask one last question as a favor from you?"

"Should I tell and kiss to make it more interesting?" Kurt inquired cheekily.

He hadn´t expected to be swirled around and feel Blaine´s lips on his. This was no longer him lying, no longer pretense and he noticed with wonder how Blaine´s kiss could still make his breath suck in and the heat buckled his knees.

"I don´t need to ask anymore, since I know that your lips already gave me the answer without speaking."

Dazedly Kurt stumbled back, colliding with the door. His hand desperately tried to cover his cheeks filling with blood but he only felt them heat more when Blaine stole another kiss.

"I-" Kurt tried and was interrupted by lips."I need to leave."

Blaine´s pupils were blown, leaving only a small ring of honey that were his irises. Kurt gulped when he was kissed again, no longer fighting it since this was his last chance of happiness and maybe he did not have the right to it but that didn't mean he couldn´t give in to his greed.

"I love you, Kurt." Blaine breathed again his cheek."I am the biggest moron in the world for it, but I love you."

"I will never forget what you did for me." Kurt replied after some time.

Blaine shook his head but his lips were set in the tiniest smile. His heart soared when Blaine came closer and stayed up when he felt the warmth of a scarf settle around his throat that Blaine had taken from the hook on the door. It smelled strongly of Blaine´s cologne and deeply imbedded was the sting of fresh paint.

Blaine looked deeply into his eyes and his hands were still pressed between the fabric of the scarf and Kurt´s throat. He had to feel Kurt´s pulse flutter.

"This will shield you from the cold wind. Stay safe, Kurt!" Blaine said and both of them knew that he no longer talked about the weather.

"You should learn to make pancakes, because they are the easiest way to tame Finn."

"I don´t think I will." He stole another kiss."That way you would have to return before he turns havoc."

Kurt felt the hint of a smile and let it happen. It was the only thing except for their last kiss he initiated before he finally turned his back from them and left.

* * *

Blaine´s head spun with all kinds of emotions having broken free from the shackles. The chaotic last two weeks seemed to have no lasting effect if what his life was now was any indication. His lips still tingled where they had explored what he didn´t think he´d ever find again. Truthfully, he was not in love with the idea of sheltering a teenager, not even if he was the brother of the person he stupidly had fallen for. Still, he had taken him in because he´d never be content with being a man who´d abandon someone in danger.

A small part of him, a part he denied even though it was as loud as his fluttering heart, also hoped that it would bring him closer to the truth of Kurt. It was ridiculous to assume that Kurt was the same man he had acted as but he wasn´t the malicious beast he had made himself appear to be either. This in between, this new Kurt, Blaine hoped to understand, but for now he would focus on hiding a minor in his apartment.

Lightly, he knocked on the door frame before entering the room he had meant to be for guests who visited but was now to become a permanent solution for Finn. It was plain with its two single beds and a small cupboard but it was a bit livelier because of the lush forest Blaine had painted on one of the walls. It was a bit old fashioned for a twelve-year-old but it´d do once it was filled with Finn´s stuff. For now the small bag Finn had held clutched in his hands for the whole time laid unopened on the bed he sat on.

"How do you like the room? I am sure we can redecorate in the coming months but-"

"We need to call 911!" Finn screamed, leaping to his feet."Right now before Hunter can hide Kurt!"

Blaine gaped openly when Finn started to shake him from his stupor."Wh-What?"

"Call 911! You need to tell the police that it is not an apartment complex! That Hunter is forcing people into prostitution and then they will free all of our friends and all of us are safe!"

"Complex? What complex?"

"Not a complex! He just claims it is but actually it´s where the prostitutes are forced to work."  
Blaine tried to clear his head as it glued all the new information to a picture he´d be able to see. Frankly, he had assumed Kurt to work on the streets, waiting at night for clientele that would use their cars as beds. Instead he was a prisoner in an illegal brothel.

"Okay?" He took a deep breath."You are telling me that you are sure that Kurt is forced to work like this? Because if he´s not he´d be in danger of violating law and if we call the police now there´d be a chance that he´d get arrested."  
"At least he´d be safe!"

That was what did it, made him listen to the whereabouts of this ´apartment complex´ and lastly he also learned something he had overlooked the whole time. It filled in the gaps of the mystery and after he explained everything he knew to the police, he called for his town car to drive him to him.

To Kurt  **Hummel**.

The whole drive was spent listening to the story of a stranger told by Finn. It´s what he convinced himself to believe because if that had been Kurt´s life, Blaine would not be able to stay strong. He was not a survivor like the boy next to him was. All he could do was try and prevent history from repeating.

* * *

" "Hunter Clarington? NYPD, we'd like to ask you a few questions due to an allegation concerning your establishment."

Hunter looked up from the documents neatly stacked on his desk. Silently stretching, he felt the anger losing its claws as he saw who had entered the room alongside the two cops. Finn cowered near the door, his body shaken by the fear Hunter had fueled in him over the past weeks and it filled him with joy that he could now reap the benefits of it. He was in charge over the situation and he felt his penis stir because of it. The man Finn now hid behind was not at all what Hunter had expected, all soft and well-mannered even under his scrutinizing gaze. Defiant towards the tiger until Hunter could sink his fangs into him to force him into submission. It was quite refreshing, like his Kurt was on the inside. Hunter always spotted his resolve, his strength, even when Kurt was bound and at his mercy he had this look like nothing could ever break him even if his body turned to ruins. If that there was the man Kurt had run away to, Hunter was not impressed.

"Police?" He took off his reading glasses and leant back as if shocked by their appearance."I am not sure that I know what anyone would accuse me of doing, so I'd appreciate a bit more information before I discuss finances with you."

"You have Kurt!" Finn shouted before he was shushed by the stranger.

"We have been informed by Mr. Anderson here that you use your building as a brothel, which of course is illegal in New York. He said that you hold the kid´s brother and other people hostage and force them into prostitution."

Hunter started laughing loudly, befitting his act but mostly because of how the stranger now resembled a kitty whose fur was standing. It was ridiculous that he believed that Hunter was that easily defeated.

"I am sorry." He said between laughs."This is just too good of a story to not laugh about it. Who made you tell it, kid? Do you get paid for saying that?"

"Liar!" The stranger hissed but the police ignored him.

An officer regarded him with a knowing grin. "So you deny any allegations?"

"Of course I do. I earn my money fair and square and you are welcome to look into my files of the last few years that show how I make my money. With renting out apartments and a licensed bar, you see. It´s safer than a brothel I assume but I wouldn't know."

"Then why would we call the police?" Anderson screamed, his manners abandoned for his frustration."Where is Kurt?"

Hunter knew where Kurt was, he had just been talking to him after he had received the call from his friends from NYPD that had warned him before sending off people he knew were on his side from the beginning. All this acting wasn't even needed but he simply liked to put on a show to play with people´s minds. It was so much more exhilarating than to play with their bodies but it was having both that made him feel the most powerful.

"I suppose Mr. Hummel is in the apartment he rents." Hunter said, feigning nonchalance.

"While Officer Daniels goes through the files you show him, may I ask if you are willing to show me around? It would show your truthfulness."

"Do you have a search warrant? If not, I am afraid it would be very unfair of me to abuse my power and let you barge into apartments people own."

Anderson was glaring at him now, body poised as if to jump over the desk and squeeze the truth out of him. It only made his cock harder.

"He is just scared of you getting close enough to hear what is truly going on behind closed doors." Anderson spat.

If only he'd be able to see the laugh one cop tried to suppress, he would know that he had begun a lost fight the moment he dared to go against him.

"Mr. Anderson, we are not allowed to search through the building and right now, your word is against his. His finances back up his side of the story while we only have your allegation to go on without further proof."

Finn now stepped up, eyes still averting Hunter and body slightly shaking but his voice was strong and his hands were in fists."You would have proof if you found and asked Kurt Hummel!"

That was the cue he had been waiting for and his smile broadened when he saw realization dawn in Anderson´s eyes.

**Check.**

Hunter retrieved his phone from where it was locked inside a drawer to his left."I will gladly call him up, just give me a second."

"No, wait!"

"Have you changed your mind, Mr. Anderson?" A cop cut in."I am to inform you of consequences if your accusations turn out to be false."

Anderson shook his head, his lips pressed tightly and Hunter in turn felt satisfaction over an easy win wash through him. With a sugar sweet voice he asked Kurt to his office over the phone, all the while watching as Anderson fretted. The man knew this was a set up now but Finn didn't. Hunter saw it in both of them as Kurt entered the room a few minutes later. Finn was elated, his eyes glowing and finally calm because he thought his savior had arrived while Anderson immediately sprung to life after the time he spent in silent brooding.

"Kurt! Please, you have got to tell the truth! Whatever he threatened to do to you he won't be able to do once he is in jail." One of the cops stopped him from approaching Kurt, following the instructions Hunter had given them beforehand."I will keep you both safe, I promise!"

For a second, Hunter froze, seeing how longingly Kurt looked at the pathetic people he had chosen to be in his life. If Kurt broke now it would still not be very harmful to Hunter but then he would have to make sure that Anderson and Finn would be kept quiet for good and that could easily be prevented by Kurt´s total submission.

"It is lucky that you have found the time to come so quickly, Kurt." Hunter said and calmed as Kurt finally looked at him and remembered their trade-off. A lie for Finn´s safety.

With delight he watched as Kurt let out a yelp before putting as much distance between Anderson and himself as he possibly could. His face was ashen and he cowered down in the corner of the room.

"Get him away from me." He whimpered and while Hunter knew that he was the only one Kurt wanted to get rid off, his fingers trembled into the direction of Anderson and his brother."Please, don't let him near me."

"Kurt? What is wrong?" Finn asked with a broken voice but was not allowed to get any closer to his brother.

The other cop crouched down in front of Kurt. "Mr. Hummel, please calm down and tell us what is wrong. We are here to help and protect, you can trust us."

"He - he-" Kurt pointed at Anderson again."He abused me and always follows me wher-wherever I go. He even found me here now. No place i-is safe from him. I-I-I am so scared, take him away!"

Anderson stumbled back but the cop quickly had him pressed against the wall by his shoulders. With two shows going on, Hunter´s attention was divided but as always he ended up looking at Kurt. His sweet, great Lucky One, doing better than he had ever expected. Tamed and submissive for his true master.

"Stop lying, Kurt!" Anderson screamed now."He forces you into prostitution and threatens your brother and that is what you need to tell them. Please, don't be scared to tell them."

Kurt let out a bitter huff."Is that what you told them to get to me? That I sell my b-body? That this boy behind you is my brother? Where have you picked him up, at an actors school? You are so sick! You are sick and you need to just get out of my life for good, psycho!"

Hunter watched Blaine stop struggling as he finally admitted his defeat and Finn stood there still and unblinking. The cop still crouching looked at Hunter with a knowing smirk before placing a hand on Kurt's leg. He would get to explore much more tonight as a reward but Hunter did not argue when the man let his hands slip down Kurt's thigh. He knew what a tease that boy could be.

"Are you saying that all the accusations made by Mr. Anderson are untrue?" He squeezed and Hunter watched Kurt squirm in turn.

"Oh-oh my god, of course. I just rent a place here to live. Every word out of his mouth is a lie. Do I look like a prostitute to you?"

"Of course not, Sir." The cop´s hand slid lower but he shielded Kurt to make sure that the people behind him wouldn't see."Does either of you want to make a report against Mr. Anderson?"

Hunter stood up then, calmly walking over to where Anderson was pinned. "His accusations are so laughable that I don't think it is necessary to report it. I´d be glad if you removed him from my premises and away from this poor man."

Anderson glared at him in challenge, but once he heard Kurt speak he lowered his eyes and slumped even further.

"I just want him gone! Just take him and that kid out and tell him to leave me alone." To most ears, Kurt just would have sounded angry but the strain in his voice told Hunter that the cop had not stopped his interrogation of Kurt's lower body. It sounded like music to him.

"Right, we will escort them out and make sure they stay away." The other cop said roughly, forcing Anderson around so that he could put his hands into cuffs."We are so sorry for interrupting your afternoon gentlemen. If either of you changes your mind towards him you can call the police and we will arrest him. Clark, come on!"

Clark didn't get up for another few seconds and a hushed promise to return just in case Kurt needed him before joining his partner by grabbing Finn by the back of his jacket.

"Kurt?" Finn asked again. "Kurt why are you doing this?"

"Come on, you have done enough damage." Clark said with the hands having touched Kurt now sliding to Finn´s lower back as he walked him out.

"Kurt! Please don't leave me alone! Kurt!"

"Shit." The cop cursed as Finn slid through his hands and ran towards Kurt. He almost made it, Kurt almost opened his arms for him but Hunter obstructed Finn´s path just in time.

However fast the cop was, he was not fast enough to prevent Hunter left side of the face getting hit by Finn. His cheekbone throbbed, as if all the anger Finn had stored up had fueled his weak body to throw a good punch. He would have made him regret it, would give him twice the pain in return if it weren´t for his act. Worse than the throbbing was the humiliation of a kid daring to go against him. Someone would pay for this and by the whimper behind him he knew that Kurt was expected to serve as a substitute.

He was right.

The cop had finally gotten his handcuffs on the fighting boy and hurled him away from Hunter just in time to make him escape from Hunter´s wrath. A second more and the act be damned. "Sir, are you alright? Do you want to report this assault even though he probably is not accountable?"

"I want him out of here!" Hunter seethed."Just get those two out or I will run out of patience!"

"Alright. Sorry again, Sir."

"Just get out!"

They did leave then, the door falling shut behind four very quiet men, two of them fearing a finance cut, two walking away from their final battle being lost. Their shuffling gait echoed to the eerily quiet complex for a few more seconds before it was quenched by a sob from Kurt. It slightly lifted Hunter´s mood now that he came closer to his goal.

Two pawns down, five to go.

Hunter sat back down on his leather chair, leaning forward to watch as Kurt's pain ebbed down with every sob getting quieter, with every shake of his shoulders getting softer. He was preparing to lock those two away as good but painful memories and he hadn't invited Hunter to watch.

"Lucky?" He said with a soothing voice."You did make me very proud today."

Kurt stood up then, crashing against the wall before giving in and crawling until he was under Hunter´s desk with his chin on his knee. His beautiful eyes glistened with tears and were beautifully lowered. Right where they were focused on, he opened the slit in his pants, pulling out his erection that had strained against the material.

"And Finn will be free now?" Kurt asked him, tentatively liking his cock."You won't ever search for him or hurt them?"

Hunter closed his eyes in bliss and spread his legs farther."That is what you sacrificed yourself and others for. All of your friends working here could have been saved if only you hadn't lied for me just so that you could keep your boy toy and brother safe. Yes, believe it or not, I promise not to harm them and let them live in peace as long as you behave nicely and take the punishment for betraying me again like a good little slut. Are you my good little slut, Lucky? A good little, selfish slut who asks for it?"

Soon enough the only one Kurt would have was Hunter and everyone else would have him. There would be no amicable feelings between Kurt and the other sluts as soon as he was finished. Kurt would be all alone and then Hunter would finally be victorious.

He let out a long moan when Kurt sucked down to his the base of his cock and he held him there. Kurt sat perfectly still just like Hunter liked it. Yes, eight years later and he still knew why he had chosen Kurt. Soon, he'd have him soon and once Kurt was nothing but crumbles, that´s when the true training would begin.

"Your good little slut." Kurt said in a hollow voice, cum dripping down his chin.

**Checkmate.**

_**-End of Part I-** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now you are probably wondering: Part I? Does that mean the story is over and gets a sequel? No. I just think that this part of the story is an entity while the rest is one as well and I didn´t know that would be the case when I begun writing. Part II will be very angsty for Kurt, we´ll finally get to his past and see his future, so stay tuned if you dare ;)
> 
> Thanks for continued support.  
> I am so excited for the 44th Kudo because 4 is my absoulte favorite number so yay, whenever that happens know that you are awesome! :D


	12. You wonder if you´ll make it out alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Fact 1. : I didn´t want to do the italic/Backstory thing because I want to improve as a writer. Even though it may be a bit confusing it turned out decent I hope.
> 
> Fact 2: There is a second part to Kurt´s past because if I had to include the Huner part in this I would have cut a few important scenes and I´d rather give it another chapter.
> 
> Fact 3: Unfortunately college starts next month and since it is my first time in college I probably will only be able to get one chapter up per month but we´ll see. 
> 
> Unbetad, sorry. Still, enjoy and as always: THANK YOU!!
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of drug abuse, Minor character death, Suicidal thoughts, Mentions of animal abuse (hints at it at least)

**Chapter 11**

****

**_-Part II-_ **

 

 

In the past he had never appreciated having people to lean on. They had been nannies to him, advisors but never worthy enough to be called friends. It took him seven years to come to the realization that trust was best placed in their hands since they were the only ones sharing his burdens.

It was too late now, they knew

. Somehow all of them knew that he had backstabbed them and every step with his jittery legs was accompanied by another glare and another insult. Hunter trudged behind him, making sure that Kurt would not go anywhere but his former apartment. As if he had a place to run to, as if he really had a reason to fight. He had not. That was why it didn´t hurt as much when Santana flung her stiletto at him, yelling at him in Spanish. He just kept on putting one foot in front of the other with Hunter´s snickering like a soundtrack to the walk to his condemned future.

His eyes were downcast and his shoulders slumped further with every person he recognized. His world tilted dangerously before he processed the pain in both his shoulders and stared at Nick in shock. Dizzily Kurt supported his weight with a hand to the wall he had collided with after being shoved. Then he kept on walking, every word being yelled at him leaving a cut he supposed he would feel later, when he did no longer feel numb.  
“You fucking bastard!” Nick grunted because people kept on restraining him.”Don´t walk away! I will fucking kill you for this! You self-serving, lying piece of shit, when I get you alone I-“  
Hunter´s voice cut him off. “That´s quite enough! Go back into your rooms. I am sure you have work to get to.”

The muttered curses were loud enough to pierce through Kurt´s conscious but as soon as he stood in front of his apartment door, reality started to blur. This was the last time he would go in there, of that he was sure. For years this door had lead him into the closest thing resembling a home he would ever get to and while the majority of memories clinging to this house were clinging to him like the breaths of the men using him, in there he had found an escape. In here he had kept Finn save, had watched him grow up and now that would just be added to a collection of things too painful to be visited.

The doorknob in his hand was moist with the sweat of his palm until he understood that he had been standing there for several minutes. Hunter seemed to wait patiently until Kurt turned it and stepped inside. The first thing Kurt noticed was the placement of the furniture was off. Then the missing smell that usually filled his apartment with live and finally how clean the floor was without Finn´s stuff littering. He turned to Hunter questioningly before he noticed the man still standing a few steps behind him, outside of the threshold.

“You have twenty minutes to bring me all your money and take a few things with you. The rest will be burned.”

For a lack of things to say, Kurt nodded. There were no positive feelings attachable to Hunter and yet he was grateful for this tiny act of kindness before he would be punished. Even as he dared to shut the door he felt no resistance and in the silence and solitude of his home he finally let go of his restrictions. His limbs gave in under him and he didn´t notice the shaking of his own body until he looked at his jittery hands that acted as catch tank for his tears.

His whole past would soon be kept under lock and this was his last chance to try and hold onto the shadows of it. Kurt felt like he would join the shadows soon.

When the crying finally stopped he noticed the crack in Finn´s door and the colorful interior inside as he had left it. Once upon a time he had sat at the same spot in his old house, crying and stuck, peeking into a room he would leave behind when they would come the police arrived.

There was not much he remembered about his past life before Finn. There were a few vivid memories etched into his brain that he could replay like an old tapes that the longer he let them untouched, the worse the quality got until parts of it were skipped or blurred. The functioning ones he treasured for the darkest nights, but nowadays everything was drenched in darkness and with every passing hour the light dimmed more and more.

Some of them consisted of colors, smells and impressions, especially when they concerned his childhood. When he closed his eyes, he could almost replace the stale smell with that of the batch of cookies his grandmother had made. The smell of dirt and wood of when they had wandered through the forest. The clean smell of linen when his mother let his blanket fall down on him to make him giggle before she cuddled him in before she read him his favorite book. The scent of oil he had been greeted by whenever he visited his father at work. His home reeking of smoke when his mother had fallen down while making dinner and couldn't get up to shut down the oven. The stench of medicine and chemical cleaning agents making him gag now that he remembered why that was the most familiar to him.

He remembered his father, a broad man who always smelled sweet and sharp but was always so soft when he carried Kurt around. His voice was gruff and often Kurt thought he was being reprimanded but he also remembered never hearing a single bad word against him. Instead he recalled the smell of him changing as it slowly turned into that of the hospital. His mum´s had done that long before his, going from floral to sterile. Apart from smell he remembered the deep sadness of the one conversation in particular. The voice of his father was lost by now but he remembered the overall tone very easily.

That day was colored bright in his mind, vivid in the things he recollected like his teacher´s joke or the rain making his new jacket so wet that he cried because he thought it was ruined. Then the moment that had made his day so much more happy, had him run home so fast his knee got scraped up as he had tripped and fallen on the small staircase of his house. He had barely felt the pain but he had seen the blood. His father was putting on his shoes when Kurt entered.

“Dad, Dad, I´ve got the part! They have me playing Pinocchio! Candis said Wendy would be more fitting, like this is Peter Pan when it is not. Mr.Harris got mad at her for it, but, I , I got the part in the end and Lenny did not which made him very sad!”

His father´s face did not look happy, which dampened his mood slightly. A drawn sigh left his father´s  mouth instead of laughter.”That is great, Kurt.” It did not sound convincing.”But I have to tell you something as well.”

“Where is Mom? The play is in a few weeks and she has got to put it in her calendar before she forgets it again.”

“Kurt?” His father obstructed the way.”Kurt, bud, listen to me. Your Mommy will not be able to come and watch.”

“What?” Instantly tears were blurring his vision.

“Your mom´s condition is getting worse, so we have to be extra careful with her. F or now she has to spend some time in the hospital so people can look over her better than we can. It is why even though she is your biggest fan, she will have to miss your play. Maybe I can record it though and we will watch it together on the screen, huh bud?”

Kurt shook his head.”Ca-can't she take this one day off?”

“That is not how it works. You know she would do that if she could.”

In that moment he had felt like everything mattered more than him to others. He had been young and selfish until his dad explained to him what it meant to sacrifice some things for the people you love. Even the things important to you.

“No one ever cares for me!” He had screamed, over the hiccup accompanying his tears. ”All you care about is mommy and all mommy cares about is Grandma and no one ever cares for me.”

“Your mom and I care so deeply for you, but that doesn't mean that we cannot love other people as well.” His dad said calmly.

Kurt struggled out of his father´s hug. “Then why won't you come to my play?”

“Because sometimes you have to think about what is more important. If you could make someone who is sad better when you share your candy, would you do it?”

Kurt frowned and wiped away a tear.”Not my banana Go-Gurt!”

The shape of his shoes was what he remembered about this conversation the most. How he had played with his zips as fresh tears ran down his cheeks.

“Not even with your Mommy?”

“Of course Mommy can have some. You could too.”

Burt had hummed.“And who would be the person you would save from the dragon?”

Without hesitation he let his father wipe the remains of tears from his face. He had still smelled sweetly then.”You and mummy and a prince.”

“Even if you were scared of the dragon?”  
“Yes! I would always save you two!”

His father engulfed him in his arms once more, crushing him against his big belly.”You see, sometimes you have to make small and sometimes you have to make bigger sacrifices. What is important is that you do it for the people you love.”

That conversation still rang with such clarity because it had become his mantra. In the following months he had watched his mother become sicker and sicker until she couldn’t leave her bed anymore. She only ever did to walk to the phone whenever Grandma would call. She said she did it when Grandma needed her because she did not have anybody else and his Mom would rather work up the energy to walk a few steps than to leave her alone. Kurt´s mom had always been his idol and he spent her last days imitating her former persona that had been replaced by the mere shadow of what had once been so bright. He had put on her heels, her lip-stick and her perfume, even under the criticizing eyes of his father to then marsh on the makeshift catwalk in front of her bed. Kurt presented his clothes with her accessories to make her laugh and be brighter again. With one of the cameras she always filmed him and said she would show it to Granny but his Grandma never came to watch the tapes. He was fine with that, it was her show alone.

In school he got bullied a lot whenever he wore her bright scarves or her lilac perfume but he had come to realize that his own discomfort was outweighed by his mother´s joy and he understood his father´s words so much better then. The bullying stopped shortly after when he dropped out of school prior to the premiere of the school play, as being homeschooled would benefit his mother´s health. Her immune system could not withstand a simple illness like the flu, but Kurt was very willing to give up on Pinocchio if that meant that he could spent more time with his mom at home.

“Kurt,” Her whispery voice had said in one of the conversations he did remember.”Tell me about your future. What do you think will happen once you have grown-up?”

He had pondered about that, the thought about being an adult exciting. His Dad had entered the room at some point and sat down next to her on the bed, taking her frail hand in his giant one. She had looked at him like she often looked at Kurt, her eyes full of life even if her body had weakened.

“In the future, you will be healthy, Mom, and then you can go out again and buy new stuff that I can show you. And then I can take care of my little sister or brother and I make sure to protect them from all the bullies in the world!” giddily he jumped on the corner of her bed. ”I will go to college and learn to sing just like the people in those musical movies do and this time you can come and watch the show. Maybe I will even play Pinocchio there with many, many people to watch who give me flower afterwards. And then I want to have a giant marriage, with a huge cake and expensive suits and perfect music. You will be there and Daddy and my siblings will be too and I want to love this person the way you love each other and then we will kiss and it won´t be yucky. “He giggled at this atrocious thought. “I will have a house just like ours, with a garden where my three children can play in. Dad can build a hoop swing like I have at Grandma´s house and me and my love will watch them grow bigger and bigger. Maybe we can even own a dog or a cat, I am not sure which. Maybe even both. On Sundays we will go to the park, on Wednesday to the waffle house and on Fridays we come and visit you. And when I am old I will make sure to call you every day, no matter how busy I am and to bake cookies the way Grandma does for you.”

It was easier to comprehend why she had cried now, why his Dad sounded so chokes when he answered, ”Oh, Kurt, I am not sure-” but had broken off to never end his sentence. Her days were numbered, Burt had known that, but neither had known the future to be such a fickle and heartless creature.

His vision of the future had been so pathetic and naive that Kurt scoffed at it now, his fists hitting the ground. He must have always been wrong and twisted, because if there was a thing like fate, it had to have its reason to turn him into this. The only cause for hitting high notes was whenever he was fucked and not for the sake of music. Instead of protecting the people he loved, he had left them with scars. His only drive, his only purpose now was the pleasure of other men and the memories of their hands groping and their dicks slamming into him. They only served to taint the few happy memories he had. Love, marriage, a little house, all of those things were a fantasy he had long gotten rid off before they imbedded themselves to become something he would long for.

Slowly, the specs of happiness dimmed as he recalled memories much sharper in his mind. The day his grandmother died and his mother stopped talking and only stayed in bed. She would not even look at him. His father got quieter too and he never managed to read to Kurt like his mother did. He never laughed at Kurt dressing up. He never laughed period. Of course he remembered the biting smell of burned chicken for dinner and the day his father had snapped at him for putting on his mother´s perfume. The tears on his father´s face when his mother did not wake up one morning and the harsh, cold words of the people who carried her out. He had wanted to be taken with her, had held on to her hand until his dad pulled him away.

The silence in the house only grew after that, with no music playing, no voice sounding, no TV playing. It had felt like his parents were both dead even before Burt went out to shovel snow a few weeks later to never return. It had taken hours and Kurt remembered every minute of them, before he went to look outside and found the glittering snow turned red near his father´s head.

Slipped, cracked and gone, like Kurt found himself wanting to do now with Finn gone. He could vanish so easily with no further word.

Two funerals, two small families all dressed in black and still not a unity as they avoided any proximity to Kurt. He had worn his mother´s perfume and scarf and his father´s far too big base cap, the only color popping out in the sea of darkness. The sadness of that day still clung to him even now and he did not bother to wipe away stray tears.   
Neither of his relatives allowed him into their houses but at that moment he had not felt any remorse.

He stood up now, struggled to go to the couch but halfway through he had to rest at his couch. His breath got caught while he looked at the dark green smudge on the floor, Finn had left there on day when he had colored outside of the paper. It was the same color of  Greenwich´s Orphanage and it still made him sick.

The sadness had weighted too much to feel anything but the pain and the weeks of being handled by the government before his arrival at Greenwich´s Orphanage were a big gaping hole in his memory. The first thing he recalled after the chasm of his mind was the bright green color the orphanage had on the in and outside. Then a sweet smell and the room he shared with three other kids. Rosa, Lucas and Steven and how they were of different ages with Lucas being the one closest to his.

 That was all he knew of them for a very long time because he never got out of bed when he was not forced to. He constantly cried, slept and woke up with nightmares he then cried from as if the circle of the last weeks picked up again. He was mostly left alone, even though he started taking in everything like a sponge that never lost its capacity after the numbness faded. He still knew that Connelia, one of the social workers, had yellow fingertips from smoking too much and that she had a boyfriend who always looked at the teenage girls in the orphanage for too long. That Rosa always sorted her socks every few hours and always pretended to be tough as she would beat boys but always sobbed when she mumbled about her flaws as she wrote in her diary. Steven was colorblind, Eric was sneaking food into his room, and Lucas could not walk without crutches.

Every other day when he was forced out of his bed, he had felt David and Warner watch him with squinted eyes before they shoved Lucas into the doorframe , or when they tied the laces in his shoes so his dysfunctional leg would no longer support his weight and he´d crash. How they had beat Lucas one time when he spoke up against them. The bullied were always watching him like they threatened him to be the next if he ever did more than sleep and cry in his bed. He had no intent on ever doing anything else, especially when fear slithered under his skin whenever they entered his room to make Lucas´ life worse. They watched him in challenge and left when he never interfered.

The day they snatched away Lucas´ crutch right in front of him and he watched the boy fall backwards was the day he awoke from his stupor. Lucas head had bumped loudly onto the floor that day and a vision of stark red snow flashed before Kurt´s eyes. Lucas had then been still on the floor and the laughter of the bullies had subsided.

So very still like his mother. Cracked like his father.

Kurt had not said anything to Warner as he was yelled at for gaping too long and had not helped Lucas before they hadn´t vanished. He only had dared to go and check his pulse then, like he had for his father, had forcefully heaved the smaller boy onto his bed and laid the crutches next to it. He had undone his mother´s scarf afterwards and wrapped it around the boy´s wrist several times.

This tiny boy needed protection, his protection and apart from the scarf and base cap, what else had he to give from his parents but that?

He had gone to his favorite social worker that night, the one who was genuinely concerned about their well-being and told on them, but not before filling their pillows with bugs and worms he had gathered from outside, not before buttering up their threshold and not before smashing their video games. The social workers kept Lucas safe from then on and even though Lucas had never acknowledged his protector, Kurt would sometimes find a new drawing on a piece of paper that was placed on his sheets. On the nights that they bullied him as his substitute, the drawing would still bring him smiles.

The truth was that having something to focus on had filled his life with purpose again. Like a fresh breath of air after suffocating, even if he got hurt in the process. Being a shield had made him leave his bed day after day. That was the reason why, when they arrived, they noticed him.

His elated feelings from that day clashed noisily with those of the hatred he felt towards them now. The Hudsons were a big part of the reason his life went downhill from then on but he could not deny how happy he had felt in the first weeks of knowing them. Not even with their memory tainted by knowledge.  
“Oh my god, button-nose!” He remembered the grown-woman with the blond bob saying. It was her nickname for him that stuck. “What is your name?”

“K-Kurt?”

The Hudsons, mostly Mrs. Hudson. had asked him questions referring to his age and hobbies and his parents, the last one choking him up and she needed to shush him.. She was a sweet woman, slightly softer features and a high voice and full of energy. The clothes when he hugged her smelled bitterly and he remembered liking her eyes because the pupils were so huge, but they had always been this way because she never was sober, which he only were to know later on.

The man standing next to her was intimidating through his height and yet the red flannel shirt had filled Kurt with nostalgia and the man was nicer than he looked.   
The day they had seen him, him who people always passed by for another child, a younger child, a normal child, that day he thought he had found another family. It only took three weeks for them to get the right to be their foster parents and every bruise he had from the bullying finally had the potential to fade. Warner and David scowled at him while he smiled at them at the dinner table the last day before they would come and get him out.  
Lucas had helped him pack hours after, both being quiet because they barely knew the other. It felt like the first time when Lucas finally spoke up. “Thank you. For everything uhm- I still have that scarf of yours and I haven´t let it be washed yet so I´m sorry-“

“Keep it.” He said and he had not regretted it then, but now he thought he could use the calming presence of his mother´s belongings.   
“Do you think that those people are nice?” Lucas had asked, gently squeezing the yellow scarf in his hands.”I heard about children being returned by their fosters. Maybe you will come back here and we could be friends?”

Kurt had smiled.”I don´t think I will. They really seem to like me and I like them.”

Lucas looked at him before shrugging, which turned out to be the only goodbye he would get, as Cornelia came in then followed by the Hudsons. A last longing gaze from Lucas, then he turned his back on the green always surrounding him with its sick presence and went to go not the next circle of hell.

It was harder now to drag himself away from the memories now, but not as hard as it was walking into Finn´s room and seeing that they had left this room untouched. There the scatter was still as intact as unplanned chaos could be but it served to calm him. Signs of Finn being left alone during the week of Kurt´s punishment were apparent in the candy wrappers and plates on the bed and Kurt sat down, taking a deep breath to savor the smell clinging to the room.

Finn hadn´t smelled like this on the day they met. His room had been a mixture of baby oil and a kind of stench Kurt had not been able to place. In the moment he hadn´t cared since his mind was addled because of the mixed feelings he felt toward the shy toddler pulling at the  tail of the cat while giggling.   
“This is our son Finn.” Mr. Hudson said.”Finn let go of Mors right now!”

Kurt did not flinch at the yelling, not like Finn did, because he was a good boy. He would just have to be a good boy and he would never be of the receiving end of anyone’s anger. Still he looked at Finn and saw the threat in him. The potential to shatter every hope of having a new family that loved him, because they already had a child. A younger one, a normal one and they would likely never love Kurt the way they did their son. All his life he had been forced to take a step back in favor for others and the only time he had wanted to be the center of his new parent´s attention it was snatched away by this toddler. By this quiet little boy who had scrambled to hide behind his bed frame when he was being screamed at.

In the following weeks Kurt had come to despise Finn. No matter what he did, no matter what perfect grades he had, no matter how well he sung, all the attention was snatched away from Finn who could never do right. They were polar opposite. Kurt was the good boy, Finn the bad and yet he was always discarded because Finn needed reprimanding. That was the reason he stopped taking pity on Finn whenever he was scolded or got lightly hit on the back of his head.

On rainy days the house would smell weird and his new mom would be very happy. Too happy to play cards with Kurt, too happy to watch TV because she couldn´t sit still. Later Kurt found out that the medicine he watched her snort in being the cause for her good mood and being the good boy, he never asked her about it. Finn did and Finn had gotten scolded and hit in front of his eyes.   
That night he couldn´t sleep, wondering if sooner or later they would do the same with him. He couldn´t stay perfect forever, it started to strain him even now, a month later and when he messed up, maybe they would no longer be that nice to him. Until that day came, he would try and be the best he could be and if that included lying, so be it.

It didn´t take long for him to screw up. One second he wasn´t careful and the next thing he knew was mom´s medicine covering the floor  next to the wooden box she kept it in. he must have ran against the piano on which top it sat. Finn had come awkwardly waddling towards the noise, looking at him with his giant brown eyes.  
“I-Is Kurtsy hurt? One time in kindergard-“  
“What happened here?” Dad had thundered then and the talkative toddler retreated back into his shell making himself smaller.”Is that-? Who is responsible for this?”

The lie had come so easily. He didn´t want to be screamed at or hit.”Finn! I saw him climb on the piano and drop the box.”  
Maybe, that day, if he had not lied, if he had done something more than watch Finn be dragged away and yelled at, maybe he would have found out sooner. Instead he felt like his new parents still loved him and he just did more to make up for his mistake.

The memories of the Hudsons was so much sharper than that of his real family. While the smile of his mother was fading like the contours of the face he tries to recall, Mrs. Hudson’s anger lined features were still so clear to him even now. The way she would sometimes forget to take a shower, the way she would cuddle Kurt but never Finn. The way she would paint his nails red like hers or watch him do the laundry, the dishes, the vacuum cleaning. She was always friendly when she wasn´t angry and that were the two emotions she was capable of. Finn made her angry, made her lash out and scream at Finn how much she hated him before returning to Kurt and telling him how good he was. How Finn should be more like him.   
Mr. Hudson always insisted on being called Daddy and he was a busy man. He seldom had time to spent with his children and yet he always was there the minute Finn did something wrong. The time when Finn took a match and tried to burn a worm in the garden, the time Finn peed on the couch and the time Finn walked over the street in front of their house on his own. All these times Kurt watched the boy shrink as his cheek was slapped or he was being dragged down the staircase into the attic when he did something really wrong. After the time in the attic Finn would not be allowed out of his room for a week and Kurt wasn´t allowed to see him either.   
Not that he wanted to but with passing time the anger had subsided. How was he supposed to be jealous of someone who was constantly told that he wasn´t loved by his parents? Finn´s parents now loved Kurt, so maybe it was time to share some love he was given with his new brother.   
They often were left alone, with Kurt being the babysitter, but that mostly happened when Finn was supposed to stay in his room. That one day, after Finn had been punished for biting into his mother´s arm, Kurt slid into his room after the Hudsons were gone for the evening.   
Finn´s room was bland and Kurt only noticed that now. A toy or two was put way up high on a shelf but other than that Finn only had a tiny bed and a dresser. For a second Kurt panicked when He couldn´t see Finn until he noticed the bump on the bed and the sniffling.   
“Finn? Do you want to play something?” Kurt asked attentively as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“G-go away!”

“Mom and Daddy are gone and I thought we can try and be like brothers. What do you say? Don´t you want to play games with your big brother?”

He lifted the blanket a bit to reveal the wet cheeks of the toddler and the angry eyes.”You lied! Daddy was an´ry be-because of you!”

“I´m sorry. I want to make up for it.” Kurt lifted more of the blanket to stare at Finn and the brown spots on the linen he lay on. He couldn´t place them then but now they made him take in a sharp gasp of air as he connected the smudges to dried blood.

“Yo-you just tell Daddy again.”

“I won´t. Come on let´s play with cars or whatever you want.”

Finn´s face softened then but he still kept on crying.”I can´t. My body has ouchies!”

They didn´t play that night because Kurt had gotten impatient and had left him alone. It had made him angry that Finn would refuse and his past hatred reared its head once more. It wasn´t until an indefinite time later, he heard a loud cry out of the attic one night. He was scared, of course he was, because the attic was a place where the shadows could hide any possible danger, and yet he had to think of his father and how Kurt had not looked for him until it was too late. Hesitantly he had made his way downstairs, the base cap of his father wrung in his hands as he slowly approached the muffled sound of crying after the sharp sound of air being cut.   
In the present, Kurt gripped tightly onto the bed while the pain of memories crashed into him and made him hold onto the sheets in need of being anchored to the here and now instead of the horrors of the past.

Blood. Finn´s tiny back covered in welts and bruises. In blood. He was bleeding. Why was he bleeding? Daddy, who stood leaning over him said nothing as the small belt, surely taken from one of Finn’s toddler jeans, snapped through the air before hitting flesh.   
´Da-Daddy what are you doing?´ was what he had wanted to say. What he actually did was feel the first time of his chest being bound and restricted by a sharp coil, so that his lungs did not receive a breath he was taking. Then he puked right onto his feet the moment his new daddy turned to him with the belt raised.

 


	13. It took some time but I understand it now

Chapter 13

In the nights following the one he had witnessed his foster brother's abuse Kurt had curled up in his bed, a hand over his mouth just as he was doing now. Tears slipped into Finn's pillow that still smelled so strongly of his younger brother and he clutched it like he never would be able to do to the actual boy himself again. There was not enough time for him to hold on now. Eight years had not been enough but right now, the only thing he was capable of doing was to reminisce and then close it up for good. Or for bad, because his future promised nothing but darkness.

Kurt bit into the fleshy part of his palm, like he had done years ago, the sound of Finn's whimpers and his daddy's words repeating themselves even as the world was dead quiet. He had been instructed not to tell mum. He was to keep quiet. He was to never console Finn. He was to never speak of what he saw to his daddy.

He was to keep quiet. He was to keep quiet. He was to keep quiet and be good or else the sound of the belt would no longer be the only thing he'd experience. That was what brought him the most horror, the prospect of it happening to him and that he'd have to keep quiet even as the leather met his back.

So Kurt had been even better the next days, making the stoic man, his daddy, smile from time to time. Sometimes it felt like they were in in a secret and his daddy found it exciting. It did nothing more than to turn Kurt's stomach. Kurt had been so very obedient and good, because he was to keep quiet but for one night he no longer was able to be. The night he had felt his heart thunder with every step he took in the depth and darkness of it. The floorboards had creaked as if they attempted to alarm his foster parents but he had made it to his destination without anyone rousing.

Finn was in his bed when he entered, peacefully sleeping. The full moon shining through the window made it easier to see him curled on his side, his knees pressed to his chest. It had made Kurt wonder about how used someone could be to such a dreadful situation that he could sleep through his night, while Kurt had never been endangered but found himself restless for the past week. The feeling of guilt soon was replaced with worry when he saw the fear in Finn's eyes after he had gently shaken the boy awake. The tiny boy's eyes were huge with fright and he held his action figure in front of his chest like a shield as he looked up at Kurt.

"Finn, it's me, Kurt."Kurt whispered into the darkness."Shh, I won't hurt you, just stay quiet for now or we'll wake daddy."

The toddler whimpered softly before crushing the figure against his body. With horror Kurt then noticed that the energetic boy he had only caught the slightest glimpses of and only when their parents weren't close, was gone now too. In Finn's eyes Kurt was just as bad as the people who hit him and shrunk back even now just thinking about it.  
Finn had been right though. For the short time he had been in this house he had been jealous, angry and spiteful towards Finn and the toddler's reaction to him, though painful, was verified. He could only hope to show him that he could change and that he'd have enough time to make up for it once they had escaped.

That night he only talked to Finn and his stomach churned right now as Kurt recalled the things he had asked his brother about the Hudsons and how Finn told him about his abuse as if it was a normal occurrence. Like his mother locking him in the wardrobe while she talked on the phone, him hitting the edge of his crib when his father beat him or the way they would always grip his arm too tightly were things that even though frightening to Finn, were things he had accepted as his life.

The pillow Kurt now squeezed tightly did not substitute for Finn at all, just like a hug that night hadn't made his brother's bruises go away. It had been painful then and it was painful now. His loud sobs were muffled by cotton so now the loud shrieking of Finn's bed frame echoed through the empty apartment. A part of him cried out of relief that he had finally made sure that Finn was safe, the bigger part cried for his loss.

He doubted that the future held life for him when everything felt too much like death right now and for a fleeting moment, a moment between one sob and the next, he thought about just pressing his nose and mouth over the fabric longer. He wondered if it would be a peaceful death because this was the closest he'd ever be to Finn again and it was so many miles away still. Kurt only noticed that he had actually stopped breathing when his lungs begged at him and he closed his eyes.

Before his lids he saw stars dangle and dance merrily but he concentrated harder until finally, the picture of his brother appeared in colors matching the stars. Finn, the first time Kurt had made him laugh at hide and seek, the time Kurt had to console and explain to him why Kurt had not stepped in when their mother had slapped Finn's face, Finn telling Kurt he loved him, Finn holding his hand in front of his mouth the night that they slid out of the house when Finn's back had finally healed enough. Kurt remembered the bus drive to the outskirts of New York and the suspicious questions of the driver and the way that his mind would always avoid thinking about where to go from there. Two weeks, then their money had been completely spent on food and two blankets and through the night the chatters of their teeth would come from vacated alleys.  
Every night Kurt would tell Finn a new story but they all had one thing in common, the heroes would win. When Finn had gotten the flu, no hero was there to safe him.

"F-Finn, come on stay with me." He had begged, shaking the bundle on his lap. The toddler had gone so very still, buried in both blankets and Kurt's jacket. Kurt barely felt the late February air creep through thin wool, hoping that whenever he did, Finn wouldn't. "Open your eyes! Finn! Please, say something."  
Kurt yelped in joy when Finn had actually woken up then, glassy eyes partially opening before his eyelashes sunk back onto his flaming red cheeks. That he was awake could only be guessed by the furrow of his brows until finally he mumbled,"Kurtsy?"  
Kurt settled one icy hand on Finn's burning forehead."I am here, shh, I am here."  
"C-Cold."

"I know, I know." He wrapped the blankets tighter."I am going to find a warmer place, I promise you. Somewhere we are safe and with a bed where you can cuddle into the blankets and- and something to eat-"

Finn's eyes clenched tightly before they reopened to finally focus on Kurt. There was always the chance that this was one of his last times he would see that but he banished that thought. He wasn't stupid. He knew that his toes had stopped feeling the cold around noon and when the first snow would start falling both of them would be dead. A few more hours to try and plan but he could not let Finn die. He'd go to the police, to a homeless shelter or a mall. Anywhere where it was warm, even if it meant that they'd be separated. That was the sole reason for risking their lives because once they went to a homeless shelter people would want to know why. They'd be taken to foster families, maybe worse than his last and they would never see each other again. Kurt had lost his family once, he would not lose it again.

"Can I go back to slee-p?" Finn asked in a whisper.

The bundle on Kurt's lap shook and he gently tried to rock it as best as he could with his limbs bound with cold."Of course. Do you want to hear another story?" When Finn gave the slightest nod, Kurt continued."Once upon a time, there was a girl who was sent out and only was allowed to return when she had sold all of the matches her father had given her-"

Finn had long falled asleep when Kurt came to the end."And so, the hero found the girl and saved her before she could freeze. With the last match they wished for a happy life together and that they would never lose one another. The wish was granted."

The true ending of the girl with matches was not such a merry one but Kurt's own tale wasn't one either. No one had come to save the girl with matches from freezing. The only thing she had left were her illusions and Kurt remembered thinking that the man who approached them that day was one as well. Hunter Clarington had however, not been an illusion. He was the villain that would kill the girl slower than the winter would have.

Kurt hastily gulped in air, saliva and tears wet on his skin as his lungs wheezed in relief. He did not know why exactly he had come up for air, why he bothered to breathe when all he wanted was to be gone. There was a flicker of doubt, now that the shock and the pain were slowly subsiding and for now he held on to them. The chance that he may be able to see Finn again, happy and finally free kept another breath coming.

The slow tick of the clock raised him from his partly gone mind and he quickly stood up from Finn's bed. When the twenty minutes he had been given by Hunter would be up, his new life would start and even though he had sworn to keep his memories locked, he couldn't help but seek out something that he could keep to remind him of Finn. In the end Kurt chose the plastic sword Finn often had played with when frightened and his favorite sweater and with his heart stuttering to a stop, he closed the door of Finn's room.

When Hunter barged in a few minutes later he chuckled at seeing Kurt with Blaine's album gripped tightly in a hand as well as the things he had taken from Finn's room. He was amused by all that was still dear to Kurt and tears of frustration brimmed in his eyes because he could do nothing but accept it. He stared defeat in the eyes, plastic sword sunken as was his face soon after. Hunter's sharp aftershave pierced through his nose as warm lips met his earshell.

"The day you finally let go of your past and accept your new life will come and I will gladly destroy every bit of that past at your order, Kurt." He spit his name out like it was an insult. Any moment, Kurt expected a hand sneaking up his ass or stroking up his thigh but remaining untouched unsettled him much more than unwanted groping could."You have so little left now, without him. Without your little Finn, what else is there to you? Maybe you need someone else in your life?"  
"Are you afraid you have lost your only pressure point? Afraid that I won't dance like your good little puppet?" Kurt asked, but it came out sounding more lifeless than biting.

It felt like a lifetime until Hunter gripped his ass-cheeks, short nails digging in. The wetness of his tongue cooled on Kurt's neck before his teeth sliced in with heat. His voice was rougher when he spoke."Kurt, when I want you to dance, you will. It's as simple as that. Just like I made you learn how to beg for my cock, how to take every inch of any man's cock no matter how huge, how to swallow around a dick in your mouth and how to ride and how to take it. I have always been your instructor and it is time that my student came to thank me."

The night they had met the first time, Kurt wondered how he hadn't seen the monster behind the beautiful mask then when he could see it so clearly now. His voice had been so calming against the harshness of the winter, his presence like a blanket. He hadn`t known that beneath all of that, bugs crawled and demons yearned to drag them down.  
"Hey, hey."The stranger had shaken him awake."Shit, you're so tiny. Kids like you shouldn`t be on the streets or you'll end up dead by either the weather or thieves." He had paused, then said,"I own a cheap motel that you could stay in for a while, just until we find a solution. I take it you ran away from child services?" Kurt nodded slightly and let the man continue speaking."Right, I figured that. Anyway, the motel is just a few blocks away from here if you want to come along. It`s not much but it will warm your bones and-"  
"Can you buy some medicine? He- he has fever and a cough and he needs- I – Can you?" Kurt had interrupted him, not thinking about how demanding he was being, so scared for Finn's health.

The stranger, Hunter, had grinned."Of course." He should have known then."I will take very good care of you, you can trust me with your lives."

He should have seen the monster but he only acknowledged it when he sat in the bathroom, crying and scratching at his thigh where he had been touched for the first time. Scrubbing himself clean to the point where his skin was no longer soft became a ritual after his "firsts" but then it stopped after his firsts were gone and he accepted his destiny.

The first time Hunter put a ring gag into his mouth that forced it open before shoving his cock through it, Kurt had choked. Cold hands had stroked his hair while praises laced with insults were nearly drowned by the noises of him slowly suffocating. The next day, his gums were bleeding, but that didn't stop the line of men making him suck them off until he finally, finally, puked and was excused. By the next week he could take five more men before his body refused. By today he had lost count.  
The first time he had to strip in the club after Hunter had showed him how to, punishing Kurt by keeping him longer from Finn whenever his young body wouldn't move the right way. Afterwards Kurt had rubbed so desperately at the places the men had shoved their hands into his tight pants to leave money. Now it did no longer feel disgusting compared to everything else to just have their hands grope.

No memory was as clear though as the time he had his first client fuck him. It was a relatively gentle man, compared to the many Kurt knew by now, and it wasn't exactly the client himself that made him remember the day so vividly. It was the way Hunter stared at the pair, his supervisor, and the gnawing knowledge that when they were done he had received earnest praise. That night he had pleased Hunter and he had never felt worse about being proud.

The realization was no longer bitter on his tongue when he felt all the strenght leave his body now. He no longer had the urge to fight in him now because he knew that his boss was right. He could make Kurt do anything, even without Finn present. One snap of his finger and Kurt would be on his knees for anything he wanted and a small voice in the back of his mind was grateful to have any direction but the sure plunge into death.

Hunter grabbed his hands and squeezed."Are you going to thank me, Kurt?"

A knock to the door saved him from giving himself or Hunter a response, whether it be affirmative or denying, he wasn't sure. He was just relieved when the attention of his boss was caught by the person at the door, though it soon vanished with the grin appearing on Hunter's face.

"Your new home is ready." He said, letting go of Kurt's hands.  
"New home?"

"I told you that soon nothing will be left of your presence in this apartment. Instead you get to have your own space, which will be a bit smaller than that, but you know you have lost your privileges after the stunt you pulled." Hands that had left bruises seconds prior now capped his cheeks."Don't you worry your pretty head, it's just a temporary solution until I decide that you have been punished enough. You can't keep believing that you'll be able to run away from yourself and me."

Kurt nodded. His tongue was sticking to the roof of his mouth uselessly. His last punishment had just been more clients and he could handle those but he had a feeling that something else was in store for him. The glint In Hunter's eyes just promised pain and suddenly he knew that people who were at the very edge could still feel danger lurking up even with one foot dangling in the air over the chasm.

"But first, the money. It's not like you will ever have use for it anyway. You can never escape from me again."

Kurt had had the exact same thought when he had gathered all the money he had made and put it on the kitchen counter. The only money missing was the rest of the tuition fee he had hoped to save up for Finn. Maybe all that was left was 2000 dollars but it still felt wrong to give it to him, so he just let it rott or burn in the hiding spot instead.

"In the kitchen is all I had left.", deflected Kurt.

He felt like he could breathe a bit easier for the time that Hunter went to retreave the money and yet it was not enough to fill his lungs. It didn't feel right to breathe.

"Shh, now I am all that you have left." Hunter cooed from behind him.

His hand was almost gentle when it led Kurt out of the apartment and to the rest of his life. On the hangar by the door he caught a glimpse of a mutedly colored scarf and stopped by it. With a quick motion he wrapped it around his neck loosely, inhaling involuntarily. The fraction of a blurred memory hit him in his guts without preparation as he took a whiff of a familiar scent.

Blaine and he had stumbled into the posh apartment one night they had gotten tipsy, laughing and clutching at one another for fear they'd fall. Kurt had only laughed harder with the alcohol circling in his bloodstream at the mental picture of the both of them falling onto the carpet. Blaine was so dignified all the time but right now the distance between their lives minimized with how similar they were acting. It felt like they were just two equal men right then. Blaine rubbed his nose into the side of his neck and his giggles made Kurt's throat itch and the place where his thumb traced over his skin at the seams of his jeans tingled.  
"You smell like flower-beds, Kurt. Like those very huge ones far far away from stinky New York, you know? Like , like, roses and lilies and buttercups. Manly flowers though, with masculine but sweet scents. Is that a thing? " Blaine mumbled into his skin.

"And you smell like a bar, Mr. Anderson."

"Do-," He kissed Kurt's neck.",not."

Kurt giggled."You are so drunk."

The door handle poked into his back as he was pressed against the door by clumsy hands. His breath hitched as he felt teeth nibble on his collarbone. "Drunk in you. So, so drunk in you."

The kiss tasted like whiskey and the brush of their tongues was frantic and needy. Blaine no longer was the only one touching and exploring what had long been captured on maps in their minds. How could he stop now, when he finally felt good? Finally he felt like a person instead of a cheap whore. He had wanted Blaine so much it felt like a heated iron pressed onto his flesh on both in and outside. His hands disobeyed him though, never quite managing to undo the button of Blaine`s jeans. He groaned into the wet cavern in desperation and did so again when Blaine pulled away.  
"Love you, so much. God, I , I want you right here and now, Kurt."

Kurt let out a shaky breath."Yes. I want- yes."

His hands found their way upward, annoyed with the stupid button that forbid him entrance and instead went to do easier tasks. The scarf that was artfully draped around Blaine's neck was fortunately off in less time then it could be captured by Blaine before Kurt could discard it.

"Kurt," he licked his lips as he stared at Kurt's. "would you-. I mean have you ever, like, been blind-folded when doing it? Doing it as in having freaky sex? Blind sex? With a blind-fold? Sex."  
Kurt's laugh broke the mood but he just thought it was too funny. What a ridiculous question to ask a whore. What hadn't he done?

"Yeah, Blainey. Totally been there."

"Do you want to again? I could use the scarf and-"

"Just do what you want, been there."  
The way their clothes had been dispersed all over the carpet was the only thing he remembered from that point on until his sight was taken and he was forced to feel. Blaine's tongue had teased him as it moves from place to place but never where it was needed the most until his anticipation matched the throb between his legs that still felt unfamiliar to him. He had whined and Blaine had given in, his tongue sloppy as it lapped at the tiny slit and hands were kneading his balls a bit too rough and still made him feel on fire. Like the wood against his back would burst into flames along with him with every new stimuli that he couldn't see. His orgasm that night had felt as sharp as Blaine's smell that lingered on the scarf covering his eyes. They hadn't stopped then either, not until the scarf undid itself with the way their bodies rocked in sync as Blaine pushed into him in an unsteady rhythm. The scarf had been the last thing they had picked up the next morning and from then on it was the only one Blaine had started to wear outside. It had made the both of them blush simultaneously whenever they caught the other staring at it. It was the same scarf Blaine had given him the day they said goodbye and now it made him wonder if he had done it on purpose. Wondered if Blaine had tried to find the smell of Kurt in the fabric because right now Kurt looked for his to anchor too.  
Hunter's hand tightened until what little skin he had on his lower back was pinched between his fingers. The pain was quick to replace any lingering feelings that had bloomed as now the flowers had rotten.

 

Isolation weighted down on him like a large boulder strapped to his ankle by now. In the beginning he had barely noticed it, embraced it even as there were no men taking advantage of him, no one demanding for him to lose himself in his "job" forever but by now he felt it drag on him. The things from his apartment that he had been taken were with him but out of reach so he couldn't know if they had not yet vanished like he wished he could.

No sound, no light and no smell but that of his own feces surrounding him at all times until his own tiny voice would sometimes break through it just so that he had anything but silence to focus on. The things he said were not of significance and yet they calmed him down enough to not return to a state where breathing felt like a chore he had to do every next second.

Mostly it were the stories he had told Finn in the times they had lived on New York's street. Of Ali Baba and Rapunzel, of wicked witches and Dorothy's friends seeking for a heart, courage, brain and a home. He was all four of them and still felt so fleeting like he may as well disappear in thin air. The only interaction, if one could call it so, was the moment of dim light breaking through as a slit at the bottom was opened in order to let the tray of food slide in. Then his world was thrust back into darkness and solitude.

Every day he would rub at the cuff linked to the chain that gave him very little room to move around in the tiny, windowless room. And every day he would cry and shiver so hard that tiny new wounds opened after his body scraped against the rough stones on the floor he was forced to sit on. The room was locked and guarded he assumed and still he was chained to a bolt in the floor that only made him feel less and less of a person. Technically he knew the effects of isolation on the human mind, had read about it some night he had tried to educate himself further. Now that knowledge did do nothing more than to foretell what was about to happen to him and provided him with no way to escape his own mind. It was caged alongside him in this cell and both would slowly disintegrate by the minute. Not that time was a thing he was able to comprehend after he had lost trail of it somewhere around what felt like last week. It may as well have been yesterday though. The smell of him being stuck without a toilet or a shower did not worsen anymore either so he was clueless.  
The only thought keeping him eating was the certainty that Hunter's punishment would backfire soon because nothing of Kurt would be left. No memories were replayed now, no thought given to his former specks of happiness. Even the things that had repulsed him, like all the unwanted touches of all the men he had spread his legs for were desired by him now if only as a means to end this state of his. It was strange how nowadays his whole being was cooked down to what Hunter planned, what Hunter thought, what Hunter wanted, how much he hated Hunter.  
He would kill Hunter after making him go through the same treatment. It would make him feel as fleeting and yet chained as it did Kurt and death would be the only merciful present that set them apart. He would kill him, kill him, kill him, kill him.

He felt his eyes burn before his mind caught up and he could blink away the tears that came with the brightness of the large light-flooded rectangle where the solid door had been. Along the way, all hope had been lost to now return as he saw a figure appear in the doorway. His muscles gave in as he tried to stand up but he just proceeded to rob forward.

The anger that had fed him was gone and the drive to kill with it now as he sobbed,"Hunter, sir, I-"

"Fuck, it reeks like a corpse died again in here all over again." The shadow said in a voice he recognized but couldn't pin on a certain person. Two other shadows appeared beside the male, stealing the light again.

"Look at that little whore so happy to see us. Must have craved a cock after such a long time with his hole unused. He's so lucky we've come to change that." Another voice chimed in, this time it was completely unfamiliar to him.

"I don't care. Just go along with the plan you idiot and your fantasies can be satisfied soon instead of you just spending it looking." The first man paused for a bit."Nick, please get a move on because this little idiot is stupefied by his own hard dick and the sight of a dirty, disgusting whore."

Nick? Nick was here? Had he come again to rescue him? Then again, who were the other men talking about him like this, like they had less than decent intentions?  
The shadowy figure on the left side moved towards him then and all his worries drained out when the light landed on parts of his friend's familiar face. He didn't notice the grim features and the hurt in Nick's eyes. His thoughts were reduced to more basic thoughts.

"Nick? Nick, help me." He whispered, noticing how Nick flinched away as Kurt tried to get a hold of his shirt."Nick?"  
The long pause was only broken by the laugh of one of the men in the back. His voice was incredibly dark and scratchy."Nicky-boy, I think our little damsel has the wrong impression of you. I would tell him that you are not the prince freeing him from a castle. Or maybe you are and the fairytales just stopped at the part where the prince would lift the princesses skirt, pull down her lace panties and just fuck into her without hesitation, so so hard and with every scream of her the insides would clamp down on his dick. Fuck her and fuck her and fuck, fuck, fuck her while she screams that high scream of hers and tries to fight while he holds her down and makes her take it. Funny how they never told that story, huh?"  
The unknown man frightened him but not as much as Nick suddenly fastening fabric over his eyes did. So soon after finally breathing in fresh air and seeing things other than darkness, he felt restricted again. Tentative hands turned into claws as he clenched them tight into Nick's shoulders and his voice was frantic,"Nick?"

"Shut up!", he got shouted at and then a cloth was forced into his mouth and his arms were too weak to help as he fought against the new cuffs around his wrists that were now pinned to the back.

All the questions that had yet to form into sense in his mind were translated into muffles as soon as he opened his mouth to speak. Spit rapidly let the cloth become wet on his tongue and the tangy taste of fabric made him gag. There was not much Kurt could do but try and hold on against the forces trying to drag him out of the cell he had been so desperate to escape from minutes prior. The dread now made his weak limbs shake and even though fresh air from outside beckoned him, he knew it to be nothing but a lure into greater depth.  
After a few steps into the clean air, as he finally passed the threshold, he just complied, his legs almost walking faster than the men holding him did. It certainly was not a walk into freedom but he understood that even if death awaited him, he had left his cell behind and with that the greatest danger to his mind. Parts of him that had felt decayed were slowly reanimated as he felt tiles on his soles with the next step.

"Hey, what are we doing here? I thought we were gonna take him to that place of his asap and not just wait here for him to give his pussy a bath!" The man with the dark voice cried out.

"You think I will let my cock come near anywhere near that filth-ridden lice factory?"

Nick cut in with his usually authorities voice breaking."We shower him first. Seb's right, Joe, just look at him."

Kurt didn't know anyone called Joe but his head snapped up as the voice of the third man aligned with the picture of Sebastian in his head. The things they had said slowly merged into a clear picture and the dread he had felt spiked before decreasing. His whole life he had been used, three more men could not scare him.  
"We wear a condom anyway." Joe said and Kurt could only assume it was his hand suddenly cupping his balls and squeezing. "I can still get it up for out little damsel."

"I can't and that is what matters so we let him shower."

The water was luke-warm as it rained down on him and seeped into the fabric bound over his mouth and eyes. Kurt heard them argue and bicker even of the rush of the shower but it almost was a blessing after his time spent in utter isolation. He relaxed quickly and the dirt washed off of him along with the sweat and blood where the shackles had been. The soap had long been washed away and even when the water turned cold, Kurt felt no desire to be led away once more. He was clean and if they fucked him here, the water would so quickly wash away what they did. Until now it always had.

Minutes ticked by and Kurt expected their hands on him any second, never questioning why Nick and Sebastian suddenly had a newfound desire for him. It turned his stomach which was why he just dismissed the thoughts as they came. Later he could dissect them. He tensed when he felt digits digging into his upper arm but instead of forcing him against the shower wall, they pulled him out from under the spray. Would it not be better to take turns on him there? Were they just trying to decide who got first? What was their angle, why did they come today, why were Seb and Nick-  
"Come on, Princess. Your castle awaits you." Joe said.

Kurt was pulled into another direction, stumbling before he found his footing. He noticed the change from tiles back to wood and then to carpet and even without any sense of direction he slowly started to recognize the turns and steps. When they finally stopped he knew even without the distinct smell of burnt wood where Finn had wanted to know what candles could do with the door, that this was his old apartment. Still intact, if the soft plush of his carpet was anything to go by. The path they took indicated that his furniture must still be standing where he had left it and Hunter had done no good on the promise of destroying it. It made him feel a bit more human, returning to his old life.

"Where is it, Nicky?" Joe pressed closer to him, his clad erection digging into Kurt's thigh."Bas? I think both of you must know where the room is, since you are such great friends to him and to his brother. Which room did you read goodnight stories in, hm?" Kurt froze and as soon as Joe noticed he started laughing."Or is that not what you did? Did you fuck his baby brother and make him-"  
"Another word and I swear we will gag you with my own sock." Sebastian hissed.

"Easy, tiger. Someone is a bit sensitive. Got something to hide? Like how you buried your dick into the ass of a kid? No biggy, we all have kinks. I like my boys unwilling, you like them young so hey."

Kurt stumbled forward, colliding with a wall face first since his hands were still cuffed behind his back. He didn't want to listen to this, as much as he preferred sound to silence. The pure mention of Finn was enough to make him choke and his heart stutter but the images accompanying Joe's accusation were much harder to ignore. Those men were his friends, had looked after Finn. They would never have done anything to harm him and yet here they were, eager to make him remember his place. Was everything they had told him a lie? Had they touched his brother?

"You are disgusting.",said Nick.

"Look at who is talking. If I am correct that the three of us are in on this, so stop playing a saint. Just get him onto the bed or I will cum right into my pants here and now with the way he teases."

Kurt heard a grunt, like a warning, before he was led away from the wall. Now his legs were no longer cooperating, stiffening as they got closer to Finn's room step by step. It was no use fighting and he was easily thrust across the threshold. He hadn't noticed the lack of a familiar scent in this apartment until now that Finn's smell invaded his senses.

Stupefied by the serenity it brought, he didn't even fight until his knees hit the bed and he fell onto the soft mattress faintly smelling of him. If they let him be here for a few more seconds he might have fallen asleep because he felt safe. Instead he jumped when a hand felt down his back and down to the end of his spine and further. His whole body trashed then in order to get the unwanted fingers away from him. They couldn't do this here. Anywhere but here.

Hunter had fucked him in his apartment often enough to not remember it wherever he walked in but even to a monster like him the room of a child was taboo enough to never have sex there. Hunter was the worst monster around until the moment he felt hands hold him down into the mattress while fingers pressed into him roughly and with very little lube and he realized that his friends had been in disguise. He tried to call out, tell them that he would be willing if only he wasn't surrounded by the smell of him. The purely happy memories created in this tiny space. The knowledge that this bed had been meant for sleeping only when in Kurt's world even the counter was used for sex.

His protests never reached their ears and they only held on harder while he tried to fight them off. The worst monsters had always smiled at him and helped him only to use his weakest hour to show their real faces. The pain of the cuffs cutting in faded and his nose was luckily clogged up by his crying so the smell was gone as his whole being seemed to focus on the feeling of their hands on him. The dirt he had just washed off reappeared. It was pounded into him by the first cock and by the hands holding him. It reminded him of the first time he had been forced to take a man in, the only time where he hadn't been numbed apart from now.  
They used him to defile Finn's memory, with the way they pulled and pulled at his cock. He was unresponsive and limp for the most part but his breathing sped up as he felt his pre cum drip onto the sheet. Hysteria made him dry heave as he tried in vain to get air into his lungs through his nose. He had dirtied Finn's room. After all the years of trying to keep his foulness away it had broken through. First he had lost him, now he would lose all memories afflicted to him or else he couldn't survive any longer.

Somewhere along the way they had undone his gag and he breathed in between each mutter of 'no, no, no'. He wished that this had the potential to be filed in with the many other people who fucked him but his world just wouldn't blur. He felt every drag of latex covered cock inside of him and he knew that the man pressing down on him was close to coming.  
"Shit, shit, shit." Joe muttered."That tight bitch is making me come fast. Who's next?"

"I don't know if I-"  
Sebastian interrupted him, momentarily forgetting to hold on until Kurt had enough room to fight for mere seconds."Nick, we…I'll be next."

Sebastian was much gentler but that made it worse. Every time his prostate was brushed made Kurt want to recoil and puke because he couldn't feel good here. This wasn't supposed to feel good at all.

"Please, don't. Harder." Kurt pleaded. He flinched when a soft hand carded through his hair and he felt Sebastian cover his body with his.

"Don't think about it, Kurt. Relax and it will all be over and-"  
Joe cut in,"What are you telling him, Bas? Get your fucking job done. You heard him, the slut wants it harder. Being in his brother's bed getting fucked is turning him on it seems."

Sebastian did not continue what he started to say and only talked to him when he told him to breathe in. He didn't want to breathe in. It took longer for Sebastian to come but when he did it was with just as gentle a thrust as he had been doing the whole time though.

It was Nick's turn next and by then Kurt was exhausted by the fight and he desperately tried not to notice his cum gluing his body to Finn's sheet. He lay slumped in the now cold mess and the hands that had held him down were now futile and only served to make his skin crawl with disgust. Nick fucked him just the way he had hoped he would. Fast and rough and likely to get it over with fast so that Kurt could go shower it off. The money they would give him would hopefully remind him that this had just been another job well done. It would put him back into place and he could return to make himself numb to all of it If only he could take a shower and rinse it off. He didn't even notice his own pleas changing into cries because there was no pleasure to be felt but it was easier for him that way. He briefly wondered if Hunter was upset at being replaced at his worst nightmare.

"Damn, Nicky. Never knew you had it in you. Well, I should say you like to have it in him. What would your wife, Jeffrey, say? Does he know?"

Nick momentarily stopped at the mention of his lover but then resumed as if nothing had happened and finally, with a grunt, came into the condom. The sweat of three men pooled low on his back and his hole puckered without the stretch it had gotten used to again but he felt the slightest hint of anticipation rear up. They would just throw their money at him and maybe he's have a few more minutes left to try and fix this room before Hunter noticed him missing from his cell and put him back there to rot. What had been a blessing almost felt like a sanctuary in his mind, even if only temporary until he finally lost his mind.

"Do we have time for another round?" Joe asked, presumably the one slapping his butt after.

"No!",Sebastian yelled." Are you fucking nuts? That is enough. We did what we came here to do, now let's get going quick before he comes."

"We have time for me to have one more go, don't we? The princess wants it too, I can tell. He's gotten so hard when I fucked him and he will be again once I prompt a little."

Nick cut in."We leave now or I won't hesitate to twist your fucking dick off." Joe wanted to say something only to get quiet when both Sebastian and Nick shouted, "Now!"

The low mutter of insults was audible even over the sound of footsteps close to him. He frowned as the handcuffs were undone but did not move for the time being. He didn't want to take off the blindfold and see his former friends as the monsters they were. He did startle and try to sit up when the third pair of feet moved away.

"Wh-where is my money?" Kurt asked and failed to sit up.

The sound of steps stopped but no answer was given to him, so he repeated his question. Again, he neither felt the crumpled bills on his body, nor did Nick reply.

"Pay me! You used me so you have to pay!"

"Don't trust him, Kurt." Nick finally said before walking out.

Quickly Kurt tried to follow but his knees gave out and he landed on Finn's carpet they had often played with cars on.  
"Pay me!" He cried out in desperation."Pay me."  
Pay me, or it really was rape.

 

Kurt thought he had gotten used to the feeling of unwanted touches lingering, of bruises on his body, of feeling like someone had broken into him and left the entrance wide open for so many more to break in alongside. It would all come off with a shower and knowing that someone was out there, needing him to be strong. He thought he had gotten used to being raped, so why was he shivering in his bathtub, covered with the wet fabric of Finn's dirtied sheets and the water did not do its work. He could still feel them. He knew that the spots of his own cum and that of theirs did not come off and neither did his feelings of being violated.

He only noticed his own shaking whenever he looked at his hands rubbing at the fabric, then rubbing at his skin or scratching inside where they had been. Blood swirled at the bottom of the tub before it vanished in the drain and he watched in fascination before his mind caught up. In Finn's bed. He had been used in Finn's bed and they had not paid him.

The pain in his chest as every breath was sucked in harshly had become secondary to the chaos of his mind. It was almost impossible for his thoughts to wander far from that single line, like they were connected with a rubber threat and he would only bounce back harder the further he tried to go. He knew he was cold but had no intention of changing the water temperature. He knew that he was hyperventilating but he didn't try a coping mechanism. He knew he had been raped and there was no turning back once he truly acknowledged that.

Rationally Kurt knew all that but it felt like he couldn't truly access it. Just as he couldn't bring himself to understand someone was in the room with him until he was addressed and even then the urgency of the voice indicated that he hadn't been called for the first time until he finally raised his head from between his legs to look.  
"-rt! Kurt, what happened?" Hunter's voice was soft and so unlike him that Kurt only shrunk further.

His arms tightened their grip as if being in this position would protect him from what Hunter would demand. Hunter crouched before the tub then, his expression for once not angry. Pity was such a foreign emotion for his boss that Kurt couldn't recognize it in his state and felt confusion cloud his thoughts. The last time he hadn't comprehended something had ended in Finn's bed, in Fin-

"Shh, you need to get a grip and calm down." He heard him say in that unusually soothing tone."I need you to tell me what this all means. How did you escape, how did you get in here and why are you…like this? What happened in that short time while you fled?"

Kurt flinched so heavily that he hit his elbow against the bathtub when Hunter cupped his cheek. It was such a gentle gesture that his sobs turned into softer weeps. It had been so long that he had been touched like this. His mother would cup his chubby cheeks and press her lips on his nose with a loud "mwah" or Blaine would do so before touching his forehead to Kurt's. Hunter's grip was only meant to dictate, to hurt and to humiliate him and yet it managed to get his jumbled thoughts holding for just a moment.

"I can't work as a whore any longer. I'd rather die than to let them do this to me again. I'd rather die." Kurt said. His voice was clear even through his ragged breath and chattering teeth. Hunter needed to hear this, as did Kurt.

"What happened, Kurt? Tell me."

"In Finn's bed, they made me-" He trailed off."They didn't pay me. Did they give you the money instead? Did they pay you?"

Hunter turned off the water and with his free hand he grabbed the closest towel to give to Kurt."I don't know what you are talking about here. Someone freed you early and then fucked you?"  
"Did you order them to? N-Nick and Sebastian? Did you tell them to do it to punish me?"  
Hunter carefully pried Finn's sheet out of Kurt's hands and with little fight, Kurt let him. Then he wrapped the towel around his body and put his palms back on his cheeks, forcing him to look into his dark eyes."I want you to understand that I had nothing to do with it. You were supposed to be in that room for three more days before I'd allow you a day off before you would return to work. I do understand you correctly that Smythe and Sterling freed you without permission and then took you here to use you?"  
"They didn't pay me. There was another man, I-I can't remember his name but he was the worst. I thought you-"  
"Kurt," Hunter interrupted him."Lucky, why would I have anything to do with something that is not lucrative to me? You know how important you are to me, right? It hurt me to lock you away for so long but I needed to give you time and space to think about how bad it was trying to flee from me. You belong right here, with me. I protect what is important to me and I won't be as gentle with those bastards as I was with you when I punish them. Because they don't mean anything to me."  
Kurt felt dazed, his mind submerged in fog. He frowned. "Am I important?"  
"Why else would I go to such length to keep a whore close?"  
This time there was no shame to be felt at the terminus, only the horror of his future on display."I can't work anymore." He repeated."I can't, they, they made me filthy. They didn't pay."

"Hey, hey."Hunter stroked a wet strand of his hair behind his ear."You just need time to find back to your former self, now that no one's holding you back any longer."

"My former self?"

"My Lucky One, who can take anything, who understands that at his core he asks for it and who needs to be fucked for his own satisfaction. Someone who serves people, serves me."  
"No, I can't have sex anymore. I can't, I can't, I can't."  
Hunter didn't reply and his grip tightened for such a short moment Kurt wasn't sure if he had even felt it. He wasn't even sure if he felt anything aside from the panic bursting inside of himself.

"Then you can work at the bar for the time being. Maybe even behind the bar if you don't feel up to stripping or being groped. It would be temporary though, until you get back to yourself."

Kurt was startled."Really?"

He felt his body become warmer when Hunter rubbed his skin dry. With his help Kurt climbed out of the tub after giving the wet sheets still in there a last glance. When he stumbled he felt strong arms encase him and even though he never thought touch would feel good again, this felt almost familiar and he closed his eyes and let himself be accommodated to this new softness of Hunter.

This past weeks spent in solitude had also been spent in loneliness.

Kurt had thought that he'd be alone forever but somehow it felt like Hunter was his rescuer now. Underneath it all he was still the monster forcing him here but they were worse monsters out there as he had discovered today. He'd never be happy here, never truly like Hunter but as of now, who else had he to hold onto?  
"Yes, I mean that. I told you, you are important to me, Lucky."

He was important to someone, the rest he would figure out when his mind was back in one piece.


End file.
